(no subject)
Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop
1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!" - or jump out at them
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
16. get a 40 year old man named bill to walk around the store and ask people if they've seen his mommy
THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then
pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what
floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile,
let the doors close and
say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream,
"That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if
they have an
appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear
something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the
passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic,
they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up,
all of you, just shut
up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,"Got
enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall, without
getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're
one of THEM" and back
away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I
have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my
personal space!"
1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!" - or jump out at them
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
16. get a 40 year old man named bill to walk around the store and ask people if they've seen his mommy
THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then
pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what
floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile,
let the doors close and
say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream,
"That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if
they have an
appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear
something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the
passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic,
they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up,
all of you, just shut
up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,"Got
enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall, without
getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're
one of THEM" and back
away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I
have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my
personal space!"