fic-ity doo-dah, fic-ity day
But first,
OMFG! DAVID HEWLETT WATCHED DOCTOR WHO AS A KID AND WANTED TO BE A TIME LORD!
(Look, the Doc is *always* gonna be first for me. I was literally born a fan. This obsession dates back so long ago that I was young enough to think the Doctor was real and he just happened to have cameras that followed him around everywhere he went.)
I realise today is Friday. I realise I don't get Sci-Fi in Fort Collins. I think this means I skip half my flist tonight.
What Others Tell You
He used to believe that everyone knew him better than he knew himself, and therefore he should listen to everything they said and believe them. And when they told him he wasn’t trying hard enough, and when they told him he could do so much better if only he applied himself, he believed them. But that didn’t mean he had to do what was implied in their complaints and remonstrances. He even believed his brother when Kevin yelled at him.
And when Liz told him he just might make a halfway decent thief, he believed her too. Hey, it was something to do. Not to mention really impressive to all the guys.
But at some point, he stopped believing them, stopped believing everyone when they said they trusted him, when they said he’d done wrong and was going to jail, when they said they loved him, when they said he was smart or he was an idiot. He stopped listening, closed his ears to the white noise, and carried on with what he wanted to do. Though maybe by that point it wasn’t so much what he wanted to do as he didn’t know what *else* to do.
It was easier that way. He only had to listen to himself, and sometimes he didn’t even bother doing that much. It wasn’t like he had anything particularly interesting or insightful to say about himself, after all.
He’d never even really listened to Casey, even. But then, it wasn’t as if she’d have anything useful to say, since half of what he told her about himself was necessarily lies. But sometimes, sometimes he caught something of her words, of her honest-to-god’s truthful opinions about him, and it warmed him up a bit. Until he remembered he wasn’t really who she thought he was, and then he just shut his ears and coolly stopped listening again.
When he got stuck with the gland, everyone was telling him what they thought of him. Kevin had always been very exact and specific in his remarks regarding his brother, but, hell, even *Eberts* occasionally told him exactly what the accountant thought of him. Bobby and the Keep and at times even the ‘Fish never shut up about what they thought of him.
It was irritating at first, having to ignore all that white noise. But then like Casey, he started paying attention occasionally, and heard what they had to say about him. And what they didn’t have to say about him, or simply how they acted around him. Like how Bobby would start doing things instantly when he snapped at him to do them in the middle of a firefight, or how when he and Bobby could just start flowing together when working out a case, and how sometimes Bobby would just take his criminal expertise as useful rather than something to be sneered at.
And Claire always had the keychain crap ready to placate (irritate, more like), and when the Official wasn’t feeling gleefully and bureaucratically godlike, he could be quite complimentary in his own…odd way. The kid was applying himself. He was trying to do more.
He used to believe that everyone knew him better than he knew himself, and therefore he should listen to everything they said and believe them. And he started finding himself thinking that, even if they didn’t really know him better than he knew himself, they might at least occasionally have the right idea.
OMFG! DAVID HEWLETT WATCHED DOCTOR WHO AS A KID AND WANTED TO BE A TIME LORD!
(Look, the Doc is *always* gonna be first for me. I was literally born a fan. This obsession dates back so long ago that I was young enough to think the Doctor was real and he just happened to have cameras that followed him around everywhere he went.)
I realise today is Friday. I realise I don't get Sci-Fi in Fort Collins. I think this means I skip half my flist tonight.
What Others Tell You
He used to believe that everyone knew him better than he knew himself, and therefore he should listen to everything they said and believe them. And when they told him he wasn’t trying hard enough, and when they told him he could do so much better if only he applied himself, he believed them. But that didn’t mean he had to do what was implied in their complaints and remonstrances. He even believed his brother when Kevin yelled at him.
And when Liz told him he just might make a halfway decent thief, he believed her too. Hey, it was something to do. Not to mention really impressive to all the guys.
But at some point, he stopped believing them, stopped believing everyone when they said they trusted him, when they said he’d done wrong and was going to jail, when they said they loved him, when they said he was smart or he was an idiot. He stopped listening, closed his ears to the white noise, and carried on with what he wanted to do. Though maybe by that point it wasn’t so much what he wanted to do as he didn’t know what *else* to do.
It was easier that way. He only had to listen to himself, and sometimes he didn’t even bother doing that much. It wasn’t like he had anything particularly interesting or insightful to say about himself, after all.
He’d never even really listened to Casey, even. But then, it wasn’t as if she’d have anything useful to say, since half of what he told her about himself was necessarily lies. But sometimes, sometimes he caught something of her words, of her honest-to-god’s truthful opinions about him, and it warmed him up a bit. Until he remembered he wasn’t really who she thought he was, and then he just shut his ears and coolly stopped listening again.
When he got stuck with the gland, everyone was telling him what they thought of him. Kevin had always been very exact and specific in his remarks regarding his brother, but, hell, even *Eberts* occasionally told him exactly what the accountant thought of him. Bobby and the Keep and at times even the ‘Fish never shut up about what they thought of him.
It was irritating at first, having to ignore all that white noise. But then like Casey, he started paying attention occasionally, and heard what they had to say about him. And what they didn’t have to say about him, or simply how they acted around him. Like how Bobby would start doing things instantly when he snapped at him to do them in the middle of a firefight, or how when he and Bobby could just start flowing together when working out a case, and how sometimes Bobby would just take his criminal expertise as useful rather than something to be sneered at.
And Claire always had the keychain crap ready to placate (irritate, more like), and when the Official wasn’t feeling gleefully and bureaucratically godlike, he could be quite complimentary in his own…odd way. The kid was applying himself. He was trying to do more.
He used to believe that everyone knew him better than he knew himself, and therefore he should listen to everything they said and believe them. And he started finding himself thinking that, even if they didn’t really know him better than he knew himself, they might at least occasionally have the right idea.