(no subject)
I just started thinking more and more about the fact that I have to start college in two years, and I never really realized up until this point that I am so terrified that I won't get accepted to one- or that I won't survive. I am absolutely frightened and I don't know what to do. I feel like I've screwed up all my chance of getting into a good college because I haven't taken extremely hard courses like they want you to have. I don't want to take pre-calc in high school, I didn't take math this year, I've focused more on art type stuff than hard classes like maths and sciences and if I ever even want to consider being a doctor (which has over the past few months become a big option for me), I'd need more sciences and maths to get into a good college for that.
I just feel like a failure. And I feel like I've been SO lazy and so irresponsible with school work for the past- well forever and it makes me so mad. But I like 'the easy way out' and I hate that I like it. I want to be a good student, I want to study and get good grades because I made the effort.. but I don't want to not have a life. And I don't know... I don't feel like I'm ever able to retain all of the information that I need to for tests and stuff- especially when finals time comes around. I get bad grades on the finals but pull through because I got good grades throughout the year and from what? Half-assing everything and getting away with it. I hate it. HATE. And I want to change- but I don't feel like I can. It's like I have a learning disability or something. I don't feel like I can ever comprehend it the right way or like I said, retain it all and I feel stupid. Especially when writing a paper or an essay or something. I feel SO stupid and incompetent. I need help.
♥ Brit
I just feel like a failure. And I feel like I've been SO lazy and so irresponsible with school work for the past- well forever and it makes me so mad. But I like 'the easy way out' and I hate that I like it. I want to be a good student, I want to study and get good grades because I made the effort.. but I don't want to not have a life. And I don't know... I don't feel like I'm ever able to retain all of the information that I need to for tests and stuff- especially when finals time comes around. I get bad grades on the finals but pull through because I got good grades throughout the year and from what? Half-assing everything and getting away with it. I hate it. HATE. And I want to change- but I don't feel like I can. It's like I have a learning disability or something. I don't feel like I can ever comprehend it the right way or like I said, retain it all and I feel stupid. Especially when writing a paper or an essay or something. I feel SO stupid and incompetent. I need help.
♥ Brit