It's kewl if you guys don't read, I know it's long lol.

Mar 07, 2005 21:02

Wow. Yesterday and today have been the two saddest, most confusing days in a very very long time. Mixed emotions, and constant tears. I think yesterday though, has been the worst than any other day in a such a long time. I guess cuz I was home and had more time to think about things, and there wasn't as many distractions?... I have a feeling that this is going to be a very long post, because I'm gonna let it all out. Well not all, but what I feel isn't too personal to write on here.

It's funny, BRIT and I are going through like the exact same thing, like literally. We've both been feeling so sad about everything lately and I thank God we have eachother. Brit and I can relate to eachother so much right now, with the way things are going, and cuza how alike we are. And honestly, things would be so much harder without her right now. Then there's MARCO hehe. Sheesh, I dunno what I'd do without that boy. He too has helped me so much lately, and I'd be even more lost without him. He gives the best advice and really understands and listen's to what's going on. I'm so so thankful for you two if you read this. Having you guys seriously makes things so much better, and you two are the only people I can share EVERYTHING with right now, without holding back, and again thank you guys. You don't have to listen to me or try to help me out, but you do and I thank God for that. I love you both soo much!
(to my other bud's i appreciate you guys so much and you all mean so much to me, don't think for one minute you don't. it's just right now, they've been the one's helping me through what's going on and really really helping me out. more than words could say)

Well the whole thing with Lauren is just devastating, and I keep thinkin about her, and I'm so sad and sorry that she had to pass the way she did. I know she's in a better place, but a person like her deserved so much more. Prayers and God will help us all through it though. I know that... Then one of my old best friend's and I aren't even close friends anymore. Things are akward sometime's, and I don't look at her the way I used to, and I know she doesn't to me as well. There's stuff that has happened and been said that won't change or won't be forgotten, so I'm so sad about that. And yesterday i kept thinkin about her, and our friendship along with what it has become. Lately, yesterday especially, I've felt like sick. Like my stomach feels like a constant drop and my throat's all dry and I've felt lightheaded. And then things with someone aren't too good. I mean they're not bad, but not how I'd want them to be. I mean I'm thankful for him, and I like him so much and I don't wanna just be friends with him. But I just feel really like uncertain about the way he feels. And I guess just because emotion's have been high, cuza what's been going on, it's really been getting to me more lately. Like the little things are what get to me most. I'm not gonna get into detail cuzI've already written so much. But you'd think things would be a little different than what they are. I HATE that guys other than him, say so many nicer things to me and do so many nicer things for me, and actually go out of their way for me. Or do for me, what i do for him. Like I know I don't cross his mind half as many times as he crosses mine, and I feel like I'm taking him and us more seriously than he is. I hate the fact, that it's always me me and me getting us to talk or see eachother. And it always seem's like I wanna talk to him and be with him, and he doesn't. Cuz like as it is I'm not a really like touchy or like one to show how I feel and stuff. And sheesh, he's even worse than me. You'd think that since we were together, there'd be a little more effort there but there's not. And I wish I dunno the little things could be better. There's so many, but like I said too many to type on here and I don't wanna go into detail for the public hehe. If he really want's to know what's bothering me, and why I've been the way I have he can ask. Gosh Marco and Brit, you two helped me out so much with that situatuion.

And I mean there's other things going on right now, that are a little too personal to write on here that have been bothering me too. I know all the negative thing's will pass, and some people have far worse problems than me, but these are things that are really bothering me. And no lol, there's nothing to worry about here. Just like I said before a lot going on, and i know thing's will pass and get better. God as well as my friends will help me through everything. And please everyone, continue to pray for the Nava's and for Lauren.

leave some <3!!
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