Lessons she learned when her memory slurs
Life moves like clouds. On lazy summer days, it stretches an eternity -- but when I stop, I can feel it racing past. I feel like I just moved in to my new apartment, but I look at the calendar, and it's been four months already. Where has time gone?
I read old journal entries and look at photos, and I can't stop thinking about how different things have gotten, how much has changed, and I've hardly even realized it. I've spent the last week and a half at work, every day, and when I'm not working I'm studying; and when I'm not studying, I'm cleaning; and when I'm not cleaning, I'm wasting time watching some dumb movie -- and before anything even registers, it's summer.
I love where I am, but I can't help feeling.. a little bit lost, sometimes frustrated. I feel like Doomsday is approaching. I feel out of the loop, but I'm not quite sure what I'm missing, or if I even would want to be a part.
Ever since I turned 18, I've had this strange sense of vertigo. I feel as if I shouldn't be alive, in a way. All that I used to live for was Turning 18 -- the freedom, the exuberance I'd feel. I do rejoice once in a while; I revel in that feeling of going out and not having to say, "Oh wait, let me call Dad." But, at the same time, it doesn't seem important any more. In fact, my birthday came and went, I'm paying bills and rent, and nothing seems to have changed. But everything has.
Who am I? The question, with many others, clings to the clouds, but I can't put a finger on what I even mean by it.
I don't even know what I'm saying right now.
I should be working, or studying, or cleaning, or watching some dumb movie.
What am I missing?
I read old journal entries and look at photos, and I can't stop thinking about how different things have gotten, how much has changed, and I've hardly even realized it. I've spent the last week and a half at work, every day, and when I'm not working I'm studying; and when I'm not studying, I'm cleaning; and when I'm not cleaning, I'm wasting time watching some dumb movie -- and before anything even registers, it's summer.
I love where I am, but I can't help feeling.. a little bit lost, sometimes frustrated. I feel like Doomsday is approaching. I feel out of the loop, but I'm not quite sure what I'm missing, or if I even would want to be a part.
Ever since I turned 18, I've had this strange sense of vertigo. I feel as if I shouldn't be alive, in a way. All that I used to live for was Turning 18 -- the freedom, the exuberance I'd feel. I do rejoice once in a while; I revel in that feeling of going out and not having to say, "Oh wait, let me call Dad." But, at the same time, it doesn't seem important any more. In fact, my birthday came and went, I'm paying bills and rent, and nothing seems to have changed. But everything has.
Who am I? The question, with many others, clings to the clouds, but I can't put a finger on what I even mean by it.
I don't even know what I'm saying right now.
I should be working, or studying, or cleaning, or watching some dumb movie.
What am I missing?