(no subject)
yesterday i found my yearbook.and i was looking through it ... so conviniently i was thinking of you and t just so happend that the first page i open is your picture.i was looking through the comments a few stood out. and a few made me cry ... a bunch made me laugh. like Nick Bareda's ...
"Antony-we rock and we gunna rok harda!-Nicky B."
most of them were from people ive never hung out with maybe once or twice and theyre all the same... the typical "STAY AWSOME", "NEVER CHANGE!" that sorta bullshit.
i kept reading and came across John Gallagher's, i read it and it made me cry.
"Anthony-What is there to say about you,us,everything. I think one word sums it all up, Freedom.For the 23 years we've known eachother, all we ever wanted was to be free of the same boring garbage that we put up with everyday. Many things haved helped us get to that goal. One of them being the art of parkour. Running with you has never been boring. We've both progressed very far, and overcame both our fears, together. That's the most important thing. Through thick and thin, we have always stuck together. I want to say thanks for all of the things you have ever done for me, Words cant express.-John Gallagher-IcyCool"
it made me cry because i feel like we're loosing touch. like Joe and Lex and all them replaced me, because they're like...cooler then me. i dont really know his thaughts on it all but i know that i miss him alot and i wish things could kinda go back to the way they were, or that i could be accepted by Joe and Lex and all them, scince i met Joe back in FunZone i never really felt he liked me much or cared to much for me ... but i guess i never really tried to be friends with him... i mean we're cool and all but not like him n john.
haha Casey Reins signed about bombing. so did Rio. Donna Valez haha "if you ever need ass call me" haha and left her number. shes awsome. Bree. Steve Powers. Virginia. and Lacey are all on the same page. along with Christine's....
Christine's kinda hit me real hard because it was almost a year ago she wrote it. and its just like a punch in the face ya kno.
"Anthony<3-Your Fucking Cute!!-You've always been theer for me through everything.I dont deserve your friendship or love but I appreciate it and cherish you and everything...just.....everything. If I were to list everything we've been through and everything i appreciate and love you for, well, lets just say you'd look at it, look at me look back at the list and say 'yeah...thats...nice' smile and laugh at me while i pout. I love you more than you know, I hope that when you read this when your older, I'll be across the room going through boxes with pictures, or looking over your shoulder. Your the perfect gentleman,friend and boyfriend. I love you. Thanks for ealing w/me and my problems.-<3Always- Christine Rerecich."
immidiatly after reading that, i threw my book across the room and just sat at the edge of my bed trying to stop myself from crying. reading that made me angry. especially the part about the future. because the way things are and the reality of it all... she isnt ever coming back. she isnt leaving nick for me. she isnt going to one day realize that she loves me and come back to me. whether or not she is or isnt with nick at the time.... because why would she come back to me. im not werth anyones time. i was thinking today that... she is the only girl that has ever givin me hope for a future. everyone else just makes me think the now. she is the only one i see myself in a future with. after reading that i realy started thinking about what's wrong with me. and why after 4 girls. and almost 8 mnths later and 2 YEARS of bullshit i cnt just say bye... i cnt forget her. i cnt let her go. and i have this stupid fucking concept that if i go into the armed forces or move away it'll help me forget. i told her about the navy plan.... and she asked why i wanned to go ... and i sai i really have no reason to keep me here. i obviously have friends and family who care and dont want me to go. but i dont have a future. the navy at least gives me an option ... i can be in military for the rest of my life. not having to deal with living a life. or dealing with the fact that she isnt in my future... she isnt going to be the one i marry the mother of my kids or the person i die next to. bc she moved on. she can say goodbye.
i just really want to know why i cant.
i guess its a good thing she doesnt read these things.
"Antony-we rock and we gunna rok harda!-Nicky B."
most of them were from people ive never hung out with maybe once or twice and theyre all the same... the typical "STAY AWSOME", "NEVER CHANGE!" that sorta bullshit.
i kept reading and came across John Gallagher's, i read it and it made me cry.
"Anthony-What is there to say about you,us,everything. I think one word sums it all up, Freedom.For the 23 years we've known eachother, all we ever wanted was to be free of the same boring garbage that we put up with everyday. Many things haved helped us get to that goal. One of them being the art of parkour. Running with you has never been boring. We've both progressed very far, and overcame both our fears, together. That's the most important thing. Through thick and thin, we have always stuck together. I want to say thanks for all of the things you have ever done for me, Words cant express.-John Gallagher-IcyCool"
it made me cry because i feel like we're loosing touch. like Joe and Lex and all them replaced me, because they're like...cooler then me. i dont really know his thaughts on it all but i know that i miss him alot and i wish things could kinda go back to the way they were, or that i could be accepted by Joe and Lex and all them, scince i met Joe back in FunZone i never really felt he liked me much or cared to much for me ... but i guess i never really tried to be friends with him... i mean we're cool and all but not like him n john.
haha Casey Reins signed about bombing. so did Rio. Donna Valez haha "if you ever need ass call me" haha and left her number. shes awsome. Bree. Steve Powers. Virginia. and Lacey are all on the same page. along with Christine's....
Christine's kinda hit me real hard because it was almost a year ago she wrote it. and its just like a punch in the face ya kno.
"Anthony<3-Your Fucking Cute!!-You've always been theer for me through everything.I dont deserve your friendship or love but I appreciate it and cherish you and everything...just.....everything. If I were to list everything we've been through and everything i appreciate and love you for, well, lets just say you'd look at it, look at me look back at the list and say 'yeah...thats...nice' smile and laugh at me while i pout. I love you more than you know, I hope that when you read this when your older, I'll be across the room going through boxes with pictures, or looking over your shoulder. Your the perfect gentleman,friend and boyfriend. I love you. Thanks for ealing w/me and my problems.-<3Always- Christine Rerecich."
immidiatly after reading that, i threw my book across the room and just sat at the edge of my bed trying to stop myself from crying. reading that made me angry. especially the part about the future. because the way things are and the reality of it all... she isnt ever coming back. she isnt leaving nick for me. she isnt going to one day realize that she loves me and come back to me. whether or not she is or isnt with nick at the time.... because why would she come back to me. im not werth anyones time. i was thinking today that... she is the only girl that has ever givin me hope for a future. everyone else just makes me think the now. she is the only one i see myself in a future with. after reading that i realy started thinking about what's wrong with me. and why after 4 girls. and almost 8 mnths later and 2 YEARS of bullshit i cnt just say bye... i cnt forget her. i cnt let her go. and i have this stupid fucking concept that if i go into the armed forces or move away it'll help me forget. i told her about the navy plan.... and she asked why i wanned to go ... and i sai i really have no reason to keep me here. i obviously have friends and family who care and dont want me to go. but i dont have a future. the navy at least gives me an option ... i can be in military for the rest of my life. not having to deal with living a life. or dealing with the fact that she isnt in my future... she isnt going to be the one i marry the mother of my kids or the person i die next to. bc she moved on. she can say goodbye.
i just really want to know why i cant.
i guess its a good thing she doesnt read these things.