Mar 07, 2005 01:31
I don’t know what it is. I guess it is a feeling that comes naturally whenever missing out on a relationship that is suppose to be natural. I’m not sure what the words are for the best explanation, I can’t even tell you exactly what my feelings are. I get mixed up in the thoughts I have been taught to have and the ones that consciously come. Many emotions spring up whenever the subject of my father is taking place, a rivalry between anger and hurt, between “fuck you” and the pathetic question “why?” both causing enough affliction between emotions to provide visual evidence of pain either way.
I hate the feeling when having to explain to my friends that you walked out on me and I wasn’t worth your time to love. I have thought about expressing all this built up furry and sorrow to you, but somewhere in me I still hold hope that you will regain something that apparently you once had and have the will to love me. I don’t want guilt to persuade you back to me, that would mean nothing…except that you hold nothing further than sympathy for me, making our relationship similar to that of a stray dog looking for some scraps, or a homeless person in need of change.