(no subject)
vacation needs to come now. and sorry if i was a bitch today, i just had a crappy day.
but regardless, i've been doing some thinking in math class and others, because what else am i supposed to do. I've realized some things--some things that i don't specifically like about myself. this isn't an entry to make you all be like "no, you're fine" and stuff, because even though i do love you guys a hundered million times, i just need to vent.
i've realized that no matter how much i work towards something, all i am ever concerned about is the outcome. what happens after the fact. what i get on the test, what i sound like in the play, what i look like after i do my makeup. what i've realized is that i should be focusing not on the end part, but on what it takes to get there. i should focus on the process of getting the grade, and practing for the play, and not really caring if i look like poop before and or after the makeup.
i guess i'm just mad at myself-because i somehow seem to lose sight of this-of this process that takes me to the end of something. i want to stop that, it's just hard to when i've done it for so long.
today i had a math quiz and i got so upset because i got something wrong. but then i said to myself "why are you so mad about what happened at the end? i should be more concerned with WHY i got it wrong, rather than whether i got it wrong or not."
i hope this makes sense and that it's not too long. it's one of those things i want to change, because i see it in myself all the time.
its not what you end up with that matters, it's what you did to get there that makes all the difference.
love.
but regardless, i've been doing some thinking in math class and others, because what else am i supposed to do. I've realized some things--some things that i don't specifically like about myself. this isn't an entry to make you all be like "no, you're fine" and stuff, because even though i do love you guys a hundered million times, i just need to vent.
i've realized that no matter how much i work towards something, all i am ever concerned about is the outcome. what happens after the fact. what i get on the test, what i sound like in the play, what i look like after i do my makeup. what i've realized is that i should be focusing not on the end part, but on what it takes to get there. i should focus on the process of getting the grade, and practing for the play, and not really caring if i look like poop before and or after the makeup.
i guess i'm just mad at myself-because i somehow seem to lose sight of this-of this process that takes me to the end of something. i want to stop that, it's just hard to when i've done it for so long.
today i had a math quiz and i got so upset because i got something wrong. but then i said to myself "why are you so mad about what happened at the end? i should be more concerned with WHY i got it wrong, rather than whether i got it wrong or not."
i hope this makes sense and that it's not too long. it's one of those things i want to change, because i see it in myself all the time.
its not what you end up with that matters, it's what you did to get there that makes all the difference.
love.