Limbo Lost.
I wanted this journal to look a little bloggier. I'm not sure anybody reads it... but I suppose thats all the more reason to make it look how I want.
So I sit here, and I should be scared.
I should be sitting in this, my temporary room, scared out of my mind. Moving to a city where I know no one. Starting a career I only know about scholastically. Working on what I think my dream account is. This is it... no crutches, no band-aids, no second chances or safety nets. This, for all intents and purposes, is the real world.
I should be shivering, not because of the cold in Michael's old room (which was always colder than mine... regretably so) but because I have no idea how I'm going to get food. And my first thought when I touch down in Chicago is getting a new television (Samsung 19 inch HDTV, still haven't decided if I want black or white). And because I know nothing about riding trains, or getting to Ultimate Frisbee games on Thursdays, or the slightest idea about what I'm going to be doing in 10 weeks.
But I continuously and against all logic am excited. Slightly sad, as is always the case when one is packing up there things and "leaving" somewhere. But eternally and unabashedly EXCITED.
Maybe the world is waiting around the corner with a tire iron, ready to hit me in the gut and steal my new Samsung Television and my bookbag full of videogame consoles... but I don't think so.
I keep on waiting to be like everyone else seems to be. "Normal." And the "older" I get, the more I realize that I cannot be normal. I'm not cut out for normal. 9 to 5 doesn't have to be normal. Inevitability is not inevitable.
I keep on saying I'm going to work my ass off in Chicago, but the truth of the matter is I don't know what that means exactly... but I'm going to do whatever it takes. Just like I'm going to do whatever it takes to get to Japan. And just like I'll do whatever it takes to get my Masters and continue to learn. Life is beautiful because although it is fleeting, it's also insanely long.
It's not a matter of OR right now, but a matter of AND. This realization obviously excites me. AND what? Hell if I know, hell if I'll ever know.
And I plan to keep it that way.
So I sit here, and I should be scared.
I should be sitting in this, my temporary room, scared out of my mind. Moving to a city where I know no one. Starting a career I only know about scholastically. Working on what I think my dream account is. This is it... no crutches, no band-aids, no second chances or safety nets. This, for all intents and purposes, is the real world.
I should be shivering, not because of the cold in Michael's old room (which was always colder than mine... regretably so) but because I have no idea how I'm going to get food. And my first thought when I touch down in Chicago is getting a new television (Samsung 19 inch HDTV, still haven't decided if I want black or white). And because I know nothing about riding trains, or getting to Ultimate Frisbee games on Thursdays, or the slightest idea about what I'm going to be doing in 10 weeks.
But I continuously and against all logic am excited. Slightly sad, as is always the case when one is packing up there things and "leaving" somewhere. But eternally and unabashedly EXCITED.
Maybe the world is waiting around the corner with a tire iron, ready to hit me in the gut and steal my new Samsung Television and my bookbag full of videogame consoles... but I don't think so.
I keep on waiting to be like everyone else seems to be. "Normal." And the "older" I get, the more I realize that I cannot be normal. I'm not cut out for normal. 9 to 5 doesn't have to be normal. Inevitability is not inevitable.
I keep on saying I'm going to work my ass off in Chicago, but the truth of the matter is I don't know what that means exactly... but I'm going to do whatever it takes. Just like I'm going to do whatever it takes to get to Japan. And just like I'll do whatever it takes to get my Masters and continue to learn. Life is beautiful because although it is fleeting, it's also insanely long.
It's not a matter of OR right now, but a matter of AND. This realization obviously excites me. AND what? Hell if I know, hell if I'll ever know.
And I plan to keep it that way.