Let's put a smile on that face
Went to see The Dark Knight on Sunday in a fricken packed theater. I keep hearing all these stories of theater-goers applauding or cheering together. Why was my theater silent? Was i just too into it to notice? But first, my thoughts on the coming attractions, of which there were FIFTY.
Wait, Bale really is playing John Connor? I seriously thought it was just a giant Internet wish people started.
So after all this hype about Watchmen and how it's the bestest comic evar and we all should fall to our knees at a mere glimpse of the movie.... that's it? A group of people dressed ridiculously even for superheroes/villains fighting a more ridiculous looking glowing man with EVEN MORE ridiculous cgi effects. Ya know, the effects that must pause for two seconds to showcase how EPIC they are. And just in case you didn't know how "omgawesome" this is supposed to be, the fucking loud, whiny music is there to key you in. Director of 300, huh? You realize he was behind the camera the whole time whacking off to his own "brilliance" and YOUR DROOL was his lube.
Anyway, spoilers galore in a scene-by-scene rundown only my brain would allow. It's shorter than you'd think for a 3hr movie, but there's a one-paragraph summary of my thoughts at very bottom.
--Hello, faceless person holding a clown mask on the corner! The back of your head looks like Heath Ledger. Oops, was i not supposed to know that?
--Badass bank manager was badass. He seems to be the only civilian who KNOWS what city he lives in. Everyone else runs around screaming "Why is this happening to US?" while he's like "Why do you think i carry a SHOTGUN, morons?!"
--Random Schoolbus Driver: "Did...did the bus in front of us just pull out of a hole in the bank? Huh. No sense in reporting that."
--Aw, Scarecrow. I want you back.
--"What gave you this?"
"A dog."
"..."
"A big dog."
--lol Thank god they changed the batsuit cuz obviously not being able to turn your head will only be tolerated for one film. Morgan Freeman was testing your ass, Bruce. He had a better suit all along.
--Harvey Dent: "I PWN ALL but i'm modest about it."
Rachel: "I've been on-screen for two seconds and i'm already better than Katie Holmes."
Bruce: "Well, I'm an arrogant sonuvabitch."
Harvey: "Batman is the greatest hero that ever blew in from Hero Town."
Bruce: "...Marry me."
--PENCIL! PENCIL! NOOOOOOO! *destroys every pencil in the house*
--Harvey: "If you get me Lau, i can arrest every mobster in this city!"
Batman: "...Marry me."
--Hong Kong has never witnessed such a fantastic entrance and exit. I don't think the world has.
--Okay, the hung batman look-a-like suddenly hitting the glass? Scared the piss outta me. I literally jumped a foot in the air and yelled "JEEZ-US!" Good news is everyone else yelped as well so i didn't feel stupid.
--"LOOK AT ME!"
--Harvey: "Alfred, right? You've known Rachel her whole life."
Alfred: "Not quite yet, sir."
LOL FORESHADOWING!
--Bruce is about to get on his knees and propose to Harvey at the fundraiser, but the Joker screws that to hell. "Y SO SRYS?"
--How far can Batman fall without hurting himself? What was that, 40 stories?
--Random Cop: "Hey, i've never seen those Honor Guards before. And one of them has this wicked scar across his cheeks. Huh. No sense in reporting that."
--GORDON! NOOOOO! WTF YOU WEREN'T EVEN COMMISSIONER YET!
--Yes, give a talking part to Gordon's son. Cuz it's not like his daughter will become anything. OH WAIT!
--Batman: "I'm going to turn myself in."
Harvey: "You can't! You're the goddamn Batman! I love you too much!"
--"Accomplice? I'm saying it was all your idea."
--Harvey: "I am Batman."
Bruce: "...<3"
--SLAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
--THE BATMOBILE! NOOOOOOOO! OH GOD, MY HEA--Ooooh, bike! Bike that can turn up walls and wheels can roll sideways. SEXY.
--Damn your morals, Batman. You could've at least nicked him.
--GORDON! *humps leg* I did not predict that. There's my commissioner.
--Random Prisoner: "My insides hurt!"
Audience: "That can't be good."
--Showdown in the interrogation room. Shit just got real with Rachel and Harvey kidnapped. Batman don't play dat.
Joker: "I want my phone call now!"
Random Prisoner: "I feel funny! It hurts so bad!"
Audience: "Really, really not good."
--The whole Batman saying he was going after Rachel but really saved Harvey confused me. At first i thought the Joker switched the locations on him, but at the end doesn't Batman say he rescued Harvey cuz he "was the best of us"? My brain.
--Phone bomb in Random Prisoner! ...Wait, is Joker the villain from the Saw movies?
--Well, there goes the left side of Harvey's handsome face. Bye, Rachel. You need to make room for Selina Kyle.
--At this point you look at your watch and think the movie should be over by now. We got like 45 minutes left, folks.
--Bitter Harvey is bitter. C'mon, buddy, you'll love again! Your face can't be that bad. We've looked at pictures of Two Face since childhood.
Harvey: [turns head]
OH HOLY SHIT! You should really put something on that! I mean, i mean--HOLY SHIT!
--Reece: "I know Batman's identity!"
Joker: "Kill this tool or i'll blow up a hospital."
Reece: "Why didn't i just make an anonymous call?"
--Nurse Joker: "Hi."
Male Audience: "My penis is confused."
Female Audience: "I wonder what size nurse's uniform my man takes."
--Joker walking away from exploding hospital = lulz
--Montage of Two Face and his Coin of Justice and his Infection-Welcoming Insides.
--People, People! It's okay! Big Brother is not watching you via your cell phones! That's just Batman.
--Two ferries--one with civilians and one with prisoners--have detonators wired to each other. If one pulls the trigger, the other gets blown up. If neither pull the trigger, they both go boom. WTF? Joker IS the Saw villain. That makes me frown a bit.
--Quiet, Gigantic Prisoner: Deserves Parole NOW!
--blahblah Fight Of Win with much confusion by SWAT teams and Batman using Keysi Fighting Method. FYI.
--Joker: "Ferries didn't go boom? What the shit! People are supposed to be inherently selfish pricks!"
Batman: "NO, this is MY movie and i say people are inherently GOOD, bitch!" [Moral Rainbow]
Joker: [defeated as we mourn no appearance in 3rd movie]
--Gordon: "Harvey, you lost a fiance. A woman you very well could have divorced some years later. Killing my child isn't a fair trade."
Two Face: "My dripping facial tissue isn't very logical right now."
--Batman says "enough of this shit" cuz he's tired and needs a nap, dammit. The Joker can't win in the end. To keep the late Harvey Dent Gotham's White Knight, Batman will take the blame for all his killings(?) and once again be a vigilante the cops chase. He will be...The Dark Knight. Heh, matching names OTP.
TL;DR: Phenomenal. Outstanding. A truly great movie gives you all ranges of emotion and that's exactly what this one did. Whenever the Joker showed up i was uncomfortable. Ledger went above and beyond. I was like "yeah okay" about the oscar talk before, but having seen it for myself i say there's no contest. This sequel was bigger and better, and darker than the first. Which is odd because previews show on Nick and there's children's toy and cereal tie-ins. Maybe the truly dark stuff doesn't hit them because they're still ignorant to it? *shrug* Now i'll stop wasting your time.
Wait, Bale really is playing John Connor? I seriously thought it was just a giant Internet wish people started.
So after all this hype about Watchmen and how it's the bestest comic evar and we all should fall to our knees at a mere glimpse of the movie.... that's it? A group of people dressed ridiculously even for superheroes/villains fighting a more ridiculous looking glowing man with EVEN MORE ridiculous cgi effects. Ya know, the effects that must pause for two seconds to showcase how EPIC they are. And just in case you didn't know how "omgawesome" this is supposed to be, the fucking loud, whiny music is there to key you in. Director of 300, huh? You realize he was behind the camera the whole time whacking off to his own "brilliance" and YOUR DROOL was his lube.
Anyway, spoilers galore in a scene-by-scene rundown only my brain would allow. It's shorter than you'd think for a 3hr movie, but there's a one-paragraph summary of my thoughts at very bottom.
--Hello, faceless person holding a clown mask on the corner! The back of your head looks like Heath Ledger. Oops, was i not supposed to know that?
--Badass bank manager was badass. He seems to be the only civilian who KNOWS what city he lives in. Everyone else runs around screaming "Why is this happening to US?" while he's like "Why do you think i carry a SHOTGUN, morons?!"
--Random Schoolbus Driver: "Did...did the bus in front of us just pull out of a hole in the bank? Huh. No sense in reporting that."
--Aw, Scarecrow. I want you back.
--"What gave you this?"
"A dog."
"..."
"A big dog."
--lol Thank god they changed the batsuit cuz obviously not being able to turn your head will only be tolerated for one film. Morgan Freeman was testing your ass, Bruce. He had a better suit all along.
--Harvey Dent: "I PWN ALL but i'm modest about it."
Rachel: "I've been on-screen for two seconds and i'm already better than Katie Holmes."
Bruce: "Well, I'm an arrogant sonuvabitch."
Harvey: "Batman is the greatest hero that ever blew in from Hero Town."
Bruce: "...Marry me."
--PENCIL! PENCIL! NOOOOOOO! *destroys every pencil in the house*
--Harvey: "If you get me Lau, i can arrest every mobster in this city!"
Batman: "...Marry me."
--Hong Kong has never witnessed such a fantastic entrance and exit. I don't think the world has.
--Okay, the hung batman look-a-like suddenly hitting the glass? Scared the piss outta me. I literally jumped a foot in the air and yelled "JEEZ-US!" Good news is everyone else yelped as well so i didn't feel stupid.
--"LOOK AT ME!"
--Harvey: "Alfred, right? You've known Rachel her whole life."
Alfred: "Not quite yet, sir."
LOL FORESHADOWING!
--Bruce is about to get on his knees and propose to Harvey at the fundraiser, but the Joker screws that to hell. "Y SO SRYS?"
--How far can Batman fall without hurting himself? What was that, 40 stories?
--Random Cop: "Hey, i've never seen those Honor Guards before. And one of them has this wicked scar across his cheeks. Huh. No sense in reporting that."
--GORDON! NOOOOO! WTF YOU WEREN'T EVEN COMMISSIONER YET!
--Yes, give a talking part to Gordon's son. Cuz it's not like his daughter will become anything. OH WAIT!
--Batman: "I'm going to turn myself in."
Harvey: "You can't! You're the goddamn Batman! I love you too much!"
--"Accomplice? I'm saying it was all your idea."
--Harvey: "I am Batman."
Bruce: "...<3"
--SLAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
--THE BATMOBILE! NOOOOOOOO! OH GOD, MY HEA--Ooooh, bike! Bike that can turn up walls and wheels can roll sideways. SEXY.
--Damn your morals, Batman. You could've at least nicked him.
--GORDON! *humps leg* I did not predict that. There's my commissioner.
--Random Prisoner: "My insides hurt!"
Audience: "That can't be good."
--Showdown in the interrogation room. Shit just got real with Rachel and Harvey kidnapped. Batman don't play dat.
Joker: "I want my phone call now!"
Random Prisoner: "I feel funny! It hurts so bad!"
Audience: "Really, really not good."
--The whole Batman saying he was going after Rachel but really saved Harvey confused me. At first i thought the Joker switched the locations on him, but at the end doesn't Batman say he rescued Harvey cuz he "was the best of us"? My brain.
--Phone bomb in Random Prisoner! ...Wait, is Joker the villain from the Saw movies?
--Well, there goes the left side of Harvey's handsome face. Bye, Rachel. You need to make room for Selina Kyle.
--At this point you look at your watch and think the movie should be over by now. We got like 45 minutes left, folks.
--Bitter Harvey is bitter. C'mon, buddy, you'll love again! Your face can't be that bad. We've looked at pictures of Two Face since childhood.
Harvey: [turns head]
OH HOLY SHIT! You should really put something on that! I mean, i mean--HOLY SHIT!
--Reece: "I know Batman's identity!"
Joker: "Kill this tool or i'll blow up a hospital."
Reece: "Why didn't i just make an anonymous call?"
--Nurse Joker: "Hi."
Male Audience: "My penis is confused."
Female Audience: "I wonder what size nurse's uniform my man takes."
--Joker walking away from exploding hospital = lulz
--Montage of Two Face and his Coin of Justice and his Infection-Welcoming Insides.
--People, People! It's okay! Big Brother is not watching you via your cell phones! That's just Batman.
--Two ferries--one with civilians and one with prisoners--have detonators wired to each other. If one pulls the trigger, the other gets blown up. If neither pull the trigger, they both go boom. WTF? Joker IS the Saw villain. That makes me frown a bit.
--Quiet, Gigantic Prisoner: Deserves Parole NOW!
--blahblah Fight Of Win with much confusion by SWAT teams and Batman using Keysi Fighting Method. FYI.
--Joker: "Ferries didn't go boom? What the shit! People are supposed to be inherently selfish pricks!"
Batman: "NO, this is MY movie and i say people are inherently GOOD, bitch!" [Moral Rainbow]
Joker: [defeated as we mourn no appearance in 3rd movie]
--Gordon: "Harvey, you lost a fiance. A woman you very well could have divorced some years later. Killing my child isn't a fair trade."
Two Face: "My dripping facial tissue isn't very logical right now."
--Batman says "enough of this shit" cuz he's tired and needs a nap, dammit. The Joker can't win in the end. To keep the late Harvey Dent Gotham's White Knight, Batman will take the blame for all his killings(?) and once again be a vigilante the cops chase. He will be...The Dark Knight. Heh, matching names OTP.
TL;DR: Phenomenal. Outstanding. A truly great movie gives you all ranges of emotion and that's exactly what this one did. Whenever the Joker showed up i was uncomfortable. Ledger went above and beyond. I was like "yeah okay" about the oscar talk before, but having seen it for myself i say there's no contest. This sequel was bigger and better, and darker than the first. Which is odd because previews show on Nick and there's children's toy and cereal tie-ins. Maybe the truly dark stuff doesn't hit them because they're still ignorant to it? *shrug* Now i'll stop wasting your time.