fall supper
so much to say. but I already used up my sentient hours today and am running on fumes.
But this needs to be written now, since I've already lost a lot of it and it's only been 2 hours...
Dearest you, who do not read my LJ, you, to whom I will never write again, you, who aren't going to hear about my exciting adventures in living because I can't take it anymore, so you're going back on the list of people who get cordial Christmas cards, you,
You fucking bastards. How could you? How. could. you. leave me like this? You went away and you took all the magic with you. There's nothing left but an empty church building in rural Virginia, and I'm not saying it's not beautiful in its own way, but it's not the sort of beauty I want. I miss you.
I fucking miss you.
I want to play again, I want to try to win you again, I want to hold my breath and dive deep and take you with me and I want to watch you and I want to dream about you and I miss you. I. miss. you. Game over. I lost.
Last year and the blown kiss and the wave across the room and those little glances and that "there she is!" and that "I'll pick you up tomorrow" and the pie table and the gravy and the turkey and now everything is gone.
You went away and took the High Holy Days with you.
My priest. My priestess.
I had to be by myself today, so I slipped upstairs and set my watch and cried for ten minutes on the couch in your office. I spent so many hours on that couch writing letters, so many hours sobbing, wrapped in the green cape my grandmother made me.
I miss you.
You fucking bastards. You went away and took all the magic. How could you. How could you?
love,
RE
And that said, I'm done. Good night.
But this needs to be written now, since I've already lost a lot of it and it's only been 2 hours...
Dearest you, who do not read my LJ, you, to whom I will never write again, you, who aren't going to hear about my exciting adventures in living because I can't take it anymore, so you're going back on the list of people who get cordial Christmas cards, you,
You fucking bastards. How could you? How. could. you. leave me like this? You went away and you took all the magic with you. There's nothing left but an empty church building in rural Virginia, and I'm not saying it's not beautiful in its own way, but it's not the sort of beauty I want. I miss you.
I fucking miss you.
I want to play again, I want to try to win you again, I want to hold my breath and dive deep and take you with me and I want to watch you and I want to dream about you and I miss you. I. miss. you. Game over. I lost.
Last year and the blown kiss and the wave across the room and those little glances and that "there she is!" and that "I'll pick you up tomorrow" and the pie table and the gravy and the turkey and now everything is gone.
You went away and took the High Holy Days with you.
My priest. My priestess.
I had to be by myself today, so I slipped upstairs and set my watch and cried for ten minutes on the couch in your office. I spent so many hours on that couch writing letters, so many hours sobbing, wrapped in the green cape my grandmother made me.
I miss you.
You fucking bastards. You went away and took all the magic. How could you. How could you?
love,
RE
And that said, I'm done. Good night.