scattered soul pieces on the floor
whee. talked to gvambat till 6:30 this morning. Woke up at 10 for church. Wrote rant in church about how fandom undervalues canonical friendship in lieu of extra-canonical romance and how this is a reflection of a culture that undervalues friendship in general. Used multi-fandom examples. Miss the ministerpeople.
Napped all afternoon. Dinner. Math tutoring. Helped a really sweet girl with absolute value and the distance equation. Did homework. Took a shower for the first time in ages.
pretty-boys on my desktop hugging and pretty-boys in my fanfic fucking and pretty-girls in my real-life and pretty-soon all that's left is a blur of sparkle and light and the depth subsides and I forgot why I go to church every Sunday. I don't remember.
I have become That Girl, I've decided. I keep on doing things that are... That Girl-like. I am that girl on the plane who started crying as soon as she sat down and didn't stop for the entire trip. I am that girl who was playing Phantom of the Opera on the day we moved in when everyone else was still unpacking. I am that girl who goes to church every Sunday because it's what she's always done. I think I feel anonymous. When I do something that no one else is doing, I don't feel like it's a very Ruth Ellen thing to do. I feel like it's something that girl does, the anonymous girl on the airplane/in the dorm/at church.
A lot of what makes me unique these days feels pretty unsubstantial. I knew that when I decided to get involved in fandom, but I guess I didn't realize just how much that would happen.
I'm also overwhelmed with my usual school-year inertia. I have all this work to do, and I end up doing it at the last possible moment, and in the mean time I sit and stress over it and collect pretty wallpapers for my computer. I have 68 MG of Stargate wallpapers.
The last original fiction I wrote was "Archangel," and that was months ago. All the religious imagery from last year has dried up. I'm happier with my fanfic than I was last semester. I think the writing is getting better and I feel freer to write in my style and not be afraid of undermining the characters, though I still don't think I have a very good grasp of mannerisms.
If I have any spare time this semester, I'm going to try to finish some of my original fiction, I think. To make me feel better about myself.
Writing stolen from a year ago:
They were my Easter sunrise, my golden lily, my rose of Sharon my romance my life my love my promise my hope my fire and water, my Easter fertility ritual, my Pentecostal tongues of fire burning into each other's mouths
Napped all afternoon. Dinner. Math tutoring. Helped a really sweet girl with absolute value and the distance equation. Did homework. Took a shower for the first time in ages.
pretty-boys on my desktop hugging and pretty-boys in my fanfic fucking and pretty-girls in my real-life and pretty-soon all that's left is a blur of sparkle and light and the depth subsides and I forgot why I go to church every Sunday. I don't remember.
I have become That Girl, I've decided. I keep on doing things that are... That Girl-like. I am that girl on the plane who started crying as soon as she sat down and didn't stop for the entire trip. I am that girl who was playing Phantom of the Opera on the day we moved in when everyone else was still unpacking. I am that girl who goes to church every Sunday because it's what she's always done. I think I feel anonymous. When I do something that no one else is doing, I don't feel like it's a very Ruth Ellen thing to do. I feel like it's something that girl does, the anonymous girl on the airplane/in the dorm/at church.
A lot of what makes me unique these days feels pretty unsubstantial. I knew that when I decided to get involved in fandom, but I guess I didn't realize just how much that would happen.
I'm also overwhelmed with my usual school-year inertia. I have all this work to do, and I end up doing it at the last possible moment, and in the mean time I sit and stress over it and collect pretty wallpapers for my computer. I have 68 MG of Stargate wallpapers.
The last original fiction I wrote was "Archangel," and that was months ago. All the religious imagery from last year has dried up. I'm happier with my fanfic than I was last semester. I think the writing is getting better and I feel freer to write in my style and not be afraid of undermining the characters, though I still don't think I have a very good grasp of mannerisms.
If I have any spare time this semester, I'm going to try to finish some of my original fiction, I think. To make me feel better about myself.
Writing stolen from a year ago:
They were my Easter sunrise, my golden lily, my rose of Sharon my romance my life my love my promise my hope my fire and water, my Easter fertility ritual, my Pentecostal tongues of fire burning into each other's mouths