another round of dear you
Dear you,
I wonder if you ever really understood me. Ever. I told you everything, all my "deep dark secrets" and they felt sickly and fake in your presence. I miss you and at the same time I can't imagine being able to confide in you anymore. Not your fault. Not your fault--it never was--that you are a different sort of creature. I wonder what might have been. If I hadn't made the choices I did, and if things hadn't happened the way they did. Would we still be friends? Would we be more? (I wondered that. Did you ever?) Not a crush, just an idle thought, an inescapable thought. But it doesn't matter. It's too late now... I still want to win you back, in a jealous, pointless sort of way. Like I resent your other friends even though I know it's over between us and has been for a long, long time. I still want to be your best beloved.
Yrs
RE
Dear you,
I love you and resent you and am angry at you and sad and guilty all at once. I miss you, but I don't want it back. I miss the perfect understanding we had. I know I can't go back. I don't want my soul eaten like that anymore. And yet... it's a springtime romance sort of thing. It still looks pretty in memory, a gilded portrait pretty. Were we once the same? Yes. But we aren't anymore, and it is clear, painfully, crystal-like clearness, that we won't be again. Do I regret that? Resent that? I think I accepted it as inevitable from the beginning.
yrs,
RE
Dear you,
I miss you. I miss you even when you're right there in front of me, or as close as you're going to come these days, and I realize that a year has come and gone and we've both changed. You still don't judge harshly and tell me that there's something wrong with me (I wonder who does that), but you seem so very far away, so distant. You made me into your girl and then you didn't want me to be your girl anymore, and now I've changed and I am someone new and what there once was between us isn't anymore. And I miss that. And I miss you.
love
RE
Dear you,
I'm only writing this since I know you don't read my LJ. I've got a huge, huge crush on you and have since June... since May... since March... forever. And since you're straight, I've got a huge, unrequited crush on you. Why on earth did you bother to shape me so perfectly if you don't want us to fit together exactly right?
love
RE
I wonder if you ever really understood me. Ever. I told you everything, all my "deep dark secrets" and they felt sickly and fake in your presence. I miss you and at the same time I can't imagine being able to confide in you anymore. Not your fault. Not your fault--it never was--that you are a different sort of creature. I wonder what might have been. If I hadn't made the choices I did, and if things hadn't happened the way they did. Would we still be friends? Would we be more? (I wondered that. Did you ever?) Not a crush, just an idle thought, an inescapable thought. But it doesn't matter. It's too late now... I still want to win you back, in a jealous, pointless sort of way. Like I resent your other friends even though I know it's over between us and has been for a long, long time. I still want to be your best beloved.
Yrs
RE
Dear you,
I love you and resent you and am angry at you and sad and guilty all at once. I miss you, but I don't want it back. I miss the perfect understanding we had. I know I can't go back. I don't want my soul eaten like that anymore. And yet... it's a springtime romance sort of thing. It still looks pretty in memory, a gilded portrait pretty. Were we once the same? Yes. But we aren't anymore, and it is clear, painfully, crystal-like clearness, that we won't be again. Do I regret that? Resent that? I think I accepted it as inevitable from the beginning.
yrs,
RE
Dear you,
I miss you. I miss you even when you're right there in front of me, or as close as you're going to come these days, and I realize that a year has come and gone and we've both changed. You still don't judge harshly and tell me that there's something wrong with me (I wonder who does that), but you seem so very far away, so distant. You made me into your girl and then you didn't want me to be your girl anymore, and now I've changed and I am someone new and what there once was between us isn't anymore. And I miss that. And I miss you.
love
RE
Dear you,
I'm only writing this since I know you don't read my LJ. I've got a huge, huge crush on you and have since June... since May... since March... forever. And since you're straight, I've got a huge, unrequited crush on you. Why on earth did you bother to shape me so perfectly if you don't want us to fit together exactly right?
love
RE