Misunderstanding is an aid to to sociability
An ability to make inferences about other people based on small evidences seems like an enviable talent. It is admittedly quite useful. It is compelling enough as a challenge and so appealing as a personal power that I once fairly lusted after practicing it-naively, for as I have discovered, it has unintended consequences. It transforms many exchanges others take for granted into hints, exercises and puzzles; one cannot quite relax until these are accounted for, and nagging problems solved.
More importantly, it seems to me that the faculty some others' have for casually appreciating other people is much aided by ignorance. One way this is true is that without much information, most people tend to to project what they will onto others; if they are depressed, or if they respond to stereotypes, they might feel misanthropic towards others, but otherwise they see what they like, and like people they meet, and make friends easily if they are extroverts. It's also the case that generally, people do not see superficial understanding of another person as an implicit challenge to their intellect-something that needs to be understood more deeply.
At least for me, once open questions give way to a picture which is less than admirable, and only typical, it is difficult to find another person intriguing any longer-chiefly because in most people's cases, the predominant mystery about their character amounts to what psychological problems they have left unresolved. Only an unusual person appears more interesting, more compelling, or more admirable after they are understood-only when a fine simple quality shines through, or a complex character that will keep surprising.
Dr. Watson was always more content than Mr. Holmes.
More importantly, it seems to me that the faculty some others' have for casually appreciating other people is much aided by ignorance. One way this is true is that without much information, most people tend to to project what they will onto others; if they are depressed, or if they respond to stereotypes, they might feel misanthropic towards others, but otherwise they see what they like, and like people they meet, and make friends easily if they are extroverts. It's also the case that generally, people do not see superficial understanding of another person as an implicit challenge to their intellect-something that needs to be understood more deeply.
At least for me, once open questions give way to a picture which is less than admirable, and only typical, it is difficult to find another person intriguing any longer-chiefly because in most people's cases, the predominant mystery about their character amounts to what psychological problems they have left unresolved. Only an unusual person appears more interesting, more compelling, or more admirable after they are understood-only when a fine simple quality shines through, or a complex character that will keep surprising.
Dr. Watson was always more content than Mr. Holmes.