Living Room full of bush. El campeon Tardate. Saque buenas notas.
That goddam Christmas tree is huge. We've got a 10 foot ceiling in the living room and we had to cut off the top branches just to get it to fit. That's the way Christmas trees are supposed to be, fucking huge fire hazards. I takes up a quarter or so of the room in our rather large living room. I think I'll trim the tree in a little while.
I fell asleep after the Simpson's last night, and missed Richard's hard core band. Red should have woke me up. Bastard.
Saturday night Sam woke me up at midnight. He just busts into my room and opens the door and turns on the lights. "What are you doing?" (While hiding head under pillow)"I'm sleeping what the hell does it look like?!?!" "You wanna meet a hot chick?" Without thought I started putting on my boots. Hmm glad I slept in my clothes. Sam tells me he doesn't know why he's here. He's been on X and can't put his thoughts together very well. "That explains your just barging in like that. I could have been jerking off to animal porn, for chris'sakes." So I follow him downstairs, and there's a hot chick standing in the TV room. Of course the place is a train wreck, so it's kinda strange. I thought Sam knew about a party or something. He was serious, he really wasn't putting his thoughts together very well. Ah It's like having an extra brother. Soon enough the two of them left. He was obviously talking to her about the shit we'd been making because he starts singing the lyrics to one of the songs, and I sing along, and he says, "see....".
Well I was up so I felt like going out and doing something. I just hopped in the car and went to CatBirds. I'd had a compulsion to go there for a while. They were having a Christmas party or something, thouhg the crowd seemed slightly smaller than on other Saturdays. Well maybe not it was already pretty late. Strangely enough I see Jon Casserole there. He gets my number and tries to get me to be a Gulf Coast Grappler. Me? A wrestler with my own stupid name, and costume. Well if he doesn't call me it'll never happen, but I've been thinking about my character. OK get this:
I could be 'The Tardate'. I could walk around in a stupid super hero costume with a cap and my left arm all curled up like I had cerebral palsy (like Handi-Man). I could put Tabasco sauce under my tongue so I'd drool alot. When on the mic I could say, "ARAH ARAH ARAGH!!!" That would be hilarious to get a bunch of people to chant that. My knock out move could be something lame like a Spine Buster, but the announcer would say, "Oh no it's the dreaded IQ Drop". I would then sit on the opponents belly and start eating a Handi-Snack (isn't that what they're called?). You know those crackers and cheese in a sealed container that comes with a little red plastic stick? Get it a handicapped person eating a Handi-Snack. Heh. When the hot chicks who carry around the Round cards go by somebody could say, "Tardate what how do you feel about this?" I could then respond, "I tink I need to go to dah baffroom nee-yow". I figure most of the time my character would get the crap beaten out of him. But I'd get them back. My main thing would be to hit people with steel chairs. Not flat sided like on TV but skinny side like an axe. Run up behind people yell like a tard, yell like a tard who just learn to tie their shoes, and then sit on their bellies and starte eating Handi-Snacks. ARAH ARAH ARAGH Baby.
Really though the tard wanting to go to the bathroom to jack off thing is real. I read a psych article one time and it was just about what methods were most effective in keeping blind retards from masturbating and scratching themselves. The most effective method was to squeeze jabanero pepper juice on their hands. I kid, they used cayenne peppers.
Well shit earlier this morning I figured out what kind of grades I need to get to graduate Magna Cum Laude. I only need a B+ the rest of the way. Good news I got an A in that Soc class I wasn't sure about. Good shit.
Jessica Simpson and some boy band guy are singing Silent Night on Good Morning America. This makes me want to shit more than prune juice.
I fell asleep after the Simpson's last night, and missed Richard's hard core band. Red should have woke me up. Bastard.
Saturday night Sam woke me up at midnight. He just busts into my room and opens the door and turns on the lights. "What are you doing?" (While hiding head under pillow)"I'm sleeping what the hell does it look like?!?!" "You wanna meet a hot chick?" Without thought I started putting on my boots. Hmm glad I slept in my clothes. Sam tells me he doesn't know why he's here. He's been on X and can't put his thoughts together very well. "That explains your just barging in like that. I could have been jerking off to animal porn, for chris'sakes." So I follow him downstairs, and there's a hot chick standing in the TV room. Of course the place is a train wreck, so it's kinda strange. I thought Sam knew about a party or something. He was serious, he really wasn't putting his thoughts together very well. Ah It's like having an extra brother. Soon enough the two of them left. He was obviously talking to her about the shit we'd been making because he starts singing the lyrics to one of the songs, and I sing along, and he says, "see....".
Well I was up so I felt like going out and doing something. I just hopped in the car and went to CatBirds. I'd had a compulsion to go there for a while. They were having a Christmas party or something, thouhg the crowd seemed slightly smaller than on other Saturdays. Well maybe not it was already pretty late. Strangely enough I see Jon Casserole there. He gets my number and tries to get me to be a Gulf Coast Grappler. Me? A wrestler with my own stupid name, and costume. Well if he doesn't call me it'll never happen, but I've been thinking about my character. OK get this:
I could be 'The Tardate'. I could walk around in a stupid super hero costume with a cap and my left arm all curled up like I had cerebral palsy (like Handi-Man). I could put Tabasco sauce under my tongue so I'd drool alot. When on the mic I could say, "ARAH ARAH ARAGH!!!" That would be hilarious to get a bunch of people to chant that. My knock out move could be something lame like a Spine Buster, but the announcer would say, "Oh no it's the dreaded IQ Drop". I would then sit on the opponents belly and start eating a Handi-Snack (isn't that what they're called?). You know those crackers and cheese in a sealed container that comes with a little red plastic stick? Get it a handicapped person eating a Handi-Snack. Heh. When the hot chicks who carry around the Round cards go by somebody could say, "Tardate what how do you feel about this?" I could then respond, "I tink I need to go to dah baffroom nee-yow". I figure most of the time my character would get the crap beaten out of him. But I'd get them back. My main thing would be to hit people with steel chairs. Not flat sided like on TV but skinny side like an axe. Run up behind people yell like a tard, yell like a tard who just learn to tie their shoes, and then sit on their bellies and starte eating Handi-Snacks. ARAH ARAH ARAGH Baby.
Really though the tard wanting to go to the bathroom to jack off thing is real. I read a psych article one time and it was just about what methods were most effective in keeping blind retards from masturbating and scratching themselves. The most effective method was to squeeze jabanero pepper juice on their hands. I kid, they used cayenne peppers.
Well shit earlier this morning I figured out what kind of grades I need to get to graduate Magna Cum Laude. I only need a B+ the rest of the way. Good news I got an A in that Soc class I wasn't sure about. Good shit.
Jessica Simpson and some boy band guy are singing Silent Night on Good Morning America. This makes me want to shit more than prune juice.