Ruminating about my period and pregnancy
97.6
So I didn't cry this time when I got my period. That's good. Maybe I am getting better at this mellow thing now that I've been working on it for a little while. The little painful reminders are still there, but I'm dealing okay.
I think one of the things that is helping is that I can keep track of myself, and tell if I'm going to get my period considerably before it happens, so I get warning, and I don't spend a lot of time hoping.
This was a bad period. It was compounded by the other health problems, but it was bad. My cramps don't usually make me cry. God, I love Aleve. Still, no one should experience all the things I had all at once. Gah.
So now it's about a week and a half until I ovulate again. Give or take, that's how it works. 10 days from the end of my period to ovulate, and then 10 days until the cramps start. The bonus of knowing this through the wonders of the thermometer is that I know when I can be 'bad'. I can drink at SuperCon. Silmarian and I are currently debating about whether we feel comfortable with me having sex with other people that close to O-Day. I can give him lots of leeway in making that decision since I get to have sex other times. And hopefully qubit will be here before my period shows up. Actually, hopefully by the time qubit gets here, I will be pregnant, but I'm not counting on it.
I think that is the difference that is making me calmer. That I don't expect to get pregnant in any given month gives me more balance and equanimity than I had before. Knowing my cycle gives me only about a week of wondering. But this is calmness that I could not have come to without what I have experienced before. It is six cycles since I went off birth control. I still want badly to be pregnant and have a baby. But I have more of the faith that I have been looking for. Not enough, but more.
So I didn't cry this time when I got my period. That's good. Maybe I am getting better at this mellow thing now that I've been working on it for a little while. The little painful reminders are still there, but I'm dealing okay.
I think one of the things that is helping is that I can keep track of myself, and tell if I'm going to get my period considerably before it happens, so I get warning, and I don't spend a lot of time hoping.
This was a bad period. It was compounded by the other health problems, but it was bad. My cramps don't usually make me cry. God, I love Aleve. Still, no one should experience all the things I had all at once. Gah.
So now it's about a week and a half until I ovulate again. Give or take, that's how it works. 10 days from the end of my period to ovulate, and then 10 days until the cramps start. The bonus of knowing this through the wonders of the thermometer is that I know when I can be 'bad'. I can drink at SuperCon. Silmarian and I are currently debating about whether we feel comfortable with me having sex with other people that close to O-Day. I can give him lots of leeway in making that decision since I get to have sex other times. And hopefully qubit will be here before my period shows up. Actually, hopefully by the time qubit gets here, I will be pregnant, but I'm not counting on it.
I think that is the difference that is making me calmer. That I don't expect to get pregnant in any given month gives me more balance and equanimity than I had before. Knowing my cycle gives me only about a week of wondering. But this is calmness that I could not have come to without what I have experienced before. It is six cycles since I went off birth control. I still want badly to be pregnant and have a baby. But I have more of the faith that I have been looking for. Not enough, but more.