(no subject)
YOU FUCKING COWARD. STOP RUNNING AWAY!!!
you are punishing both of us. i know it freaks you out how i can see through this persona you have built up for yourself
but you NEED me
you need someone like me who likes you for who you are and not who you pretend to be.
who will stick by you and not give up on you even though you act like a fucking dick
but you are making it so hard. and i'm sick of crying over you all the time. im sick of being the one that has to hurt because you are too scared to face up to it.
i know you are avoiding me because you are worried about getting too attached. you tell me its because i'm too attched and you dont want to hurt me but the thing is i know its because you got scared when i told you all this stuff about yourself that you didn't think anyone else could see. that freaked you out.
but i promise i could make you happy. and i dont ask for anything more then a little bit of attention. but im sick of begging for it.
i told you if you wan't me in your life you need to make me apart of it because i was sick of fighting for a place. and you tell me you do. but you take me for granted. you think im going to hang around while you get your shit together and try to ignore what is going on. i can't do that. i wish i could just hate you. because it would make it so much easier.
but i understand exactly why you are the way you are and i want to help you. i think i could make you happy. but you won't let me. and you are digging yourself deeper and deeper into this mess you made
you think that by not spending time with me you are somehow making this easier for me. i love you if you are here and i love you if you aren't here. the only difference is it hurts alot more when you aren't. any attention you could give me would be enough for me. just treat me like im important to you. i dont expect you to change. i just expect you to start being honest.
how can i give up on you. you genuinely hate hurting people but you keep doing it over and over again. and you keep hurting yourself. and if i give up on you, you are going to take it as justification that you were right and you are a bad person. if i dont give up on you i'm going to keep crying. im going to keep chasing something that wont exist.
i worry the only time you will realise what i mean to you is when im gone and then it will be too late for both of us.
and shit is so fucked at the moment. so fucked. i don't even know how it got this fucked. and i hate that i'm so angry at you. why did you force me in this position. all i want is your company. to see you. to spend time with you. to be able to feel the way i do about you. i don't ask anything else. and you make it so so complicated. you are so worried about what might happen you are missing everything. i don't want to regret anything. i dont want to wake up oneday and think wow i really should have given it more effort. i CAN'T just stop feeling this way about you even though you do your best to convince me that i should. you treat me in a way that makes me think i'd be better off if i did.
i know you just want to protect yourself.
but you are such a fucking coward. such a coward
and i'm sick of hurting so much.
i'm sick of being scared of saying anything to you for fear you are going to run away and leave me alone. and im sorry i hurt you when im honest. im sorry i say all the things i shouldnt and that i can't ignore the things i am supposed to. it hurts so so much. but i am not scared. not of this. the only thing im scared of is loosing you
so why is it okay that it's me who has to live in fear too. why when we could so easily solve this together. i could help you and you could help me. and i would never ask anything more. i don't want to loose you but i can see you slipping away everyday. just a little bit further. you need to let me help you. i can't help you when you resist me. i can't be the person i need to be for you when you don't see me. i can't live the way i'm living. i'm a shell of a person. i need you and i don't even undertand how i came to need you so badly.
i dont understand how one person can make me so happy and so desperatly unhappy at the same time. when im with you i'm so happy. so so so so happy. and i know i can do that for you too. but when you pull away you forget about me. and i am so beyond sad i could not even explain. and im scared im going to do something stupid because of it. i have never been this dependant on another person for my happiness in my life.
how can i make you understand my feelings.
im scaring you away.
i hate it.
please come back. please. i'll help you and it won't be so scarey. you just need to let it be and stop worrying. you need to accept the way you feel and the way i feel and accept there is no changing it. it just is. please. i beg and i beg and i beg and it hurts me everytime because i keep getting rejected. and yet i keep begging. because you are worth fighting for even if you don't think so. and i see the emptiness. and i understand. i really do.
please.
you are punishing both of us. i know it freaks you out how i can see through this persona you have built up for yourself
but you NEED me
you need someone like me who likes you for who you are and not who you pretend to be.
who will stick by you and not give up on you even though you act like a fucking dick
but you are making it so hard. and i'm sick of crying over you all the time. im sick of being the one that has to hurt because you are too scared to face up to it.
i know you are avoiding me because you are worried about getting too attached. you tell me its because i'm too attched and you dont want to hurt me but the thing is i know its because you got scared when i told you all this stuff about yourself that you didn't think anyone else could see. that freaked you out.
but i promise i could make you happy. and i dont ask for anything more then a little bit of attention. but im sick of begging for it.
i told you if you wan't me in your life you need to make me apart of it because i was sick of fighting for a place. and you tell me you do. but you take me for granted. you think im going to hang around while you get your shit together and try to ignore what is going on. i can't do that. i wish i could just hate you. because it would make it so much easier.
but i understand exactly why you are the way you are and i want to help you. i think i could make you happy. but you won't let me. and you are digging yourself deeper and deeper into this mess you made
you think that by not spending time with me you are somehow making this easier for me. i love you if you are here and i love you if you aren't here. the only difference is it hurts alot more when you aren't. any attention you could give me would be enough for me. just treat me like im important to you. i dont expect you to change. i just expect you to start being honest.
how can i give up on you. you genuinely hate hurting people but you keep doing it over and over again. and you keep hurting yourself. and if i give up on you, you are going to take it as justification that you were right and you are a bad person. if i dont give up on you i'm going to keep crying. im going to keep chasing something that wont exist.
i worry the only time you will realise what i mean to you is when im gone and then it will be too late for both of us.
and shit is so fucked at the moment. so fucked. i don't even know how it got this fucked. and i hate that i'm so angry at you. why did you force me in this position. all i want is your company. to see you. to spend time with you. to be able to feel the way i do about you. i don't ask anything else. and you make it so so complicated. you are so worried about what might happen you are missing everything. i don't want to regret anything. i dont want to wake up oneday and think wow i really should have given it more effort. i CAN'T just stop feeling this way about you even though you do your best to convince me that i should. you treat me in a way that makes me think i'd be better off if i did.
i know you just want to protect yourself.
but you are such a fucking coward. such a coward
and i'm sick of hurting so much.
i'm sick of being scared of saying anything to you for fear you are going to run away and leave me alone. and im sorry i hurt you when im honest. im sorry i say all the things i shouldnt and that i can't ignore the things i am supposed to. it hurts so so much. but i am not scared. not of this. the only thing im scared of is loosing you
so why is it okay that it's me who has to live in fear too. why when we could so easily solve this together. i could help you and you could help me. and i would never ask anything more. i don't want to loose you but i can see you slipping away everyday. just a little bit further. you need to let me help you. i can't help you when you resist me. i can't be the person i need to be for you when you don't see me. i can't live the way i'm living. i'm a shell of a person. i need you and i don't even undertand how i came to need you so badly.
i dont understand how one person can make me so happy and so desperatly unhappy at the same time. when im with you i'm so happy. so so so so happy. and i know i can do that for you too. but when you pull away you forget about me. and i am so beyond sad i could not even explain. and im scared im going to do something stupid because of it. i have never been this dependant on another person for my happiness in my life.
how can i make you understand my feelings.
im scaring you away.
i hate it.
please come back. please. i'll help you and it won't be so scarey. you just need to let it be and stop worrying. you need to accept the way you feel and the way i feel and accept there is no changing it. it just is. please. i beg and i beg and i beg and it hurts me everytime because i keep getting rejected. and yet i keep begging. because you are worth fighting for even if you don't think so. and i see the emptiness. and i understand. i really do.
please.