update in honor of chief.
they don't write them like they used to. songs i mean. i've been set in a daze lately. I was listening to classic rock with my mom and subsequently decided to watch almost famous. that was the time my mom was growing up, i envy her. I wish i grew up in that time, so naive, so innocent. the bands all had a distinct sound. No one confused the doors with the who.. or zeppelin with bad company. etc. etc. i was definetly conceived in the wrong decade.
I was watching An Affair to Remember this morning on AMC.. they don't write those like they used to either. I remember my mom sat me down once and made me watch Splendor in the Grass with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty and i cried my fucking eyes out. That was the first time my mom showed me a movie where the ending wasn't 'happily ever after'. it was depressing and made me never want to fall in love. A while after she showed me This Property is Condemned with Natalie Wood (again.. see a pattern?) and Robert Redford.. yet again i cried like no other. I realized this was my mother's way of showing me things aren't always happy endings, not everyone lives, and more often than not they are the stories you never hear. I believe i'm stronger because of those movies, along with a few others. Back to an Affair to Remember, kids don't get your heart set on that magic movie ending. You will end up expecting too much, and getting far too little. No man can fulfill those expectations. "i've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie" .. well i have.. and here i am.. still haven't fallen in love.. and i don't expect/want to.
To the man that sparked this... the songs.. the movies.. the love.. Dean Martin. I listen to Dean Martin and i want something.. i want someone who will argue with me until morning about who was a better singer/entertainer Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin.. ahem.. Dean Martin. I love him.. he has this almost 'drunk' sound to him which is so attractive to me. Dean Martin and Cary Grant are like my type of guys. Dark and with attitude. <3.. especially Cary grant in The Philadelphia Story as C.K. Dexter Haven.. i absolutlely would fall for a guy like that. Like Mr. Big. That's the closest i've ever come to identifying my 'dream guy'. so there you go, Kristi - who has asked about my 'type' once before.
.. now to the update for those of you interested in my life, and unable to ask (not that i'd tell you) ..
I should start from the tattoo.. i've had mixed reviews.. Helena's being one of my favorites.
So that week was loaded with work but i got it done with enough time to go out for St. Patty's day on Thursday. It was an interesting night. That is all i will say of it. I also <3 the 'sexy' ladies - kris B, amanduh, and parker - like no others. You ladies are fabulous.
Friday was the Battle of the Bands, i may have been short with a few people - i'm sorry to those who endured the wrath. It was a flop. I believe if people ON CAMPUS knew of the event there would have been more of a turn out. that's all i will say about that aspect. hmm.. the bands. I don't want to brag, but the two bands i brought - Symptom and the Third Degree were so much better than those other 'bands'. Parker was awesome and stayed for the whole thing, and also made it fun when i was pissed. Tony and Ana came which was also alot of fun. the last band won, and the only reason was because of the pathetic, teeny-boppers that go to my school. There is a reason that no guy will touch you with a ten-foot pole. damn you biotches.
Bad news was delivered prior to the B.O.B. fiasco. A stupid bitch broke up with the most amazing girl in the world. Lauren - you can do so much better than her, she doesn't deserve you. like i said.. tell her to watch her ass.. because i'm going to be kicking it. Shayaya. In all seriousness though, you are probably the coolest girl in the world and deserve someone godlike. i <3 you - like no other!
Saturday was the Forensics Symposium. I was incredibly exhausted, because after the B.O.B. i stayed up until like 3ish talking to parker in my room. Chief kept calling me - i forced myself to get up (alone, again) and look decent for DQ. He was wearing a tie, and he spoke to me several times. I can not recall what these unconvential conversations were about, but i remember thinking.. man, i totally adore DQ. I sat with Chief we talked about that stupid skank that broke her heart, and did a crossword.. because we rock like that. We went for lunch, and surrounding us in line were some of the amazing speakers from the symposium, and DQ. He introduced us to the other speakers, i believe our faces were probably fire engine red. I felt accomplished. We went back for a bit, i wrote a paper, and chief slept. We went back for the last two speakers. This reminded me so much of last semester. Chief and i were inseperable for a while. We went to Lehigh together, we did chem lab together. I made her cellphone ringer (which might i add is probably the best thing i've ever done). We have talked to each other when we were drunk, but never got drunk together. We have seen each other through our fair share of problems, and relationships ( or rather my lack there of). It's incredibly hard for me to trust people, chief proved trustworthy and this is why i love her.
Saturday night the girls went back to Lehigh, but i was in such a horrible mood i decided to stay behind. I regretted that decision, i am my own worst enemy really. I hate my own company. i probably watched some movies - i don't remember which.
Sunday i talked with Kristian alot, i <3 that girl too. Chief eventually came over, and lauren did as well. We studied, but our quiz grades of the next day would suggest otherwise. it turned out to be a sucessful day, however because chief and i made an 'angry break-up'cd. Which makes me happy, even though it's incredibly late. It still gets the job done.
Monday - Wed. as far as i remember were uneventful. One big thing was when i let my guard down. My roommate saw it, for the first time in a very, very long time i let it down. That was a terrible decision and i should review my cases closer before i do something that stupid again.
I had lunch with Chief on thursday, and decided to go home after bio lab. After a few hours home, i got sick of the scene and decided i needed out again. I went to britt's. We talked about things, school, friends, guys, etc. It was nice, i totally missed that girl. Va Voom showed up later and it was a good time. Jimmy was also there.. haha. in spirit, and on the phone. it was a fun evening.
Friday i got alot of work done. school work, on my break. fun stuff. I also watched i heart huckabees. i really love that movie.
Saturday was Eric Tal Day. We had not had our 'valentine's day' so this totally made up for that. We went to Barnes and Noble and he carried around a fertility for dummies book. It was priceless. They didn't have the book i needed, so we peaced that joint. Went to the mall. Found JOE LAGA at hot topic, and stole him from work. Met Tim, who works at abercrombie with dave p. we had a good amount of laughs on that topic alone. It was definetly a fun time, those three reminded why i love guys. They were just so much fun. and Joe's extremely corny jokes made me miss him. (we are still getting married right?). After a while with them, we went to FYE, made fun of kids and listened to music. We went to saturday matinee where i was informed MacGyver is out on dvd, kick ass. We went to Guess where i bought the hottest shoes ever. fake lime green snakeskin. about 4 inches, my mom called them my 'sarah jessica' shoes. She says i'm her carrie. I guess i am. The bookstore in the mall didn't have the book i needed either. damn bookstores. We went drove around, went to brundage. On the playground, the swings. I lost my keys, but thank god for the snow - they stood out. we went to acme, where we ran into brittany again, and bought his mom some chips. We went to my house so i could show my mom my shoes, and pick up the 'Richard Cheese' cd i have. Eric loved him too. Who wouldn't love his covers of some of the most unusual 90s hits done in a lounge style? We went to DQ - and in a strange series of events including me almost backing up hitting her, i found reshma (fishma). After aimlessly driving around, leen called. We went over to ashley's dad's. ashley, brian, leen, helena, frank, jeff, chris, nick, caitlyn, and later fed and steph came for a bit. It was fun. They rented Santa with Muscles. haha. i missed those kids.
Today - easter. tony was sick, so that blew. I won't lie. We went to my aunt annie's in Oakland. It was nice, i missed the family. I got to see the baby cousins. they are all so adorable. I love my family, but sometimes i feel so.. almost naked, in front of them. I feel so exposed, and judged. I mean i only get that impression from a few, but it's enough to make me uncomfortable. i feel like a dead carcass being pulled apart by scavengers. I wore my sexy heals today, that made me feel good even when i was thrown to the wolves. Even wolves can appreciate that i can not only walk in them, but i also looked damn fine in them as well. So back to the family, it may seem that i'm harsh, but sometimes i feel that way. Other times i feel upset leaving, i barely get to see my family, and i do love them, the sarcastic, critical, hypocritical, cut throat, (etc. etc.). When i leave, i feel like a hole gets bigger, i wish i saw my extended family more, especially my grandparents, and my cousins (tufo!). i miss being younger, when i was jessie bo-bo. I miss seeing my cousin more, before there was this great divide that to this day is stil not spoken of. I feel bad for my mom when we are around family alot, i know she feels left out. She's the ( i hate using slang, especially negitive slang about my backgrounds) diego girl. *that most likely went over many of your heads*.
Whenever i'm around the baby cousins, someone usually says "can you believe that you guys are next?" referring to me, my brother, and my cousin. I can't even imagine that. we are all so messed up right now. I mean we all have so many issues right this moment in time. Tony has been in love several times- i'm sure. Tara - i'm not sure. I have not. and i don't know if it will happen. maybe it's not meant for me. I know one thing for sure is that i pick the wrong guys. Most recent cases will prove that statement - true.
there have been a 2 people that helped me get through these two weeks. 1st - to a 4th grade girl that told me i was 'pretty'. That made my day- my week- my month. I also recieved a call from one of my best friends saying if i wasn't straight i would be their soul mate. That was pretty fantastic. <3 i heart you darling!
i have much more to say, but my thoughts are everywhere right now. I need to organized them and continue with this mess.
this entry is long, because this is now more public. I have nothing to hide, of course other than the stuff i hide.
how many of you actually think you know me anyway?
I was watching An Affair to Remember this morning on AMC.. they don't write those like they used to either. I remember my mom sat me down once and made me watch Splendor in the Grass with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty and i cried my fucking eyes out. That was the first time my mom showed me a movie where the ending wasn't 'happily ever after'. it was depressing and made me never want to fall in love. A while after she showed me This Property is Condemned with Natalie Wood (again.. see a pattern?) and Robert Redford.. yet again i cried like no other. I realized this was my mother's way of showing me things aren't always happy endings, not everyone lives, and more often than not they are the stories you never hear. I believe i'm stronger because of those movies, along with a few others. Back to an Affair to Remember, kids don't get your heart set on that magic movie ending. You will end up expecting too much, and getting far too little. No man can fulfill those expectations. "i've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie" .. well i have.. and here i am.. still haven't fallen in love.. and i don't expect/want to.
To the man that sparked this... the songs.. the movies.. the love.. Dean Martin. I listen to Dean Martin and i want something.. i want someone who will argue with me until morning about who was a better singer/entertainer Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin.. ahem.. Dean Martin. I love him.. he has this almost 'drunk' sound to him which is so attractive to me. Dean Martin and Cary Grant are like my type of guys. Dark and with attitude. <3.. especially Cary grant in The Philadelphia Story as C.K. Dexter Haven.. i absolutlely would fall for a guy like that. Like Mr. Big. That's the closest i've ever come to identifying my 'dream guy'. so there you go, Kristi - who has asked about my 'type' once before.
.. now to the update for those of you interested in my life, and unable to ask (not that i'd tell you) ..
I should start from the tattoo.. i've had mixed reviews.. Helena's being one of my favorites.
So that week was loaded with work but i got it done with enough time to go out for St. Patty's day on Thursday. It was an interesting night. That is all i will say of it. I also <3 the 'sexy' ladies - kris B, amanduh, and parker - like no others. You ladies are fabulous.
Friday was the Battle of the Bands, i may have been short with a few people - i'm sorry to those who endured the wrath. It was a flop. I believe if people ON CAMPUS knew of the event there would have been more of a turn out. that's all i will say about that aspect. hmm.. the bands. I don't want to brag, but the two bands i brought - Symptom and the Third Degree were so much better than those other 'bands'. Parker was awesome and stayed for the whole thing, and also made it fun when i was pissed. Tony and Ana came which was also alot of fun. the last band won, and the only reason was because of the pathetic, teeny-boppers that go to my school. There is a reason that no guy will touch you with a ten-foot pole. damn you biotches.
Bad news was delivered prior to the B.O.B. fiasco. A stupid bitch broke up with the most amazing girl in the world. Lauren - you can do so much better than her, she doesn't deserve you. like i said.. tell her to watch her ass.. because i'm going to be kicking it. Shayaya. In all seriousness though, you are probably the coolest girl in the world and deserve someone godlike. i <3 you - like no other!
Saturday was the Forensics Symposium. I was incredibly exhausted, because after the B.O.B. i stayed up until like 3ish talking to parker in my room. Chief kept calling me - i forced myself to get up (alone, again) and look decent for DQ. He was wearing a tie, and he spoke to me several times. I can not recall what these unconvential conversations were about, but i remember thinking.. man, i totally adore DQ. I sat with Chief we talked about that stupid skank that broke her heart, and did a crossword.. because we rock like that. We went for lunch, and surrounding us in line were some of the amazing speakers from the symposium, and DQ. He introduced us to the other speakers, i believe our faces were probably fire engine red. I felt accomplished. We went back for a bit, i wrote a paper, and chief slept. We went back for the last two speakers. This reminded me so much of last semester. Chief and i were inseperable for a while. We went to Lehigh together, we did chem lab together. I made her cellphone ringer (which might i add is probably the best thing i've ever done). We have talked to each other when we were drunk, but never got drunk together. We have seen each other through our fair share of problems, and relationships ( or rather my lack there of). It's incredibly hard for me to trust people, chief proved trustworthy and this is why i love her.
Saturday night the girls went back to Lehigh, but i was in such a horrible mood i decided to stay behind. I regretted that decision, i am my own worst enemy really. I hate my own company. i probably watched some movies - i don't remember which.
Sunday i talked with Kristian alot, i <3 that girl too. Chief eventually came over, and lauren did as well. We studied, but our quiz grades of the next day would suggest otherwise. it turned out to be a sucessful day, however because chief and i made an 'angry break-up'cd. Which makes me happy, even though it's incredibly late. It still gets the job done.
Monday - Wed. as far as i remember were uneventful. One big thing was when i let my guard down. My roommate saw it, for the first time in a very, very long time i let it down. That was a terrible decision and i should review my cases closer before i do something that stupid again.
I had lunch with Chief on thursday, and decided to go home after bio lab. After a few hours home, i got sick of the scene and decided i needed out again. I went to britt's. We talked about things, school, friends, guys, etc. It was nice, i totally missed that girl. Va Voom showed up later and it was a good time. Jimmy was also there.. haha. in spirit, and on the phone. it was a fun evening.
Friday i got alot of work done. school work, on my break. fun stuff. I also watched i heart huckabees. i really love that movie.
Saturday was Eric Tal Day. We had not had our 'valentine's day' so this totally made up for that. We went to Barnes and Noble and he carried around a fertility for dummies book. It was priceless. They didn't have the book i needed, so we peaced that joint. Went to the mall. Found JOE LAGA at hot topic, and stole him from work. Met Tim, who works at abercrombie with dave p. we had a good amount of laughs on that topic alone. It was definetly a fun time, those three reminded why i love guys. They were just so much fun. and Joe's extremely corny jokes made me miss him. (we are still getting married right?). After a while with them, we went to FYE, made fun of kids and listened to music. We went to saturday matinee where i was informed MacGyver is out on dvd, kick ass. We went to Guess where i bought the hottest shoes ever. fake lime green snakeskin. about 4 inches, my mom called them my 'sarah jessica' shoes. She says i'm her carrie. I guess i am. The bookstore in the mall didn't have the book i needed either. damn bookstores. We went drove around, went to brundage. On the playground, the swings. I lost my keys, but thank god for the snow - they stood out. we went to acme, where we ran into brittany again, and bought his mom some chips. We went to my house so i could show my mom my shoes, and pick up the 'Richard Cheese' cd i have. Eric loved him too. Who wouldn't love his covers of some of the most unusual 90s hits done in a lounge style? We went to DQ - and in a strange series of events including me almost backing up hitting her, i found reshma (fishma). After aimlessly driving around, leen called. We went over to ashley's dad's. ashley, brian, leen, helena, frank, jeff, chris, nick, caitlyn, and later fed and steph came for a bit. It was fun. They rented Santa with Muscles. haha. i missed those kids.
Today - easter. tony was sick, so that blew. I won't lie. We went to my aunt annie's in Oakland. It was nice, i missed the family. I got to see the baby cousins. they are all so adorable. I love my family, but sometimes i feel so.. almost naked, in front of them. I feel so exposed, and judged. I mean i only get that impression from a few, but it's enough to make me uncomfortable. i feel like a dead carcass being pulled apart by scavengers. I wore my sexy heals today, that made me feel good even when i was thrown to the wolves. Even wolves can appreciate that i can not only walk in them, but i also looked damn fine in them as well. So back to the family, it may seem that i'm harsh, but sometimes i feel that way. Other times i feel upset leaving, i barely get to see my family, and i do love them, the sarcastic, critical, hypocritical, cut throat, (etc. etc.). When i leave, i feel like a hole gets bigger, i wish i saw my extended family more, especially my grandparents, and my cousins (tufo!). i miss being younger, when i was jessie bo-bo. I miss seeing my cousin more, before there was this great divide that to this day is stil not spoken of. I feel bad for my mom when we are around family alot, i know she feels left out. She's the ( i hate using slang, especially negitive slang about my backgrounds) diego girl. *that most likely went over many of your heads*.
Whenever i'm around the baby cousins, someone usually says "can you believe that you guys are next?" referring to me, my brother, and my cousin. I can't even imagine that. we are all so messed up right now. I mean we all have so many issues right this moment in time. Tony has been in love several times- i'm sure. Tara - i'm not sure. I have not. and i don't know if it will happen. maybe it's not meant for me. I know one thing for sure is that i pick the wrong guys. Most recent cases will prove that statement - true.
there have been a 2 people that helped me get through these two weeks. 1st - to a 4th grade girl that told me i was 'pretty'. That made my day- my week- my month. I also recieved a call from one of my best friends saying if i wasn't straight i would be their soul mate. That was pretty fantastic. <3 i heart you darling!
i have much more to say, but my thoughts are everywhere right now. I need to organized them and continue with this mess.
this entry is long, because this is now more public. I have nothing to hide, of course other than the stuff i hide.
how many of you actually think you know me anyway?