The new beginning
wire_dancer
Title: The new beginning ch1
Author: wire_dancer
Rating: R-NC17 (depends on the chapter)
Pairing: 2min
Summary: Can you start a new life when the word hope is long forgotten? Can you start to feel again when you think you are dead inside. And what if the only person you fervently wish was different seems to be the same as everyone else?
The beginning of the school year brings changes, new subjects, new teachers, new students and for some there’s a tiny bit of hope for a new life. Still Taemin is not one of those people, he knows full well that this feeling of hope only brings a bitter disappointment later, that the past chases him no matter how far he goes, no matter how fast he runs, it is right there, just a few steps behind, and he can sense its cold breath on the nape of his neck
This school is the same as any other school, Taemin watches from his place near his new teacher at the whole class that is staring back at him, he watches the faces of his classmates through the shield created by the light tresses of his long fringe, mumbles some words of self introduction and stumbles on the way to his new seat in the back row near the opened window, paying no attention to a few disgusting remarks of his new classmates. He pictures himself through the prism of their vision. Lanky skinny boy with awkward and uneasy motions of his body, a ghostly figure, hidden by the thin layer of bones and skin, skin too thin and transparent to cover anything. Looks around. Everything is the same, time repeats itself again, its undying circling motion and it’s leaving him with no place to run. All that is left is for the situation to repeat itself and he should be grateful if it wouldn’t get worse, simple as it is.
He scans the classroom, trying to spot his future tormenter and lets his gaze linger on the face of a tall dark-haired male who stares back at him with the mixture of amusement and disgust and Taemin then absentmindedly concludes that it is him, the one who will make his life a pure hell again. He is surprised to see him though, as he gives off somewhat different feel, something in his eyes seems really unknown to Taemin, but in the end everyone is still the same concludes the boy. Always, they are always the same. Though it’s a handsome one that time, he mutters to himself just to state the fact. He looks back again at the attractive face only to read the resentment carved in the perfect features, in the shade of the mouth and the lines under the huge eyes, and it’s the first time for a really long time that he feels his heart constrict in pain and dismay as he sees it.
-You don’t have to look like that, you know. I know I’m disgusting without you showing it - Taemin whispers to no one, trying not to get hurt by his own words. But gets hurt by them nevertheless
The following few days are there only to prove how right he is, as Minho really never leaves Taemin out, spitting rude remarks, mocking him constantly, as his friends cheering him on as he humiliates Taemin in front of the whole school and Taemin just stands there with his eyes cast down, his face hidden by his long fringe and his hands awkwardly clutching the heap of school books. And it would be fine if not for that strong disgust Taemin sees reflected in the brown eyes
-What? The cat got your tongue? Are you even a boy? - Minho smirks and Taemin shrugs, wondering if he can get even more uncreative. The same words, the same insults, he is so used to them by now that he can predict what those boys will say even before they open up their mouth. Those words that don’t hurt, those words that shouldn’t hurt him, but what scares Taemin the most is the feeling of pain somewhere within his thin transparent body, somewhere where he assumes his heart used to be. The heart he considers long forgotten and lost but the pain just proves him wrong, leaving him confused and broken.
Minho is the same, yet different
He is different and that makes Taemin curious just a tiny little bit and it actually makes him feel like he can feelagain, something he thinks he has lost the ability to do a long time ago. And that’s what scaring Taemin the most. Minho is different, even though Taemin fervently wishes he was the same
He never touches Taemin, unlike those other guys back then and despite humiliating Taemin, Minho never, never hits him and that is something new, something Taemin can’t understand, something he can’t fully grasp, and that’s what makes him wonder if possibly Minho is different. But every day he finds his locker filled with junk, pieces of papers with fag written all over them and he sighs thinking that maybe after all Minho is the same, that maybe he simply isn’t violent.
After school Taemin doesn’t go straight home, he heads to the convenience store not too far away, where he works part time, as being a burden to his elderly grandmother is the last thing he wants. Deep down though he knows he just has nothing else to do anyway. Though maybe the convenience store isn’t the best choice and he cringes every time another customer tries to touch him as if accidentally, but says nothing when they lean closer to his face and whisper the price they are willing to pay. Taemin says nothing again, too used to that, to get either angry or disgusted. After that he just politely refuses, as he’s not the one to make a scene anyway and cause problems to the owner, who is one of the few people who are nice to him. On the days Taemin doesn’t work, he has some business to attend, something the authorities insist he should do, but he doesn’t mind, those meetings doesn’t change anything anyway. At least not yet. It still is too early.
When Taemin goes home he thinks of Minho, he thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Minho was different.
As usual after exhausting but rather satisfying soccer practice, Minho sprints home and then he heads straight to the shower to wash off the signs of fatigue and sweaty smell, the lukewarm water feels nice on his heated skin, relaxing his aching muscles, reviving him and helping to release the tension. And as usual when Minho finishes his shower he finds that even though it helps to get rid of weariness of his body, it just fails to make his feeling of self-loathing go away, the feeling is so strong that he finds it hard to look at himself in the weeping mirror without disgust and repulsion. And when he wipes the glassy surface to look directly at his face he snorts with contempt upon seeing his reflection.
He has to stop it. He feels the need to stop bullying the poor boy, who never deserved such a harsh treatment and only because Minho feels uneasy in his presence. Taemin. Minho remembers the moment his eyes landed on the boy. Remembers every step he takes and Minho can’t tear his eyes off the moving mess of light and dark and shade. And Minho only notices the hair and the cheeks and the way those plump lips move producing the voice devoid of expression, he notices thin arms and he sees Taemin as the bundle of bones and skin and maybe a little flesh, too little to actually notice. And he feels that Taemin is out of this world, maybe from another planet, maybe he is just the product of Minho’s imagination, too perfect to be real, too ghostly to be human, too dark to come from the sky. And Minho senses the hot burning in his throat as it is spreading down his body, the desire to possess, to capture this fragile essence, knowing that it is something he can never have. Such beauty never belongs to one person, it’s created to shine for everyone and Minho looks at Taemin, feeling disgust for himself but still wishes to be the one. Simple human nature. If you can’t have - destroy. And Minho follows that dark instinct, he has never known he had. Destroy it, crash it, so that no one can have it, if you can’t.
The funny thing is that in fact Minho is a gentle caring guy, always taking care of those around him and all his friends find it strange that he would pick on Taemin. Minho pretends he doesn’t understand that either. Wrong. Deep down he knows, he’s just too afraid to admit, it’s just way too twisted. Still, no matter what the soccer player says, he finds it impossible to actually hit Taemin, to touch this vulnerable purity and helpless beauty unraveled to his eyes. Still he finds it too hard to let go. His mind is jumbled up, seething with reluctance. But he knows that tomorrow he won’t come to taunt Taemin. Enough is enough.
His decision doesn’t take long and Minho then roughly wipes his body promising himself to leave the boy alone, feeling a sharp twinge of pain at the thought, somewhere inside, where his heart supposed to be. When Minho passing his parents’ room on his way to his own bedroom he catches a snatch of conversation that strikes him hard, gluing him to the spot, as his father, who is usually at work at that time, is talking to his mother in a low almost inaudible whisper that makes Minho strain his ears just to hear what they are talking about
-It seems that the kid is being bullied at school again - his father sighs, probably talking about one of his patients - I don’t understand people. Who would want to harm such a beautiful person and he’s so pure and seemingly fragile, but knowing what he had gone through, Taemin is probably stronger than he seems, but I know he is scared and depressed. I really want to help him so much, but I can’t seem to make him open up to me, he just lost his trust in people and who would blame him? He was abused by his own stepfather, poor boy
-Is he the one who works in the convenience store around the corner? - Minho hears his mother’s soft voice and he almost can picture how she gently covers his father’s hands with her own
-Yes, he is the one
-I saw him and at first I was in awe too, such a person can actually exist, he seemed to be giving off this soft shimmering light and even though his fringe is so long I caught a glimpse of his eyes, so beautiful and radiant. Why would anyone want to hurt him? People are so cruel, especially teenagers…I believe he goes to the same school Minho does, maybe we could ask him to make friends with him? I don’t think he would be against it
-And what are we supposed to say to him? Hey Minho, there’s this boy in your school, who was raped by his stepfather who almost got him killed, and it seems that now he is bullied in his new school and your father, Minho, can’t help this boy because he is a fucking lame psychologist, so maybe you could help him. - Minho hears his father’s voice as it becomes strained and loud and seething with bitterness and feels a wave of nausea rising from the pit of his stomach, he then rashes back to the bathroom where he heaves, marring the sparkling white toilet his mother scrubbed clean just this morning. He feels like shit and just wants to disappear right there, right this moment, wants to be given another chance and knows that he doesn’t have one. And for the rest of the day he never leaves his room, lying in bed staring into the ceiling and answering to the worried questions from his mom that he is tired and wants to sleep. After that he doesn’t sleep a wink at night tossing and turning in his bed.
The next day is Saturday and he is free from school for what he is grateful as he can’t even imagine looking Taemin in the eye, though in fact he never has, the boy is always looking down anyway. But still just the thought of the boy fills him with guilt and remorse and he stays cooped in his room all the morning until he hears the soft knock on his door. Unwillingly he slips off his bed to open it and reveal his father standing in front of him
-Can we talk?
-Sure- answers Minho nonchalantly even though his heart is beating violently against his ribcage. His father steps into the room and sits on Minho’s bed while Minho occupies the chair opposite to him.
-Minho, I need to ask you a favor - his father says feeling a bit uncomfortable, it’s the first time that he brings his work into his personal life, into his family. But that time it’s just so different, just so sad, and he wants to help his patient so much
-Favor? What kind of? - asks the tall boy cautiously his mind preoccupied with thoughts, his feelings a mess.
-It’s about my patient, he is a new boy in your school and I wanted to ask you to befriend him. You will like him, I promise, just try to be compassionate, I can’t tell but he had a rough time, be gentle to him, that’s all I ask. His name is Taemin and I invited him for a dinner tonight so can you please talk to him?
-That’s rare, you never mix your professional and personal life - Minho tries to sound calm but still his voice cracks a little and he coughs uncomfortably to hide it
-I know, but this time is different, he doesn’t need the help of a doctor in the broad sense, more like he needs someone he could open up to. I’m not asking you to make him your best friend, just give him a little of your time, that’s all I ask of you son
-Ok dad, I’ll try - nods Minho - I doubt he would even want to talk to me though - he thinks to himself bitterly after his father leaves. And the thought makes him sad and pathetic