(no subject)
I get so confused about things so easily. My mind likes to play tricks on me and go from one thought or feeling to a completely different one about the same thing in a matter of seconds. I say I don't know what I want, but I do. I know exactly what I want. At least for this moment I know. It just hurts because I don't think it is something that will happen. I am okay with it I guess. You just have to move on and hope for something else. The most difficult thing is that I don't trust myself. I don't trust that what I beleive that I want is really it. There have been times in my life where I was one hundred percent for something and then the next week I came to a realization that that wasn't really what I wanted but just in that moment seemed like it could be a good thing. I know none of this makes sense, I realize I speak in very vague terms. I don't know if I can trust people. It is so hard for me to trust other people when I don't even trust myself. If I think that my feelings can change in a matter of seconds, and that I really have no control over that then what about someone elses? They may think they want something and be all for it and then the next day realize it wasn't what they wanted and you are left hurting. How do you take such a leap of faith? How do you put everything on the line? I don't think I am capable of taking such chances. I guess the best we can do is to be honest in each moment and just hope that it'll all work out in the end.