(no subject)
how do you tell someone that you can't be friends with them? i guess you could just end all contact with them, but really, you need them to know. you need them to understand, even if it won't really affect them. i'm sorry but i cannot be your friend and be okay at the same time. i drove home tonight in a trance, i am not sure how i made it home. i'm not sure how i am here typing this. i feel as if i should be elsewhere. i feel as if i am elsewhere. i feel as if my mind is floating somewhere else, above it all, protected. but i feel it, i feel it deep inside of me. i feel the aching and the emptiness, i feel the loss. i don't know why this is so hard, i don't even know that 'this' is. i just want to be alone, i just want to feel peace. i don't know if i've ever felt more alone as i do in this exact moment. it is a terrifying feeling, i feel as if i'm about to go crazy but i know that i won't. i know i will wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine. i just want to sleep. i just want a moment of peace. i just want it to be okay and i just want to not know you anymore. i don't think any of this makes sense and i don't think that my solution will solve anything. i think i just thought it was going to be okay for a second and then i realized that i was wrong, and its not, and it hurts to come to that realization when you thought finally a light was appearing. i'm exhausted. i should sleep.