Grr
So I'm going to write another rant because I'm still pissed, except now I'm even more pissed since me other rant got erased.
This one is going to be more rational because I'm more awake and not so angry as I was.
So you know why D'Lila hitting the snooze button 5 times in a row really annoys me? Because it shows a complete lack of consideration for anyone else in the room, namely me. And she knows it annoys me when she hits the snooze button over and over again. I have told her this. And it's not just a small lack of consideration either. Markus' room is empty. Jeremy is usually with Brecque anyway, but they've been in Anchorage, so he's really not here. So, conceivably, Markus and D'lila could have been like, well, we're going to be getting up to an alarm in the morning, so why don't we sleep in a room where we won't wake anyone else up but us? But no. D'Lila had to have them sleep in our room. And I'm sorry, but I find it annoying on a good day when Markus spends the night, because I know Markus' room is empty. And I don't like having to change in the bathroom. I don't like not being able to wear what is comfortable for me to bed, becuase I just don't feel comfortable walking around Markus in only a t-shirt and underwear. I don't feel comfortable changing with him in the room either, hence the bathroom, which is something D'Lila doesn't understand and thus has no sympathy for. She's all, he doesn't care, he can turn around. Guess what? I care. I would rather go to bed fully clothed than change with him in the room.
Sigh.
And an hour and a half or so from now I have to pick up Tony from the airport. And then this evening I have to pick up Will and Masha. And I don't want to. I like Masha and Will ok, but there are times I have to force myself to get along with them. Same with Eva and we all know I don't get along with Tony. So it annoys me when I have to do things for them, especially when it's an expected service. And the thing is, if they ask me I can't say no or else I will feel like a selfish bitch, because, really, driving to the airport and back isn't that hard. But I don't like doing things for people, people that half the time I just tolerate, that take up my time and desiel, just to get the obligatory thank you. I'm not a good enough person to do things for people and get nothing back and be fine with it. I don't care how small a thing it is as long as it's genuine. A simple thing like, hey, I owe you a backrub, and I wouldn't feel so annoyed (Unfortunately, the thing is, I don't want anything from them. And, from some of them, that includes backrubs. I'm impossible to please that way). And I find it insulting to be told any form of "I love you", no matter how obviously ingenuous, by people that are strictly friends (who sometimes I wish were only acquantances). We, and especially me, all know you're just using me for my car, so don't give me that shit. And I especially know that I wouldn't be spending this one on one time with you if you weren't using me for my car, becuase we are just not that close. And there are reasons we are not that close, oh so many reasons. So I resent it.
Masha's actually trying, she's offered to feed me dinner and all that, so I'm trying to be less hostile (doesn't help that I'm running on five and half fucking hours of sleep and pissed off already). Errgh. And than I get annoyed at myself for being unreasonable. Which is annoying. So then I get stuck in that enfuriating cycle until I want to kill something.
And now I feel a lot more sad and tired than pissed, which I suppose is better than really pissed.
With more thought, I'm not annoyed with Masha over the airport thing. She's being nice.
...Aleria just called me and I feel cheered up. I can safely end the rant now.
This one is going to be more rational because I'm more awake and not so angry as I was.
So you know why D'Lila hitting the snooze button 5 times in a row really annoys me? Because it shows a complete lack of consideration for anyone else in the room, namely me. And she knows it annoys me when she hits the snooze button over and over again. I have told her this. And it's not just a small lack of consideration either. Markus' room is empty. Jeremy is usually with Brecque anyway, but they've been in Anchorage, so he's really not here. So, conceivably, Markus and D'lila could have been like, well, we're going to be getting up to an alarm in the morning, so why don't we sleep in a room where we won't wake anyone else up but us? But no. D'Lila had to have them sleep in our room. And I'm sorry, but I find it annoying on a good day when Markus spends the night, because I know Markus' room is empty. And I don't like having to change in the bathroom. I don't like not being able to wear what is comfortable for me to bed, becuase I just don't feel comfortable walking around Markus in only a t-shirt and underwear. I don't feel comfortable changing with him in the room either, hence the bathroom, which is something D'Lila doesn't understand and thus has no sympathy for. She's all, he doesn't care, he can turn around. Guess what? I care. I would rather go to bed fully clothed than change with him in the room.
Sigh.
And an hour and a half or so from now I have to pick up Tony from the airport. And then this evening I have to pick up Will and Masha. And I don't want to. I like Masha and Will ok, but there are times I have to force myself to get along with them. Same with Eva and we all know I don't get along with Tony. So it annoys me when I have to do things for them, especially when it's an expected service. And the thing is, if they ask me I can't say no or else I will feel like a selfish bitch, because, really, driving to the airport and back isn't that hard. But I don't like doing things for people, people that half the time I just tolerate, that take up my time and desiel, just to get the obligatory thank you. I'm not a good enough person to do things for people and get nothing back and be fine with it. I don't care how small a thing it is as long as it's genuine. A simple thing like, hey, I owe you a backrub, and I wouldn't feel so annoyed (Unfortunately, the thing is, I don't want anything from them. And, from some of them, that includes backrubs. I'm impossible to please that way). And I find it insulting to be told any form of "I love you", no matter how obviously ingenuous, by people that are strictly friends (who sometimes I wish were only acquantances). We, and especially me, all know you're just using me for my car, so don't give me that shit. And I especially know that I wouldn't be spending this one on one time with you if you weren't using me for my car, becuase we are just not that close. And there are reasons we are not that close, oh so many reasons. So I resent it.
Masha's actually trying, she's offered to feed me dinner and all that, so I'm trying to be less hostile (doesn't help that I'm running on five and half fucking hours of sleep and pissed off already). Errgh. And than I get annoyed at myself for being unreasonable. Which is annoying. So then I get stuck in that enfuriating cycle until I want to kill something.
And now I feel a lot more sad and tired than pissed, which I suppose is better than really pissed.
With more thought, I'm not annoyed with Masha over the airport thing. She's being nice.
...Aleria just called me and I feel cheered up. I can safely end the rant now.