Once more
Title: Once more
Series: Sequel to One drop of tear
Author: HeukYa
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurosaki Ichigo x Hitsugaya Toshiro, Kurosaki Ichigo x Inoue Orihime
Disclaimer: Bleach sovereigns over me, not the other way round.
Distribution: Fanfiction and LJ
Summary: Because only the fact that everything changes does not change. Or so they say.
Spoilers: End of the Soul Society Arc
Warning: Implied character death
Author’s Note:
Unfortunately there will be no update for Orderly Madness this week so instead, I bring you a short one-shot.
To be honest, it’s not really angst but I didn’t know what else to put down. Inspired by a song but I did say I won’t do any song-fics again. I honestly did not plan to write any follow-up of One drop of tear but the plot bunny came along and of course, then everything changes. And I apologise in advance for… things I’ve done in this fiction. *sniffs* It’s like rebound, I write such depressing oneshots then go all sappy, fluffy in multi-chapter stories as if I’m compensating it. I guess it just says that I could easily be writing fluffy oneshots while writing angst multi-chapters…?? *sweat* Latter half is a lot of speaking, all monologue. I’m sorry but I couldn’t help it since I was writing this half-asleep.
Be warned, it’s a complete draft. Betaed only for grammar/spelling mistake.
:::::Once more by HeukYa:::::
A tall and leanly muscled figure, clad in jet-black shihakushou with strikingly contrasting orange hair, slowly walked up the countless stairs winding around the stony cliff. Behind him, the endless sky was blazing in deep crimson as the twilight stretched out from the far horizon but the chocolate eyes remained fixed on the marble stairs of which he remembered almost every single crack each of them had, having treaded them far too many times to be counted.
The oversized zanpaktou was the same as usual, resting comfortably in its usual place on the broad back, clasped in the same old red chain, and the vibrant-coloured hair was just as unkempt as before. The wide sleeves of the black shihakushou gently fluttered in the air as the long arms swung back and front, the large hands still coarsely callused as ever. The footsteps were as always firm and steady, contrast to the almost hesitant-looking pace he walked up the stairs at.
Nothing had changed yet at the same time, everything had changed.
The once young face now had a hint of maturity, the wild brown eyes calmer and more tamed. He had even grown a fair bit, the tip of the lunar zanpaktou now hanging above his knees. But then a decade would have that kind of effect on anyone.
Finally reaching the top of the hill that held so many memories for him, the now-25-year-old substitute shinigami took a moment to take in the change of the scenery. Ten years had passed but the sandy hill still looked blankly odd to him without the imposing Soukyouku. However what stood in the old execution place had bigger impact on him than the fiery bird could ever do every time he came here.
Running a hand through the short spikes that mingled easily with the Sun’s bidding goodbyes, he let out a small sigh and treaded across to the edge of the cliff. The earthy ground still bore the distinctive marks of Soukyouku, yet to fade away even after a long decade, but the hazelnut eyes did not take in any of the details, resolutely fixed on one of the five square, grey stones that stood silently in an arc.
Two end ones were filled with small black writings, every name of those that had fallen in the War permanently carved in slabs that would withstand the never-ending time. The one in the middle bore only one single name; Yamamoto-Genryusai Shigekuni. Two more names filled the one to the right; Komamura Sajin and Zaraki Kenpachi. However the one that the brown orbs were gazing at was the one on the left that also displayed two names; Ukitake Juushiro and Hitsugaya Toshiro.
A hand reached up somewhat hesitantly for the memorial stone before carefully running along the smooth surface then a tentative finger trailed the curved carvings of the name on the right, not a single sound breaking the silence until every single of the six letters were followed through. Upon reaching the last stroke, he swallowed thickly and tried to arrange his face in a smile although he knew it would soon vanish.
“Hey, Toshiro. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Things have been… Well, I guess you could say hectic. I never realised how much preparation was needed for a single wedding.”
The feeble attempt at a display of happiness failed miserably but unsurprisingly and he squatted down in front of the cold slab, glancing over behind it at the burning sky that the white-haired boy used to be so fond of.
“…You know, Toshiro… I still don’t know what to say about what you did. I really don’t. I thought I knew the extent of self-sacrifice you would go for other’s sake but obviously I didn’t.”
“Rangiku-san didn’t tell me why you broke off our relationship until last year. Apparently she waited until I seemed to be in a good, stable relationship again so that I wouldn’t be too shaken about it. Like hell I wouldn’t be.”
“But… I guess you achieved your aim, Toshiro. Hichigo complained about a downpour in my inner world for months but then it could have become years if you hadn’t pushed me away back then. But you can’t blame me if I still feel a bit betrayed by you. Why couldn’t you have told me the truth? I could have gone with you, Toshiro. The mission killed even Kenpachi, Byakuya was barely alive when they got him back. How could you let me send you to a suicide all by yourself?”
Realising that he was now only repeating what he had said over and over again in the past, he took a deep breath to calm down and continued in a softer tone.
“In the end… it seems everything withers away, Toshiro. And you must have known it would.”
“All the days we spent… all the laughs we had… all the butterflies I had around you and the heart beating so fast to explode… It all feels like something so old, so ancient now. Was I just naive believing that love was not just some whimsical trick our minds played on us?”
“Inoue… she’s been great. It surprised you as well, didn’t it, or did you foresee that as well? Sometimes I can’t believe how… understanding she can be. Remember, she had even known about us, but after… after you cut me out of your life… she stood by me and helped me to pull through. She really deserves someone better than me but she insists that… she’s happy with me.”
“Back then… you were my life, Toshiro. You were the only one there was, nothing else had mattered. But even that… now it seems like a passing breeze. It’s almost disgusting, you know? Inoue keeps saying that the only thing doesn’t change is the fact that everything changes but…”
Another deep intake of air, this time heavily strained, interrupted the monologue before it continued again, the voice subtly shaking.
“As much as I love that girl… I… I didn’t want it to change, Toshiro… Even when I had thought that you didn’t want me any more… Then months later, I found out that you were actually… gone… and… I kinda grew to accept that you weren’t here anymore…”
“…I’m not sure when I’ll be back here again. I don’t really have any more business in Soul Society and… I’ll now have a family of my own to take care of. I wonder what Inoue will say if we end up having a child with white hair and green eyes.”
There was a quiet laughter echoing vacantly in the dusk but the sadness embedded in the words cut through the air sharply.
“Maybe Inoue wasn’t wrong in that nothing stays the same over time except the statement itself… And… maybe… hopefully… you aren’t angry that… I’m getting married…”
“…But… Toshiro… I realised something today when I saw Inoue going through wedding dresses…”
The large hand resting on the memorial stone curled into a fist in an effort to stop the trembling spreading throughout his body but it could not be completely erased out of his voice.
“…You are the only one I’d return to, Toshiro… I love Inoue and I will love the family that I’ll have but… you are the only one I’d return to… ever…”
“So… I came to ask you something…”
In the end, the crystal clear moist in his eyes became too heavy for his blinking to keep it within his eyelids and a single drop of tear rolled down his cheek as he desperately looked at the gray stone as if the carved writings would give him some sort of an answer.
“I know it’s beyond selfishness, I know I probably don’t have right to ask this… But… will you wait for me, Toshiro…? Will you wait for me until we meet once more… and when we do… will you stay with me until the end this time?”
The summer night’s silence stretched out, guarding his quiet, barely audible sobs from any prying ears with its gentle music of cicadas. The deep red Sun had already hidden behind the horizon, the silvery moon hanging high in its place with its fickle companions.
Then the orange-topped head abruptly snapped up, the wet brown eyes wide in shock as they confirmed what his hand had felt.
Pure white, cotton-like softness were fluttering down from the sky, completely ignorant of the humid heat, its coldness surreal and lingering as it melted only against his skin.
His eyes widened to the size of a full moon, he stared at the pitch-black sky that were dotted with white swaying this way and that way with the breeze then slowly, oh so slowly broke out into a weak, sad but blissful smile because he swore he had just heard the teal-eyed boy’s low voice echoing softly in his soul.
‘You will find me at the end of the road, no matter how long you take to get here, Ichigo. I’m sorry for what I did but know that I love you. Never stopped and never will.’
“…I love you too, my only yuki hime.”