In which I continue to have fun, get things, and deal with a downturn of mood.
And then...
Well, we got up the other day, after our car door adventure and spent a lot of our memorial day sunday playing We Love Katamari, after I stayed up til 4 or 5 in the morning playing with it. I beat my largest size by 500 and had a great 1700M run at the last level. Then we took the bus out to The Asylum as planned. We met up with
asimaiyatand her husband there and were dismayed to find out there was a cover of $10.00 that we had not counted upon. Her husband graciously covered us and got us in. For which I am still grateful.
c4bl3fl4m3 bought me a drink, which I drank cos she knows one of the few alcoholic drinks I can deal with. A buttery nipple in this case (Buttershots and Irish Cream). We settled in, and I ogled all the very lovely gothed up women in the place, who didn't seem at all to have the oh-so-tragic too-cool-for-you goth-awful attitude I find so disagreeable in so many goth chicks. In other words, they were not so goth that they shit bats.
I made this just for all of you. Don't you feel special?
The dance recital we were there to see started soon enough, and it was a magical thing to behold. The music they were playing was a kind of heavy industrial electronic tribal music. The CD is in the other room, otherwise I'd tell you the band's name. Oh wait. CableFlame needs to use the PC for a moment. I'll go get it.
**24 Hours Later**
Well, That's been happening to me a lot recently. I get away from the keys for a moment, and then it's a day later. I figure you know how it can be. With cableFlame, things often turn out other than planned.
http://www.octofoil-records.com/news.htm
The name of the person doing this music is Maduro, and his CD is called Siege. And it is full of awesome and badass.
We had Falafels at our favorite falafel place, Amsterdam Falafelshop, in DC afterward, and got into a pretty depressing talk about how our ambitions differ. To the degree that I was pretty shaken and rattled by the time we left around 10:30 to catch a bus back to her place. Rattled in that 'Oh fuck, I can't do anything to help her, I can't live like this, what are we going to do, are we going to part ways??' sense of general panic. I'm traipsing around specifics here because I don't want to tell tales out of school or break a confidence. But she has things that I cannot help her with, things I cannot support, and things I can do absolutely nothing about, and it's breaking my heart.
So naturally, as we were waiting on the bus home, it was the perfect time for the world to roll its random encounder die and come up with *rollrollroll-TOSS!* *DUMDUMDUMMMM!* Drunk Off His Ass Latino Guy! Yes friends, we're waiting on the Silver Spring bus and we get him ambling in and propositioning her for sex. Yelling ensued, but CableFlame and I had one another's back. I was pretty much having the standard guy reaction, which is unusual for me in any case. But I was ready to pretty much put this guy in the hospital. She was ready to call the cops.
EDIT: Because apparently it's okay to show a man's ass on television since the early 1980's, but we cannot show them using photobucket, I have replaced the former image with one meant for 8 year olds, which has to be the operative level at which someone felt the need to complain. The bus was late too.
Alas, I got no experience points for taking this guy out. Maybe I got some for roleplaying someone that was ready to break his hands and feet into pulp. It was definitely an experience, I'll give you that. At least I had fun and good falafels before the night, as they say, 'took a turn'.
I have, since then, been pretty broken and bruised emotionally. I've been a pretty stereotypical shrunken violet. Not wanting to be touched. Not really communicative. Not very affectionate. Worried about my car. Feeling pretty depressed actually. CableFlame's been apologizing to me for it. Thinking she's pretty much torn down my mood. I'm not going to debate or pursue that because I don't want to make her feel worse or more guilty if it turnes out she's right about that.
I don't know where we're going. Only that it feels we have something of an expiration date on our romance. Which saddens me. I've been introduced to all these wonderful people that I've been making friends with over the last month. I don't want to be a heel in their eyes if me and CableFlame break up. This includes the fella whose house I'm staying in, the wonderful person and her husband who had us out on Sunday to see bellydancing, that wonderful mad scientist and his very patient wife, all those nice people at The Crucible I got introduced to.
I so often define myself as someone that doesn't really want to care what other people think. The caveat to that, of course is that if I care about the person who's doing the thinking, I care quite a LOT what they think. And I care what quite a lot of people think in this case. And I'm nearly paralyzed with worry.
Don't get me wrong. We do still care for one another very much. We use the 'Love' word often and liberally with one another. We're still affectionate. Still getting partnered in Second Life. And when the romance fades off, we want to still be friends. I'm learning all manner of surprising things about myself.
Watch along with Charles Dumar, from 'Better Off Dead', played by Curtis Armstrong, whom my lover and several others tell me I resemble, even before i got a hat exactly like that one, as we learn what the surprises are.
IE: I don't want sex as much as I may have thought. I don't want to indulge as much in ACTUAL hypnotic play as I may have fantasized when it wasn't on the table. I'm polyamourous, and just fine with that. My new word for this year is 'Sapiosexual'. Someone attracted to intelligence and geekiness! And... Well, I suspect I may be entering some kind of libidinous slowdown. Maybe even Irritable Male Syndrome. Commonly referred to as the Male Menopause. Or Andropause. And that there is some debate at present whether that's actually even a real condition or not.
Well... not THIS irritable.
Oh well. I've already gotten a mail from someone dear to me about that last post, letting me know that if I need someone to talk to, or get a little emotional support from, that I should not hesitate to get in touch with her. I should really focus on some positives here. I'm out of North Carolina. If I was hit by a bus tomorrow, I could still be secure in the knowledge as I hurtled into my next incarnation that I was able to be brave one more time and leave North Carolina.
In other news, I tracked down a window motor for my passenger window that was half the cost of what they normally are from a parts wholesaler. I also have a maintenance guide for my car now. Two great things that go great together. I'm of half a mind to try and replace the motor myself. But I have no idea how to do that, and the guide doesn't tell ya how. There may be metallurgy involved. And that makes me worry about how much it may cost. To cover the costs of this, I've liquidated about 100,000 lindens in my Second life account. I'm still wheezing from it. GAH!
145.00 instead of 300.00, Bitches!!
I've ordered a few things for myself. These orders happened before the car decided 'Screw yer old hoopty window motor! Screw it right in the ear!" I got a nice keyboard to replace the one I have. Right now I'm typing on a really older ergonomic that CableFlame had. The shift key and space bar is spotty with performance. So I sniped a good E-Bay of a black deluxe one.
This keyboard, after I replaced all the keys with different alien fonts from different movies & TV shows appears on my custom TARDIS console in Second life. But this is the model keyboard I got.
I also got hold of a windup key for myself. A REAL antique windup key instead of an unassuming tin one from a windup toy. This one may be for a grandfather clock. I hope it's small enough to still wear on a necklace.
OH I can't wait til it arrives!
If not, I'll come up with some way to wear it. I really want to have a darn good symbol of my ASFR/Technosexuality that doesn't elude notice. My last key (Lost somewhere in the house in NC) was so SMALL!
OH was that a fun time in California. (Copyright 2008, World of Wonder Productions)
In any case. While I am down, good things are happening too. I just need to remember 'eyes on the prize' and all that. And that's the news, constant reader. As always, Shoot straight, walk easy, and luck in your steps.
Well, we got up the other day, after our car door adventure and spent a lot of our memorial day sunday playing We Love Katamari, after I stayed up til 4 or 5 in the morning playing with it. I beat my largest size by 500 and had a great 1700M run at the last level. Then we took the bus out to The Asylum as planned. We met up with
asimaiyatand her husband there and were dismayed to find out there was a cover of $10.00 that we had not counted upon. Her husband graciously covered us and got us in. For which I am still grateful.
c4bl3fl4m3 bought me a drink, which I drank cos she knows one of the few alcoholic drinks I can deal with. A buttery nipple in this case (Buttershots and Irish Cream). We settled in, and I ogled all the very lovely gothed up women in the place, who didn't seem at all to have the oh-so-tragic too-cool-for-you goth-awful attitude I find so disagreeable in so many goth chicks. In other words, they were not so goth that they shit bats.
I made this just for all of you. Don't you feel special?
The dance recital we were there to see started soon enough, and it was a magical thing to behold. The music they were playing was a kind of heavy industrial electronic tribal music. The CD is in the other room, otherwise I'd tell you the band's name. Oh wait. CableFlame needs to use the PC for a moment. I'll go get it.
**24 Hours Later**
Well, That's been happening to me a lot recently. I get away from the keys for a moment, and then it's a day later. I figure you know how it can be. With cableFlame, things often turn out other than planned.
http://www.octofoil-records.com/news.htm
The name of the person doing this music is Maduro, and his CD is called Siege. And it is full of awesome and badass.
We had Falafels at our favorite falafel place, Amsterdam Falafelshop, in DC afterward, and got into a pretty depressing talk about how our ambitions differ. To the degree that I was pretty shaken and rattled by the time we left around 10:30 to catch a bus back to her place. Rattled in that 'Oh fuck, I can't do anything to help her, I can't live like this, what are we going to do, are we going to part ways??' sense of general panic. I'm traipsing around specifics here because I don't want to tell tales out of school or break a confidence. But she has things that I cannot help her with, things I cannot support, and things I can do absolutely nothing about, and it's breaking my heart.
So naturally, as we were waiting on the bus home, it was the perfect time for the world to roll its random encounder die and come up with *rollrollroll-TOSS!* *DUMDUMDUMMMM!* Drunk Off His Ass Latino Guy! Yes friends, we're waiting on the Silver Spring bus and we get him ambling in and propositioning her for sex. Yelling ensued, but CableFlame and I had one another's back. I was pretty much having the standard guy reaction, which is unusual for me in any case. But I was ready to pretty much put this guy in the hospital. She was ready to call the cops.
EDIT: Because apparently it's okay to show a man's ass on television since the early 1980's, but we cannot show them using photobucket, I have replaced the former image with one meant for 8 year olds, which has to be the operative level at which someone felt the need to complain. The bus was late too.
Alas, I got no experience points for taking this guy out. Maybe I got some for roleplaying someone that was ready to break his hands and feet into pulp. It was definitely an experience, I'll give you that. At least I had fun and good falafels before the night, as they say, 'took a turn'.
I have, since then, been pretty broken and bruised emotionally. I've been a pretty stereotypical shrunken violet. Not wanting to be touched. Not really communicative. Not very affectionate. Worried about my car. Feeling pretty depressed actually. CableFlame's been apologizing to me for it. Thinking she's pretty much torn down my mood. I'm not going to debate or pursue that because I don't want to make her feel worse or more guilty if it turnes out she's right about that.
I don't know where we're going. Only that it feels we have something of an expiration date on our romance. Which saddens me. I've been introduced to all these wonderful people that I've been making friends with over the last month. I don't want to be a heel in their eyes if me and CableFlame break up. This includes the fella whose house I'm staying in, the wonderful person and her husband who had us out on Sunday to see bellydancing, that wonderful mad scientist and his very patient wife, all those nice people at The Crucible I got introduced to.
I so often define myself as someone that doesn't really want to care what other people think. The caveat to that, of course is that if I care about the person who's doing the thinking, I care quite a LOT what they think. And I care what quite a lot of people think in this case. And I'm nearly paralyzed with worry.
Don't get me wrong. We do still care for one another very much. We use the 'Love' word often and liberally with one another. We're still affectionate. Still getting partnered in Second Life. And when the romance fades off, we want to still be friends. I'm learning all manner of surprising things about myself.
Watch along with Charles Dumar, from 'Better Off Dead', played by Curtis Armstrong, whom my lover and several others tell me I resemble, even before i got a hat exactly like that one, as we learn what the surprises are.
IE: I don't want sex as much as I may have thought. I don't want to indulge as much in ACTUAL hypnotic play as I may have fantasized when it wasn't on the table. I'm polyamourous, and just fine with that. My new word for this year is 'Sapiosexual'. Someone attracted to intelligence and geekiness! And... Well, I suspect I may be entering some kind of libidinous slowdown. Maybe even Irritable Male Syndrome. Commonly referred to as the Male Menopause. Or Andropause. And that there is some debate at present whether that's actually even a real condition or not.
Well... not THIS irritable.
Oh well. I've already gotten a mail from someone dear to me about that last post, letting me know that if I need someone to talk to, or get a little emotional support from, that I should not hesitate to get in touch with her. I should really focus on some positives here. I'm out of North Carolina. If I was hit by a bus tomorrow, I could still be secure in the knowledge as I hurtled into my next incarnation that I was able to be brave one more time and leave North Carolina.
In other news, I tracked down a window motor for my passenger window that was half the cost of what they normally are from a parts wholesaler. I also have a maintenance guide for my car now. Two great things that go great together. I'm of half a mind to try and replace the motor myself. But I have no idea how to do that, and the guide doesn't tell ya how. There may be metallurgy involved. And that makes me worry about how much it may cost. To cover the costs of this, I've liquidated about 100,000 lindens in my Second life account. I'm still wheezing from it. GAH!
145.00 instead of 300.00, Bitches!!
I've ordered a few things for myself. These orders happened before the car decided 'Screw yer old hoopty window motor! Screw it right in the ear!" I got a nice keyboard to replace the one I have. Right now I'm typing on a really older ergonomic that CableFlame had. The shift key and space bar is spotty with performance. So I sniped a good E-Bay of a black deluxe one.
This keyboard, after I replaced all the keys with different alien fonts from different movies & TV shows appears on my custom TARDIS console in Second life. But this is the model keyboard I got.
I also got hold of a windup key for myself. A REAL antique windup key instead of an unassuming tin one from a windup toy. This one may be for a grandfather clock. I hope it's small enough to still wear on a necklace.
OH I can't wait til it arrives!
If not, I'll come up with some way to wear it. I really want to have a darn good symbol of my ASFR/Technosexuality that doesn't elude notice. My last key (Lost somewhere in the house in NC) was so SMALL!
OH was that a fun time in California. (Copyright 2008, World of Wonder Productions)
In any case. While I am down, good things are happening too. I just need to remember 'eyes on the prize' and all that. And that's the news, constant reader. As always, Shoot straight, walk easy, and luck in your steps.