Secret wish.
Been thinking about the future, things that I want for it. Career wise...There's psychology, which gets me excited, I suppose, for a career. I don't know that I'm very career orientated, though...I'm not sure. I suppose I'd be just as happy being a homemaker, or pursuing various interests. Careers...They're just a means to an end. I want to help people, but sometimes I'm not sure...Sure that I'd be good at it, or that I really Would help, unsure if whether or not I might become jaded. So it's not my dream, Psychology...It was just the final choice, in a slew of choices...Teaching, criminology, think I even vaguely considered nursing. There is one thing I want, however...
I never mention it much, don't make a habit of talking about my ambitions, this especially so, because it was always my Mother's dream...So therefore, couldn't be mine. Forever, since she had to leave it, she wanted a place out in the country, a place to have horses...She was a horse trainer, taught classes, for children and adults and special needs people... With every move we made she hoped that this would be the one where we'd get back into the country. My dad made promises, but, well...I don't blame him, circumstances I'm sure dictated these things, but they never panned out. I was more guarded...When we looked at houses that had a tiny bit of land, I might get my hopes up, a little...I'd allow myself to dream a bit that this would be the time we'd move where we had some space, but I didn't think it would actually happen, and more or less put it out of my head. Besides, it was her dream, that would come with all of her baggage, and my pre-teen/teenage mind thought, her extra chores.
Now that I'm forming my own ideas for what I want in the future, that is one thing...I don't know that it would include horses, likely as not. I enjoy them, but the upkeep and all that...When I'm home, I don't want extra chores. I want to relax. The thing I want is total blackout. I've seen the stars in areas where basically no light touches, and it's something your mind doesn't forget. I want room to stretch out, to walk that's mine, to have dogs running about and cats, little animals...I'm a bit partial to goats, as well, but that would take some more consideration. Silence. And a nice telescope, like I've always wanted...
After coming in from squinting up at the stars and trying to compare what I saw on a chart to what was in the sky, uselessly, I sat down and did a one card tarot spread, to keep up the practice, because it was on my mind. I don't often use it for the future, it's more to meditate on current problems, your subconscious is what shapes the interpretations of the cards, you generally know the answers yourself. But, what the hell. It was a simple question, after all, if I'd get that house I dreamt of before I was too old to enjoy it. The card I pulled was The Star. It made me happy.
I never mention it much, don't make a habit of talking about my ambitions, this especially so, because it was always my Mother's dream...So therefore, couldn't be mine. Forever, since she had to leave it, she wanted a place out in the country, a place to have horses...She was a horse trainer, taught classes, for children and adults and special needs people... With every move we made she hoped that this would be the one where we'd get back into the country. My dad made promises, but, well...I don't blame him, circumstances I'm sure dictated these things, but they never panned out. I was more guarded...When we looked at houses that had a tiny bit of land, I might get my hopes up, a little...I'd allow myself to dream a bit that this would be the time we'd move where we had some space, but I didn't think it would actually happen, and more or less put it out of my head. Besides, it was her dream, that would come with all of her baggage, and my pre-teen/teenage mind thought, her extra chores.
Now that I'm forming my own ideas for what I want in the future, that is one thing...I don't know that it would include horses, likely as not. I enjoy them, but the upkeep and all that...When I'm home, I don't want extra chores. I want to relax. The thing I want is total blackout. I've seen the stars in areas where basically no light touches, and it's something your mind doesn't forget. I want room to stretch out, to walk that's mine, to have dogs running about and cats, little animals...I'm a bit partial to goats, as well, but that would take some more consideration. Silence. And a nice telescope, like I've always wanted...
After coming in from squinting up at the stars and trying to compare what I saw on a chart to what was in the sky, uselessly, I sat down and did a one card tarot spread, to keep up the practice, because it was on my mind. I don't often use it for the future, it's more to meditate on current problems, your subconscious is what shapes the interpretations of the cards, you generally know the answers yourself. But, what the hell. It was a simple question, after all, if I'd get that house I dreamt of before I was too old to enjoy it. The card I pulled was The Star. It made me happy.