Trying something new
It was a rough first semester, but ultimately a rewarding one. Now that I'm beginning to feel settled in professionally here in Champaign-Urbana, it's about time I worked on expanding my social circle. I've met a fair number of people so far in our department, but I don't think I've really clicked with anyone as friends. Part of that, I think, is because I'm normally wearing blinders when I'm on campus. My study/teaching load has increased here, and the only thing on my mind most days is getting my work done so I can relax. This past semester, I either met with students or was in a graduate seminar 90% of the time I was on campus and tried to study or prep my lessons the other 10% of the time. Most of the time, I brownbagged and worked through the time I'd set aside from lunch. So in any event, I think it's high time I tried to make friends off campus. I can tell myself that I'll handle myself differently this semester. And maybe I will since I'm no longer tutoring my own students. But most likely my defense mechanism will eventually kick in and I'll collapse inward again once things pick up after the first month or so.
This past summer, after I'd officially signed on with the UofI, I spent time looking up social clubs at the university. I remember making out a list of ones to investigate. I had like 20. In the back of mind, I guess I knew it would be a daunting--as well as exhausting since I probably have some sort of social anxiety as large scale social situations seem to suck the life out of me--and I never pursued any of them. Part of it, too, may have been that I was busy trying to fit in and survive my classes and my teaching load, and a quiet evening of video games and playing with my cat seemed like the best way to spend my evenings. Maybe I secretly resented the idea of going back to campus, the source of stress. I wanted to leave as soon as the day was over. I was averaging 9-10 hours there a day. There are other excuses I could make too. In any event, I didn't join a single one.
This town (these towns?) are so small compared to Louisville. Everything seems to revolve around the university. Lately I've somewhat jokingly said to myself that it's quite unfortunate that I don't go to church. It seems like in the midwestern parts United States churches are one of the primary sites of socialization. Those who know me well would probably laugh at the idea of me even considering joining a church. I did, after all, go through a rather militant athiest phase spurred on by a mixture hormones, teenage rebellion, a political (re)awakening, and some bad experiences with the fundamentalist leanings in my father's church. Delving into it all right now would shift the focus of this entry too far from the point I'm about to reach, but let me say that I couldn't just casually be an atheist to survive a very difficult period of my life. In order to become who I am today, I had to firmly and permanently end my relationship with my father's religion. So then, why all this talk of church now?
Well, I'm not pulling a 180. I will never, ever take up my father's religion. To do so, I would have to destory a part of myself that I deeply value. What I am considering, however, is joining a Unitarian Univeralist church. My reasoning is as follows: 1) the UUC views religion/spirituality similarly as I do currently, as a deeply personal and ongoing exploration that doesn't fit neatly into an uncompromisng dogma (as a side note, one of the things that infuriates me about my father's religion is the inability of it's followers to think outside of a black and white ethical framework), 2) the UUC seeks to promote many of the same social issues I do, 3) the UUC seems to be more concerned with looking after its members than maintaining its dogma. If nothing else, it could potentially become an interesting social experiment. Too, it may ease some of the tension that's present when I'm around my father and his side of the family. At least, they may think, he's going to a church.
I guess the worst that could happen is that I pass on sleeping in for a few Sundays and get stuck on some bullshit mailing list. More than likely I'll record my observations on the experience here. Everytime I try to make a journal on my own computer, I end up forgetting about the file or losing it altogether.
This past summer, after I'd officially signed on with the UofI, I spent time looking up social clubs at the university. I remember making out a list of ones to investigate. I had like 20. In the back of mind, I guess I knew it would be a daunting--as well as exhausting since I probably have some sort of social anxiety as large scale social situations seem to suck the life out of me--and I never pursued any of them. Part of it, too, may have been that I was busy trying to fit in and survive my classes and my teaching load, and a quiet evening of video games and playing with my cat seemed like the best way to spend my evenings. Maybe I secretly resented the idea of going back to campus, the source of stress. I wanted to leave as soon as the day was over. I was averaging 9-10 hours there a day. There are other excuses I could make too. In any event, I didn't join a single one.
This town (these towns?) are so small compared to Louisville. Everything seems to revolve around the university. Lately I've somewhat jokingly said to myself that it's quite unfortunate that I don't go to church. It seems like in the midwestern parts United States churches are one of the primary sites of socialization. Those who know me well would probably laugh at the idea of me even considering joining a church. I did, after all, go through a rather militant athiest phase spurred on by a mixture hormones, teenage rebellion, a political (re)awakening, and some bad experiences with the fundamentalist leanings in my father's church. Delving into it all right now would shift the focus of this entry too far from the point I'm about to reach, but let me say that I couldn't just casually be an atheist to survive a very difficult period of my life. In order to become who I am today, I had to firmly and permanently end my relationship with my father's religion. So then, why all this talk of church now?
Well, I'm not pulling a 180. I will never, ever take up my father's religion. To do so, I would have to destory a part of myself that I deeply value. What I am considering, however, is joining a Unitarian Univeralist church. My reasoning is as follows: 1) the UUC views religion/spirituality similarly as I do currently, as a deeply personal and ongoing exploration that doesn't fit neatly into an uncompromisng dogma (as a side note, one of the things that infuriates me about my father's religion is the inability of it's followers to think outside of a black and white ethical framework), 2) the UUC seeks to promote many of the same social issues I do, 3) the UUC seems to be more concerned with looking after its members than maintaining its dogma. If nothing else, it could potentially become an interesting social experiment. Too, it may ease some of the tension that's present when I'm around my father and his side of the family. At least, they may think, he's going to a church.
I guess the worst that could happen is that I pass on sleeping in for a few Sundays and get stuck on some bullshit mailing list. More than likely I'll record my observations on the experience here. Everytime I try to make a journal on my own computer, I end up forgetting about the file or losing it altogether.