It's been a long week
They say that you shouldn't attempt to change that which cannot be changed. Makes enough sense, right? Unfortunately, I've found in my two years as a teacher that you're often asked to change that which cannot be, or is unwilling to be, changed.
Certain students just wear you down. Maybe it's just the idealist in me talking now--the part of me that still believes in the highly regarded facade of education despite some of the things I've seen from other side of the classroom and behind closed doors in meetings--but I don't think most teachers want to admit that they dislike a particular student. In theory at least, we teachers want all of our students to get A's, to pass with flying colors, to really get the most of their time in the classroom. But what are you supposed to do when faced with students who don't want to learn?
It's just baffling, really.
This semester has seen the worst discipline problems of my career. I don't expect students in the course I teach to be genuinely interested in the subject matter. It's just a hoop for the already talented ones to jump through, a place to prepare those who aren't used to level of work required in college, or the first in a series of sieves which works in part as a manifestation of Social Darwinism but mostly to fund the university.
(Interesting aside: the students that generally fail out of college don't get scholarships. They either a) get family to foot the bill or b) take out loans. The size of the freshman class is always, always much larger by far than the higher levels. At least 33-50% of an incoming class will not make it to graduation. If we assume that roughly 80-90% of that 33-50% does not receive aid from the university, then approximately 30-40% of the incoming class pays into the school without receiving any benefit. In effect, they fund the students who are on scholarship. The economics of graduate programs are similar, but not exactly the same. MA's don't usually get supported, and their tuition pays for PhD-level assistantships. Anyway, whenever you hear that enrollment is up, it also means that the budget is up because standards were lowered to admit more kids to bring in more money...)
I do, however, expect my students to actually try to pass the class, or at least to sit quietly if they want to waste their time by showing up without doing any work. I realized yesterday just how far gone my students are while watching a guest instructor lecture them. This person had continually to hound them, to "breathe down their necks" to use this person's own words. I sat off to the side, but among the students for the duration of the class period. Several turned to me at various points and asked things like "What's going on? Why are you letting this person treat us like this?" I just shrugged. In my head, however, I thought: "Because this person cares about you, knows that you're going to fail if your sense of entitlement isn't broken."
Another, one of the more dedicated students, turned to me and commented that it must be pretty amusing to watch. I responded that it was utterly pathetic and then said a few things I probably shouldn't have based upon the frightened look that appeared on the student's face.
But they were true comments. My biggest fear with this particular class is that the ones who bring out behavior like the kind I witnessed yesterday in teachers (and which probably comes out of me most days) screw over the two other types of students in the course. The ones who are already skilled need a bit of polish, and the ones who need some good preparation need a good bit of patience and intellectual energy to help them along. But when a teacher has to spend most of their time playing warden, or drill sergeant, it's hard to actually be a teacher too. We have to change them, we want to change them, but we can't do a goddamned thing if they won't listen. And we can't do anything for the students with potential if the behavior of most of the students needs to be continually checked.
For anyone curious about educational systems: this is something you don't think about when you're reading wonderfully idealistic tracts on pedagogy.
Certain students just wear you down. Maybe it's just the idealist in me talking now--the part of me that still believes in the highly regarded facade of education despite some of the things I've seen from other side of the classroom and behind closed doors in meetings--but I don't think most teachers want to admit that they dislike a particular student. In theory at least, we teachers want all of our students to get A's, to pass with flying colors, to really get the most of their time in the classroom. But what are you supposed to do when faced with students who don't want to learn?
It's just baffling, really.
This semester has seen the worst discipline problems of my career. I don't expect students in the course I teach to be genuinely interested in the subject matter. It's just a hoop for the already talented ones to jump through, a place to prepare those who aren't used to level of work required in college, or the first in a series of sieves which works in part as a manifestation of Social Darwinism but mostly to fund the university.
(Interesting aside: the students that generally fail out of college don't get scholarships. They either a) get family to foot the bill or b) take out loans. The size of the freshman class is always, always much larger by far than the higher levels. At least 33-50% of an incoming class will not make it to graduation. If we assume that roughly 80-90% of that 33-50% does not receive aid from the university, then approximately 30-40% of the incoming class pays into the school without receiving any benefit. In effect, they fund the students who are on scholarship. The economics of graduate programs are similar, but not exactly the same. MA's don't usually get supported, and their tuition pays for PhD-level assistantships. Anyway, whenever you hear that enrollment is up, it also means that the budget is up because standards were lowered to admit more kids to bring in more money...)
I do, however, expect my students to actually try to pass the class, or at least to sit quietly if they want to waste their time by showing up without doing any work. I realized yesterday just how far gone my students are while watching a guest instructor lecture them. This person had continually to hound them, to "breathe down their necks" to use this person's own words. I sat off to the side, but among the students for the duration of the class period. Several turned to me at various points and asked things like "What's going on? Why are you letting this person treat us like this?" I just shrugged. In my head, however, I thought: "Because this person cares about you, knows that you're going to fail if your sense of entitlement isn't broken."
Another, one of the more dedicated students, turned to me and commented that it must be pretty amusing to watch. I responded that it was utterly pathetic and then said a few things I probably shouldn't have based upon the frightened look that appeared on the student's face.
But they were true comments. My biggest fear with this particular class is that the ones who bring out behavior like the kind I witnessed yesterday in teachers (and which probably comes out of me most days) screw over the two other types of students in the course. The ones who are already skilled need a bit of polish, and the ones who need some good preparation need a good bit of patience and intellectual energy to help them along. But when a teacher has to spend most of their time playing warden, or drill sergeant, it's hard to actually be a teacher too. We have to change them, we want to change them, but we can't do a goddamned thing if they won't listen. And we can't do anything for the students with potential if the behavior of most of the students needs to be continually checked.
For anyone curious about educational systems: this is something you don't think about when you're reading wonderfully idealistic tracts on pedagogy.