In the thick of it
Graduate school is very much different than any other sort of school I've ever been a part of. The most noticable differences, I'd say, are that the classes are extremely small and that your instructors tend to lecture less and teach in a more socratic fashion. By this I mean that they no longer tell you things, they ask and ask and ask and ask until they lead you into the answer that they're looking for. Their questions aren't very leading, however, and at times its very difficult to see where you're being led.
Yesterday I realized that I was absolutely terrified of one of my professors. I can't really explain why, as he's incredibly nice. Perhaps I'm not terrified of him so much as I'm terrified of looking like an idiot in front of him. To my credit, however, I have yet to go through one of his classes silently. Unfortunately, I have a tendancy to say something incoherent in front of him, get discouraged, and then remain quiet for most of the period.
Yet by contrast, in a class that I had this morning, I was quite talkative and unafraid to make an idiot out of myself in front of a much less approachable professor. But I choked here too. I knew exactly what the professor wanted to hear and yet I waited, and waited. I'd already spoken several times over the three hour period, and I should have just spoken up right then and there and made the connection in Plato between the "user" and the "ideal" form. After he said it, I realized I was right because it a very simple connection, and I was surprised that no one else had said it. Lesson learned, however, and I'll speak whenever I get the chance because the professor seems to like me despite the fact that I'm bumbling in front of him.
But I suppose the only way to become better at articulating one's thoughts is to keep trying. With that knowledge in hand, I doubt I'll be as intimidated by the first professor. It's always better to show development than to show nothing in an effort to avoid failure. If for no other reason, I need to stop being intimidated because otherwise I'm only going to face my worst fear of the moment: spend too much time worrying about failing and I will fail.
Friday is D-Day. I get to see the first real samples of my students' writing abilities; their first formal assignment is due. So far I've only got a handful of frantic, last minute "help me" e-mails. It's only their first drafts for peer review that are due tomorrow, so if I'm going to get more of those sort of e-mails, I suspect it will probably be during the next 48 hours or so.
Got my first writing assignment back from a professor today. I got full credit, which is more than the two guys next to me got. Gave the ol' ego a bit of a boost. Unfortunately, it wasn't a full paper, but knowing that the professor thought I understood the issues in the article as best as was possible made me feel great.
Yesterday I realized that I was absolutely terrified of one of my professors. I can't really explain why, as he's incredibly nice. Perhaps I'm not terrified of him so much as I'm terrified of looking like an idiot in front of him. To my credit, however, I have yet to go through one of his classes silently. Unfortunately, I have a tendancy to say something incoherent in front of him, get discouraged, and then remain quiet for most of the period.
Yet by contrast, in a class that I had this morning, I was quite talkative and unafraid to make an idiot out of myself in front of a much less approachable professor. But I choked here too. I knew exactly what the professor wanted to hear and yet I waited, and waited. I'd already spoken several times over the three hour period, and I should have just spoken up right then and there and made the connection in Plato between the "user" and the "ideal" form. After he said it, I realized I was right because it a very simple connection, and I was surprised that no one else had said it. Lesson learned, however, and I'll speak whenever I get the chance because the professor seems to like me despite the fact that I'm bumbling in front of him.
But I suppose the only way to become better at articulating one's thoughts is to keep trying. With that knowledge in hand, I doubt I'll be as intimidated by the first professor. It's always better to show development than to show nothing in an effort to avoid failure. If for no other reason, I need to stop being intimidated because otherwise I'm only going to face my worst fear of the moment: spend too much time worrying about failing and I will fail.
Friday is D-Day. I get to see the first real samples of my students' writing abilities; their first formal assignment is due. So far I've only got a handful of frantic, last minute "help me" e-mails. It's only their first drafts for peer review that are due tomorrow, so if I'm going to get more of those sort of e-mails, I suspect it will probably be during the next 48 hours or so.
Got my first writing assignment back from a professor today. I got full credit, which is more than the two guys next to me got. Gave the ol' ego a bit of a boost. Unfortunately, it wasn't a full paper, but knowing that the professor thought I understood the issues in the article as best as was possible made me feel great.