A Bit On Family
Is there something strange in the Ether that is causing a rift? Or perhaps Mercury is jumping up and down on the Karma button or something?
I just got a friend request from my cousin. Yes, a BLOOD RELATIVE. A human relative on the planet that has reached out... to ME. I am confused, worried, nervous, scared... I don't know what to think. I can't stop breathing so hard.
The last time she reached out to me, I was 19 years old. That was a year or two ago (ha!). She was on her way through Portland and wanted to see me. I wore my nicest outfit which was a ridiculous one. A pair of white pants that were way too short and a white Joker T-Shirt. I will never forget it because I was so nervous and I felt so shabby. You see, this cousin had always been the most beautiful girl in the world with the most beautiful hair and gorgeous teeth. All of her photos were stunning and there was never a lack of boys and friends on her roster of people when we were children. She did grown up things (smoked and drank and went to see concerts) and she had an opinion about everything that she did not mind sharing regardless of being asked. We hadn't seen one another since I was 9 or 10 when we had been sort of thrust upon one another because our mothers were rekindling their sistership... or trying to. Needless to say, they were difficult days.
So, she shows up and I meet her for lunch. Very quickly, the conversation became sad for me. She asked about 'the incident'.
I think I was 9 or so. Her little brother (also my cousin), decided to read her diary and then erase a bunch of it. He showed me where her diary was and then read it out loud to me... Then he erased a whole bunch of it. Later my cousin (the diary owner) asked me if I knew where her diary was, as if she had lost it. I found it for her and gave it to her. She flew into a rage and told my aunt and her step-Dad. I was beaten. I was grounded (which meant nothing cuz I never went anywhere or did anything anyway) and I was called a liar and a thief. No matter how much they pressed me, I wouldn't tell the grown-ups what the little brother had done and just took what was coming. Later, I tried to tell my cousin what happened with her diary because another kid always deserves the truth but I first made her promise that she wouldn't hurt her brother. When I told her, she didn't believe me. She stopped speaking to me or paying any attention to me in any way. She sneered at me and left the room when I came in... and my mother and I were over there 3 or 4 times a week. She told her brother how I had tried to blame it on him and gave him extra love and babying when I was around, which he reveled in. And everytime she reacted to me in this way, the grown-ups and her little brother would remind me that I deserved it and maybe I would learn not to be such a liar in the future..
When my cousin had lunch with me some ten years later, one of the first things she brought up was the diary. She asked me if I was ready to confess what I had done to her; the trust I had broken had left a permanent scar and she was distrustful of most people now because of me. I was quiet for a moment, stunned really. She folded her hands in her lap and waited. She was still beautiful; I mean absolutely stunning. I could feel her judgment. I felt so shabby and stupid, but I always tell the truth and I always will. So, I explained that her little brother had done those things. She became furious with me. She pursed her lips and said some very ugly things about me being immature and that I should have been brave enough and honorable enough to at least admit my guilt all these years later... But the worst thing was that she called me a coward and a bully to pick on her little brother... my little cousin in such a way. Then she said, "I knew you weren't worth this." She hugged me briefly and left. I've not seen nor heard from her since.
My mother did tell me after spending time with her 4 or 5 years ago that I was the wrong daughter and no one appreciated her like my cousin, who believes my mother is the most perfect and most loving mother that ever lived.
Her we are some (murmur) years later and my cousin sends me a friend request. I honestly have no idea what to do about it. I said 'yes', but now what.
I just got a friend request from my cousin. Yes, a BLOOD RELATIVE. A human relative on the planet that has reached out... to ME. I am confused, worried, nervous, scared... I don't know what to think. I can't stop breathing so hard.
The last time she reached out to me, I was 19 years old. That was a year or two ago (ha!). She was on her way through Portland and wanted to see me. I wore my nicest outfit which was a ridiculous one. A pair of white pants that were way too short and a white Joker T-Shirt. I will never forget it because I was so nervous and I felt so shabby. You see, this cousin had always been the most beautiful girl in the world with the most beautiful hair and gorgeous teeth. All of her photos were stunning and there was never a lack of boys and friends on her roster of people when we were children. She did grown up things (smoked and drank and went to see concerts) and she had an opinion about everything that she did not mind sharing regardless of being asked. We hadn't seen one another since I was 9 or 10 when we had been sort of thrust upon one another because our mothers were rekindling their sistership... or trying to. Needless to say, they were difficult days.
So, she shows up and I meet her for lunch. Very quickly, the conversation became sad for me. She asked about 'the incident'.
I think I was 9 or so. Her little brother (also my cousin), decided to read her diary and then erase a bunch of it. He showed me where her diary was and then read it out loud to me... Then he erased a whole bunch of it. Later my cousin (the diary owner) asked me if I knew where her diary was, as if she had lost it. I found it for her and gave it to her. She flew into a rage and told my aunt and her step-Dad. I was beaten. I was grounded (which meant nothing cuz I never went anywhere or did anything anyway) and I was called a liar and a thief. No matter how much they pressed me, I wouldn't tell the grown-ups what the little brother had done and just took what was coming. Later, I tried to tell my cousin what happened with her diary because another kid always deserves the truth but I first made her promise that she wouldn't hurt her brother. When I told her, she didn't believe me. She stopped speaking to me or paying any attention to me in any way. She sneered at me and left the room when I came in... and my mother and I were over there 3 or 4 times a week. She told her brother how I had tried to blame it on him and gave him extra love and babying when I was around, which he reveled in. And everytime she reacted to me in this way, the grown-ups and her little brother would remind me that I deserved it and maybe I would learn not to be such a liar in the future..
When my cousin had lunch with me some ten years later, one of the first things she brought up was the diary. She asked me if I was ready to confess what I had done to her; the trust I had broken had left a permanent scar and she was distrustful of most people now because of me. I was quiet for a moment, stunned really. She folded her hands in her lap and waited. She was still beautiful; I mean absolutely stunning. I could feel her judgment. I felt so shabby and stupid, but I always tell the truth and I always will. So, I explained that her little brother had done those things. She became furious with me. She pursed her lips and said some very ugly things about me being immature and that I should have been brave enough and honorable enough to at least admit my guilt all these years later... But the worst thing was that she called me a coward and a bully to pick on her little brother... my little cousin in such a way. Then she said, "I knew you weren't worth this." She hugged me briefly and left. I've not seen nor heard from her since.
My mother did tell me after spending time with her 4 or 5 years ago that I was the wrong daughter and no one appreciated her like my cousin, who believes my mother is the most perfect and most loving mother that ever lived.
Her we are some (murmur) years later and my cousin sends me a friend request. I honestly have no idea what to do about it. I said 'yes', but now what.