(no subject)
Sometimes, I wonder whether I unintentionally "push" people away by asserting my independence? Being independent is a means of liberation, where nothing can keep us rooted or grounded but at the same time it leaves us so fragmented, where we are just a sum of small pieces combined together. It is as though I do not even have a true Self anymore, there is nothing deep, just superficial. On the surface, just a plethora of infused identities that I conjure up to suit different social situations? Maybe yes, maybe no. Is life then like a movie? Is life just a performance after all?
I do not like to set up expectations but sometimes I cannot help it. There are stereotypes that I subconsciously refer to to help me understand your role in my life. It sucks the most when you do not meet my expectations and I try my best not to show my disappointment around you. In the end, I am the one who feels like shit. I hate myself for doing this to myself but I cannot help it and I do not know how to explain it to you. Now I am feeling like shit again, but I tell myself to move on. Because after all, I still hold on to the belief that we are all selfish creatures after all; no one gves a shit and that is a true fact, that is reality. Because if people actually do care, then the world would not be filled with so much pain and suffering, there might be a glimmer of hope for "universal peace" after all.
I do not like to set up expectations but sometimes I cannot help it. There are stereotypes that I subconsciously refer to to help me understand your role in my life. It sucks the most when you do not meet my expectations and I try my best not to show my disappointment around you. In the end, I am the one who feels like shit. I hate myself for doing this to myself but I cannot help it and I do not know how to explain it to you. Now I am feeling like shit again, but I tell myself to move on. Because after all, I still hold on to the belief that we are all selfish creatures after all; no one gves a shit and that is a true fact, that is reality. Because if people actually do care, then the world would not be filled with so much pain and suffering, there might be a glimmer of hope for "universal peace" after all.