Selfish Love
Title: Selfish love
Author: Fatchickengirl
Rating: PG
Prompt: Amnesia (for Winter Companions)
Pair: 10/Jack
Summary: The Doctor goes to Jack expecting him to fall into his plans but thing don’t go quite his way, for a change…
A/N sorry guys was posted up wrong; plead dental surgery on the day I did it...honestly!
That would be his last visit to River Song. It was too close to his first visit: too close to her death. He sat in the library of the TARDIS, his memories drifting to another library, to Donna, to River’s death. He fell in love knowing the outcome. That was the problem with humans, their lives were so short; but Jack’s life was well if not infinite, certainly longer than his. That was all he asked of a life companion. A companion that would last all his life times. He had resisted for so long knowing how unfair it was to Jack but he couldn’t be alone. Donna had been right, as she had been about so much, he needed someone with him. He also needed the comfort of a lover.
He had married River, he loved her and they made love, she’d wanted children, he did not. He disappeared the third day of their honeymoon which explained the slap he got at the beginning of his forth meeting, which for him was nearly ten years ago! This crazed, time fractured, affair was thrilling, fascinating; but it had to end, as it had ended on the very day he first met her.
Jack was always there, being wrong, being beautiful, flawed and very, very human. He would not wither and die. He would become the Face of Boe and he had already seen the peace finally achieved by the long, long life of the former Captain Jack Harkness, con-man time traveller, soldier; hero. His hero? He only had to snap his fingers and not only the TARDIS door opened…he smiled; he was looking forward to this!
***
Torchwood Three was out, or so the Doctor assumed, he wondered the Hub. Not much had changed. The hot house still going, as some kind of memorial Jack had said. Ianto Jones was the only team member surviving from his official appointment as an adviser. Gwen died tragically when a weapon that came through he Rift exploded in her face. She had left a husband and a three year daughter Molly; she would be nearly ten now if he had his readings right. Ianto Jones had actually been Jack’s lover at one point but now lived with a police officer, the Doctor wasn‘t sure of his name Alan, Andy something like that.
The Doctor found his way into Jack’s office and leapt into the new chair, well new to him, and spun for a while on the spot. What had happened to Martha was sad too; a car accident leaving Tom and the twins. He spun again they would be also nearly ten now. He smiled the twins would grow up to be pioneers in science; Quantum Mechanics, his kind of science! And Gwen’s daughter, against her father’s wishes, would join Torchwood just when it gets really exciting. He spun again; some how the time line was taking care of it self. Maybe the ‘wrongness’ of Jack was keeping everything, well, right!
Suddenly the Claxton sounded and the team poured in, half carrying Jack, he appeared dazed and agitated.
“Doctor! Bloody good timing. It’s Jack he appears to have forgotten us!”
The Doctor ran to Ianto, he looked at the disorientated Jack.
“Is this the famous ‘Doctor’ Ianto?” Piped a sweet Irish voice
“Yes Kat. Doctor this is our Doctor! Dr Katherine Shannon…”
“He took a direct hit, some alien orb, and he doesn’t seem to know us. It may be concussion… though while we are not in fear of his life, he does seem very odd; for Jack!” Whilst talking the tiny Irish tornado had somehow manpowered Jack into the medical bay. “Sit yourself down big man.” Like a child he obeyed without complaint then suddenly he started hyperventilating.
“No, no, no. I killed them all. Don’t leave! They made me… I killed them all….” He let out a shout, a roar and the Doctor was shattered and almost relieved when Kat sedated him and he curled up into an uneasy, twitching sleep. He knew what this was. His memories, his stolen memories were coming back chasing the ones he made after away. Chasing him away…
***
Hours later the team sat in silence. The Doctor had filled them on the missing time and the little he knew. And then his suspicion that somehow that the stolen memories had come back but everything else, gone.
“We have no idea why the Time Agency took his memories. Could have been for his own good?” The very tall and lanky support Craig suggested.
“He always said no one knew him; even himself. Now I understand what he meant.” Ianto stood slowly, the weight of being second in command assuming leader, already bearing down on him.
“The truth is none of us know. We just have to fight for him. It’s Jack.” kat placed her hands spread in front of her on the table, smiled and nodded; at this point the Doctor decided he liked her very much. Sachin he had met before, a quiet Indian man, lifted from academic obscurity by Jack. As he followed the others out he paused by the Doctor and gave him a sad smile and pressed his hands together and left. The Doctor already knew he liked Sachin. He looked at a pencil drifting across the huge table toward him. He knew it would topple over edge if he did not catch it. He flinched, ever so slightly, as it made a tiny, dull, thud on the grey carpet.
Ianto offered his spare room as the Doctor felt he couldn’t go back to the TARDIS. But he couldn’t sleep so turned Ianto down and paced the Hub instead deep in tortured thought. He felt he must know the answer to this problem; resolve this problem This problem would upset his plans. His plans for Jack. Him and Jack. He paced finding things, in the depths of the Hub, that Torchwood had no right in hoarding, hiding. Humans had many faults but their ego was insurmountable. The goodness of Jack and those he led was undeniable but sometimes their methods sickened him. Still that would all change when Jack left all this to be with him. If he came…If he came? The Doctor stopped and stared at one of the hundreds of blank, cream and green, damp, tiled walls. Jack might say no, he might want to stay. He may still be in love with Ianto. He may not want to be in a relationship. Jack may not come and he would be alone.
He would not cry, must not cry. He was not a hairless ape, scrabbling around for meaning. He knew the meaning! He had seen the entire universe and gazed into the vortex and…run away.
***
Jack started to settle; he accepted he lost a large part of his life. He accepted these were his team, his friends. He accepted, after the cruellest moment, he could not die. Ianto had fired the gun and he came round in the Doctor’s arms. Even a touch of the old flirty Jack returned. He came on to each of the team in turn, which was rather uncomfortable for Ianto who may have ‘moved on’ but Jack in full seduction mode was a sight to see. He didn’t come on to the Doctor though. He did, however, quickly trust him, mostly because somehow he had become his nurse. The Doctor watched him sleep, still not peacefully as the memory of being tricked into committing Genocide, still plagued his dreams. He had fed him when he would not, could not feed himself. Soothed his rages and calmed his despair. Maybe Jack would have said no; maybe this just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe Jack would have wanted to stay with his beloved team. Maybe, just maybe his feeling for the Doctor never went beyond strong, devoted friendship….
The Doctor snapped himself out of it. He stood up and paced about the room. Jack had always made his intentions clear! He glanced at the bed and Jack was huddled in a foetal position the blanket rucked up around him. He stopped thinking and got into the bed and spooned him. Jack relaxed instantly as the Doctors arms swept round him then he pressed his mouth against Jack’s neck and kissed him gently.
“Sleep, without dreams my love, sleep.”
Jack’s grip released the blanket and the Doctor pulled it across them both and he found himself singing an ancient lullaby and soon he joined Jack in the best kind of sleep; just peace and darkness.
The Jack they all had known had gone but somehow this new Jack was just as charming, funny and in time as good a leader as the previous. The Doctor called Tom and he brought the twins. Tom told him loads of lovely stories about Martha. Ianto advised him not to tell Rhys, no one had seen him or Molly since Gwen’s funeral, but the Doctor had to try. It took nearly a week of constant harassment but in the end Rhys agreed and left Molly with Gwen’s parents and met with Jack at a coffee shop as Rhys refused to go to the Hub, and told him about Gwen and even showed him a recent picture of Molly. Suddenly Jack burst into tears.
“She has her mother’s smile; the gappy teeth!” The Doctor stared at Jack the breakthrough he had long dreamed of and took Jack’s free hand and just held it, Jack didn’t take it away.
***
After this breakthrough Jack kept having more, it also meant he had to grieve Tosh Gwen, Martha, Owen and so many more all over again. He raged at the Doctor over their lose. He fought with the Doctor over being left at the Game Station, for being ‘wrong’. They still shared a bed, albeit a larger one, on the TARDIS. One night long after everyone else had gone back to their home’s Jack paced the console room, spoiling for a fight.
“Why are you still here?”
”I came for you and will wait till you are ready!”
“Doctor, I remember now, I know you now, you can’t pretend. You can’t stay in one place for any time at all!”
“Then what is this then?”
“Yeah, what is it Doctor? You played at nurse then loyal friend then more and more…”
“More what?”
“I love you I have always loved you but accepted that you couldn’t give me what I want, need…” With that the Doctor kissed him.
“Love is so selfish, Jack, I came for you without any question that you would follow like a little sheep! It took your memory loss, your crisis, for me to see this is not just a basic want or need. I have to be with you, to protect you, cherish you, love you in every way, ALL ways.” Jack smiled at him, so much the old Jack, beaming from the blacked out streets of London.
“Can I have that in writing?” They kissed. And the Doctor had his answer, his soldier, his friend, his lover his hero, back home.
Author: Fatchickengirl
Rating: PG
Prompt: Amnesia (for Winter Companions)
Pair: 10/Jack
Summary: The Doctor goes to Jack expecting him to fall into his plans but thing don’t go quite his way, for a change…
A/N sorry guys was posted up wrong; plead dental surgery on the day I did it...honestly!
That would be his last visit to River Song. It was too close to his first visit: too close to her death. He sat in the library of the TARDIS, his memories drifting to another library, to Donna, to River’s death. He fell in love knowing the outcome. That was the problem with humans, their lives were so short; but Jack’s life was well if not infinite, certainly longer than his. That was all he asked of a life companion. A companion that would last all his life times. He had resisted for so long knowing how unfair it was to Jack but he couldn’t be alone. Donna had been right, as she had been about so much, he needed someone with him. He also needed the comfort of a lover.
He had married River, he loved her and they made love, she’d wanted children, he did not. He disappeared the third day of their honeymoon which explained the slap he got at the beginning of his forth meeting, which for him was nearly ten years ago! This crazed, time fractured, affair was thrilling, fascinating; but it had to end, as it had ended on the very day he first met her.
Jack was always there, being wrong, being beautiful, flawed and very, very human. He would not wither and die. He would become the Face of Boe and he had already seen the peace finally achieved by the long, long life of the former Captain Jack Harkness, con-man time traveller, soldier; hero. His hero? He only had to snap his fingers and not only the TARDIS door opened…he smiled; he was looking forward to this!
***
Torchwood Three was out, or so the Doctor assumed, he wondered the Hub. Not much had changed. The hot house still going, as some kind of memorial Jack had said. Ianto Jones was the only team member surviving from his official appointment as an adviser. Gwen died tragically when a weapon that came through he Rift exploded in her face. She had left a husband and a three year daughter Molly; she would be nearly ten now if he had his readings right. Ianto Jones had actually been Jack’s lover at one point but now lived with a police officer, the Doctor wasn‘t sure of his name Alan, Andy something like that.
The Doctor found his way into Jack’s office and leapt into the new chair, well new to him, and spun for a while on the spot. What had happened to Martha was sad too; a car accident leaving Tom and the twins. He spun again they would be also nearly ten now. He smiled the twins would grow up to be pioneers in science; Quantum Mechanics, his kind of science! And Gwen’s daughter, against her father’s wishes, would join Torchwood just when it gets really exciting. He spun again; some how the time line was taking care of it self. Maybe the ‘wrongness’ of Jack was keeping everything, well, right!
Suddenly the Claxton sounded and the team poured in, half carrying Jack, he appeared dazed and agitated.
“Doctor! Bloody good timing. It’s Jack he appears to have forgotten us!”
The Doctor ran to Ianto, he looked at the disorientated Jack.
“Is this the famous ‘Doctor’ Ianto?” Piped a sweet Irish voice
“Yes Kat. Doctor this is our Doctor! Dr Katherine Shannon…”
“He took a direct hit, some alien orb, and he doesn’t seem to know us. It may be concussion… though while we are not in fear of his life, he does seem very odd; for Jack!” Whilst talking the tiny Irish tornado had somehow manpowered Jack into the medical bay. “Sit yourself down big man.” Like a child he obeyed without complaint then suddenly he started hyperventilating.
“No, no, no. I killed them all. Don’t leave! They made me… I killed them all….” He let out a shout, a roar and the Doctor was shattered and almost relieved when Kat sedated him and he curled up into an uneasy, twitching sleep. He knew what this was. His memories, his stolen memories were coming back chasing the ones he made after away. Chasing him away…
***
Hours later the team sat in silence. The Doctor had filled them on the missing time and the little he knew. And then his suspicion that somehow that the stolen memories had come back but everything else, gone.
“We have no idea why the Time Agency took his memories. Could have been for his own good?” The very tall and lanky support Craig suggested.
“He always said no one knew him; even himself. Now I understand what he meant.” Ianto stood slowly, the weight of being second in command assuming leader, already bearing down on him.
“The truth is none of us know. We just have to fight for him. It’s Jack.” kat placed her hands spread in front of her on the table, smiled and nodded; at this point the Doctor decided he liked her very much. Sachin he had met before, a quiet Indian man, lifted from academic obscurity by Jack. As he followed the others out he paused by the Doctor and gave him a sad smile and pressed his hands together and left. The Doctor already knew he liked Sachin. He looked at a pencil drifting across the huge table toward him. He knew it would topple over edge if he did not catch it. He flinched, ever so slightly, as it made a tiny, dull, thud on the grey carpet.
Ianto offered his spare room as the Doctor felt he couldn’t go back to the TARDIS. But he couldn’t sleep so turned Ianto down and paced the Hub instead deep in tortured thought. He felt he must know the answer to this problem; resolve this problem This problem would upset his plans. His plans for Jack. Him and Jack. He paced finding things, in the depths of the Hub, that Torchwood had no right in hoarding, hiding. Humans had many faults but their ego was insurmountable. The goodness of Jack and those he led was undeniable but sometimes their methods sickened him. Still that would all change when Jack left all this to be with him. If he came…If he came? The Doctor stopped and stared at one of the hundreds of blank, cream and green, damp, tiled walls. Jack might say no, he might want to stay. He may still be in love with Ianto. He may not want to be in a relationship. Jack may not come and he would be alone.
He would not cry, must not cry. He was not a hairless ape, scrabbling around for meaning. He knew the meaning! He had seen the entire universe and gazed into the vortex and…run away.
***
Jack started to settle; he accepted he lost a large part of his life. He accepted these were his team, his friends. He accepted, after the cruellest moment, he could not die. Ianto had fired the gun and he came round in the Doctor’s arms. Even a touch of the old flirty Jack returned. He came on to each of the team in turn, which was rather uncomfortable for Ianto who may have ‘moved on’ but Jack in full seduction mode was a sight to see. He didn’t come on to the Doctor though. He did, however, quickly trust him, mostly because somehow he had become his nurse. The Doctor watched him sleep, still not peacefully as the memory of being tricked into committing Genocide, still plagued his dreams. He had fed him when he would not, could not feed himself. Soothed his rages and calmed his despair. Maybe Jack would have said no; maybe this just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe Jack would have wanted to stay with his beloved team. Maybe, just maybe his feeling for the Doctor never went beyond strong, devoted friendship….
The Doctor snapped himself out of it. He stood up and paced about the room. Jack had always made his intentions clear! He glanced at the bed and Jack was huddled in a foetal position the blanket rucked up around him. He stopped thinking and got into the bed and spooned him. Jack relaxed instantly as the Doctors arms swept round him then he pressed his mouth against Jack’s neck and kissed him gently.
“Sleep, without dreams my love, sleep.”
Jack’s grip released the blanket and the Doctor pulled it across them both and he found himself singing an ancient lullaby and soon he joined Jack in the best kind of sleep; just peace and darkness.
The Jack they all had known had gone but somehow this new Jack was just as charming, funny and in time as good a leader as the previous. The Doctor called Tom and he brought the twins. Tom told him loads of lovely stories about Martha. Ianto advised him not to tell Rhys, no one had seen him or Molly since Gwen’s funeral, but the Doctor had to try. It took nearly a week of constant harassment but in the end Rhys agreed and left Molly with Gwen’s parents and met with Jack at a coffee shop as Rhys refused to go to the Hub, and told him about Gwen and even showed him a recent picture of Molly. Suddenly Jack burst into tears.
“She has her mother’s smile; the gappy teeth!” The Doctor stared at Jack the breakthrough he had long dreamed of and took Jack’s free hand and just held it, Jack didn’t take it away.
***
After this breakthrough Jack kept having more, it also meant he had to grieve Tosh Gwen, Martha, Owen and so many more all over again. He raged at the Doctor over their lose. He fought with the Doctor over being left at the Game Station, for being ‘wrong’. They still shared a bed, albeit a larger one, on the TARDIS. One night long after everyone else had gone back to their home’s Jack paced the console room, spoiling for a fight.
“Why are you still here?”
”I came for you and will wait till you are ready!”
“Doctor, I remember now, I know you now, you can’t pretend. You can’t stay in one place for any time at all!”
“Then what is this then?”
“Yeah, what is it Doctor? You played at nurse then loyal friend then more and more…”
“More what?”
“I love you I have always loved you but accepted that you couldn’t give me what I want, need…” With that the Doctor kissed him.
“Love is so selfish, Jack, I came for you without any question that you would follow like a little sheep! It took your memory loss, your crisis, for me to see this is not just a basic want or need. I have to be with you, to protect you, cherish you, love you in every way, ALL ways.” Jack smiled at him, so much the old Jack, beaming from the blacked out streets of London.
“Can I have that in writing?” They kissed. And the Doctor had his answer, his soldier, his friend, his lover his hero, back home.