rubychan05, "A Barrier I Cannot Cross", (Ten/Jack) [PG-13]
Title: A Barrier I Cannot Cross
Author: Rubychan05
Challenge: "Crossing the lines"
Rating: PG13
Spoilers/warnings: Vague spoilers for Classic Who, allusions to Last of the Time Lords
Summary: He can't follow them.
A Barrier I Cannot Cross
After the Saxon fiasco he clung to old comforts, seeking out old companions like a child might search for a favourite teddy bear that had been discarded long ago. Never interfered of course; events in the timeline prevented him contacting most of them, and for those that had left by choice he had no right to upset their lives once again. Not for something as foolish and needy as this. Not for something so pathetic. But in one fell swoop he had lost everything once again, and he had to convince himself that things wouldn’t always be like this, that he hadn’t dreamed up these people who had cared for him so fiercely, so loyally.
He went back and watched Barbara marry Ian, saw their son growing up ignorant of the adventures his parents had once had with an elderly alien.
He stood in the shadows and watched Ben get promoted to Admiral, Polly running forwards only moments later to plant a sloppy kiss on his grinning lips.
He smiled sadly as Jamie married some bonnie Scottish lass and taught his sons to fight, remembering the sparring sessions from years ago when he and Jamie used to wrestle playfully on the floor of the TARDIS, rolling around and generally annoying Zoë.
He found Jo still in the Amazon rainforest with her husband, Liz in Cambridge enjoying her retirement. The diamond ring sparkling on Liz’s finger had suited her, as had the young man standing at her side.
He resisted the urge to help as Sarah Jane faced down Slitheen in her adopted son’s school, saw the family she had built for herself and the almost domestic life she was leading.
He cried as he watched Tegan in the hospital, a gentle smile on her face even as she slowly lost the fight against cancer. Her boyfriend, the latest in a long line of failed relationships, had squeezed her hand lovingly, and asked her to marry him. Tegan had laughed at the offer, but hadn’t refused outright.
He went back and saw Ace finally settle down, surprisingly motherly when the time came for her to have children. Her husband claimed that it was her son that shared her zest for life, but her daughter who inherited their mother’s beauty. The Doctor couldn’t have agreed more.
He sat at the back of the church on Grace’s wedding day, the hope he’d given her during their short time together having bloomed into a vibrant, happy love for an accountant who lived down the street.
After visiting the companions that had left him to find love on other planets, the Doctor finally realised the pattern; every single one of his companions that had left his TARDIS alive had settled down, found families and partners to live out the rest of their lives with. Even Martha had found herself a boyfriend, as he’d been shocked to discover when he went to check up on her.
He’d spied upon them to ease his loneliness, but instead had found himself to be worse off than before, left craving the companionship that seemed perpetually out of his reach. The Master had chosen to die rather than spend eternity in his presence, and his former assistants were all off living other lives, lives that were empty of the Doctor yet somehow more full because of it. None of them would have given everything up to travel with the Doctor again, no matter how they might have claimed otherwise if pressed.
Except Jack.
Jack who’d braved the corridor of Time, clinging to the TARDIS as it tried valiantly to shake him off. Jack, who’d followed him once more, strived so hard to regain lost ground and repair their relationship. Jack had his own life with Torchwood now, but he’d still put the Doctor first. The Doctor still meant something to him.
He knew what he was doing was selfish from the moment he stepped out of the TARDIS into Jack’s welcoming embrace, but couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Jack cared about him. Jack wanted him. Jack would quite happily make him feel better and let him forget all his troubles for a night, would let him leave in the morning and not expect more.
So he seduced Jack as best he could with his eyes misty from tears and his hands shaking, steering the Captain down into his quarters and onto his bed. If Jack seemed more reluctant than expected, less pliant, the Doctor gave no sign of noticing, and eventually Jack seemed to give in, kissing the Doctor back with the same ardour he had shown that one single night they’d shared together back in the TARDIS. Responding to the Doctor’s frantic pleas for him to make him forget.
He left Jack asleep in the morning, too cowardly to wake him up and say goodbye. The immortal didn’t stir as the Doctor dressed, and the Time Lord was just congratulating himself on a meltdown easily averted with no cost to either side when his eyes fell on the small picture sitting on the cabinet beside Jack’s bed.
The frame itself was a plain little thing, made out of cheap wood and poorly varnished, but it was the photo inside that made the Doctor’s guts twist, breath catching painfully in his throat.
It had been taken in a park somewhere, a day sunny enough that Jack had decided against his usual heavy coat. He was lying at the foot of a tree and grinning broadly at the camera, eyes twinkling as he pulled his reluctant companion further into the shot, an arm around broad shoulders and his other hand blatantly groping a suit-clad arse. The other man was laughing, hands fisted in Jack’s shirt.
With trembling hands the Doctor slipped the photo out, turning it over to see the message he instinctively knew would be written there.
To Jack,
Happy anniversary! If they’d told me a year ago I’d still be stuck with you now, I’d never have believed it. Just goes to show what we measly mortals know.
Here’s to another year of your terrible flirting!
Ianto
He’d been wrong about Jack. Just as he always had been.
All his companions had built futures for themselves, surrounded themselves with people they loved and cared about. Had families, found husbands, wives, partners…and the Doctor stood alone, the lost boy once more. Trapped behind a barrier that he could not cross, watching as one by one his lifelines slipped away to a place where he could not follow.
Alone.
Ah. Yes. Written in ten minutes when I realised I hadn't written anything for this challenge, so sorry about the poor quality! It sounded much better in my head...perhaps one day I'll come back to it if I have more time and make it into more of an epic. So sleepy now...