(no subject)

[wintercoat]

every house makes noises. I remember the first night in this one. even the slightest sound seemed to stand out so clearly and make the hairs on my arms creep up. I couldn't close my eyes for more than a few minutes at a time (much less sleep), opening them frequently to see if everything was in its place and if my bedroom door was still slightly cracked. I don't hear those noises anymore but I still lay and watch my door. I have the biggest bedroom in the house. I didn't pick it, it just turned out that way. I like it sometimes at night when my dog wakes up from her bed and walks to the kitchen. I can hear the tags on her collar jingle, the clicking of her nails on the linoleum, and sometimes she wiggles around on her back and makes snorting noises. I remember the first day of high school but, strangely enough, I don't remember the last. when I was a freshman phebe was a senior and we shared a locker in the senior hallway. she'd write me notes during her lunch period and leave them in our locker. I still have them. she'd write about missing dustin and our old house. I remember how miserable we were that first year here and how I'd hear her crying late at night. she'd say that 8-3 were the loneliest hours of the day, and god, she was right. but she has brian now, a house of her own, a cat, a job at a fabric store. a different life. I was talking to lauren the other night and she said "I miss you" and it made me feel so far away.

I have this group of friends and they're really great. lately we don't really do anything but sit indoors, play video games, sip tea and talk about ridiculous things. I like that we don't have to do much but just be in each others presence and that is enough. it's good these days. there is this contentment that takes us in and swallows us whole.