(no subject)
so sorry, I just got back from camp today sooo....that's why i didn't write much the past week or so or why i havent replied to either your entries or comments to my entries or etc. And now...It's time for everyone's favorite part of my journal...MY TERRIBLE ATTEMPT AT A POEM!!! WOOT WOOT!
Looking at her I see myself
How I was, how I still want to be
And I was happy.
She was me,
I finally found my mirror image,
We like the same things
And have the same jokes.
But there's not another him,
There's not two of my best friend.
In no time at all,
In the blink of an eye,
Jealousy rose inside me
And I felt the need to compete.
How dare she come between us,
My best friend and I.
How could I be so blind
To what I have always felt
And always ignored in my heart?
ok, well that toally sucks because I'm still really hurt and confused and can't really express my emotions like that right now so it will have to do untill I can feel it more clearly. so i will just vent. I was sooo happy when I met that girl, she was exactly like me, I saw myself in her and it was sooo cool. and we talked about stuff and were in some of the same skills and stood next to each other in worship and she was friends with my best friend which was even better at the time because I could hang out with him and her and the same time. except that i was an idiot in seventh grade and threw away something perfectly great, i tend to do that alot. so i had no claims at all, which was fine, except that i realized how much i love to hang out with him and how much i like talking to him and horsing around with him so i was really happy when i was going to get to spend a week with him at camp. i have never been so jealous in my entire life. I felt like i was being replaced, she was so much like me and her name was spelled exactly like mine and she was so nice to me and she liked him. who can blame her, he's really ok. and wow, i was soo upset and i am soo upset i feel like crying. it's not even the fact that i like him, it's the fact that I haven't spent nearly as much time with him as i would have liked. His mom asked me one summer if I could like go to the movies with him and invite him over and stuff because he didn't ever really do anything and was really bored and I didn't and I feel so stupid now. It took me being jealous of another girl so much like me getting attention from my best friend to realize how much i like him as a friend. I already figured that I had liked him as a guy, and when she started hanging all over him and whatnot I got really really jealous and then she told me she liked him and then she asked him out and I was like....i hate you. but I still wanted to be friends with her because I didn't wnat either of them to firgure out what I was really feeling. i have never felt so replaced by someone as i have this week and like holy crap. pouring out what i feel comfortable sharing of my sould with ahsley amanda and lewie....man. i'm so insecure and so afraid of being replaced in the lives of people i like and the fear became sooo real. and it wasn't sooo bad until last night when someone said the he liked her and i just totally would have started bawling except that we were at the pool so i just cried silently for a little bit and that was it. first time i've cried over a guy since griffin in the fifth grade. i never felt so replaced as i did in the exact moment when my life came crashing down around my ears when i realized what a good thing that i wasted and even if i didn't like him like that, just the fact that i just completely would have lost my bestfriend if that girl lived in town with us. i was never so scared in my life over a platonic relationship and i was never so heart broken over a guy. thinking about it i just...wow. and the thing that i'm most afriad of right now is that he is going to feel completely weird about my feelings and not want to hang out anymore...not that we ever did because i'm a complete moron. alright...i'm going to go answer some comments....adn tajke a nap and clean my ears.
Looking at her I see myself
How I was, how I still want to be
And I was happy.
She was me,
I finally found my mirror image,
We like the same things
And have the same jokes.
But there's not another him,
There's not two of my best friend.
In no time at all,
In the blink of an eye,
Jealousy rose inside me
And I felt the need to compete.
How dare she come between us,
My best friend and I.
How could I be so blind
To what I have always felt
And always ignored in my heart?
ok, well that toally sucks because I'm still really hurt and confused and can't really express my emotions like that right now so it will have to do untill I can feel it more clearly. so i will just vent. I was sooo happy when I met that girl, she was exactly like me, I saw myself in her and it was sooo cool. and we talked about stuff and were in some of the same skills and stood next to each other in worship and she was friends with my best friend which was even better at the time because I could hang out with him and her and the same time. except that i was an idiot in seventh grade and threw away something perfectly great, i tend to do that alot. so i had no claims at all, which was fine, except that i realized how much i love to hang out with him and how much i like talking to him and horsing around with him so i was really happy when i was going to get to spend a week with him at camp. i have never been so jealous in my entire life. I felt like i was being replaced, she was so much like me and her name was spelled exactly like mine and she was so nice to me and she liked him. who can blame her, he's really ok. and wow, i was soo upset and i am soo upset i feel like crying. it's not even the fact that i like him, it's the fact that I haven't spent nearly as much time with him as i would have liked. His mom asked me one summer if I could like go to the movies with him and invite him over and stuff because he didn't ever really do anything and was really bored and I didn't and I feel so stupid now. It took me being jealous of another girl so much like me getting attention from my best friend to realize how much i like him as a friend. I already figured that I had liked him as a guy, and when she started hanging all over him and whatnot I got really really jealous and then she told me she liked him and then she asked him out and I was like....i hate you. but I still wanted to be friends with her because I didn't wnat either of them to firgure out what I was really feeling. i have never felt so replaced by someone as i have this week and like holy crap. pouring out what i feel comfortable sharing of my sould with ahsley amanda and lewie....man. i'm so insecure and so afraid of being replaced in the lives of people i like and the fear became sooo real. and it wasn't sooo bad until last night when someone said the he liked her and i just totally would have started bawling except that we were at the pool so i just cried silently for a little bit and that was it. first time i've cried over a guy since griffin in the fifth grade. i never felt so replaced as i did in the exact moment when my life came crashing down around my ears when i realized what a good thing that i wasted and even if i didn't like him like that, just the fact that i just completely would have lost my bestfriend if that girl lived in town with us. i was never so scared in my life over a platonic relationship and i was never so heart broken over a guy. thinking about it i just...wow. and the thing that i'm most afriad of right now is that he is going to feel completely weird about my feelings and not want to hang out anymore...not that we ever did because i'm a complete moron. alright...i'm going to go answer some comments....adn tajke a nap and clean my ears.