everything. is about. everything.
right now i'm watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. you might think, stereotypically long and overdrawn indie title. but really, it's a great movie... really.
i am sad and drunk. this isn't an "attention whore" esque entry. god, just thinking about it like that says something. i want you all to know, and respond with understanding. not sympathy. for all of you who may stumble upon this thinking "this'll make a great encyclopediadramatica.com/college humor/typical emo kid entry/etc. you can all go to hell and suck the devil's dick. know that you were wrong if you do anything with this.
everyone misses someone a lot. a lost relative, a friend who moved away, even just being in your house by yourself, wishing someone was there.
it's funny drinking beer at the same time you want to eat a healthy meal with nothing but vegetables... where am i. identity complex.
god, i think i love you, but then i don't think i know what love is, and how i want to be your completing piece, but i'm not complete myself.
i just want to be with you. that's all. i'd rather be with you, than myself. and that's something you don't want for me, because as much as it hurts you, you know it's better for me to be with myself. but i just can't bear this sometimes, pictures are beautiful, but i need to see you in a different way. in a real time way.
today wasn't a bad day. i just still miss you. and think about what you're thinking. i just can't understand whether or not i'm thinking all of this for the right reasons. to me you are happiness. you are being comfortable. you are what makes me feel great. i want you do be something i can go to when i'm feeling lost and at the same time i don't want that. where the hell is purity? where is life without a translucent film over it.
where am i in your life?
where are you in my life?
i said i never wanted to do anything that would hurt you again.
sometimes when all i want to do is talking to you, even when i'm drunk, i know i'm clouded, i know it's not what you deserve. but i want to speak with passion. passion that i think is passion.
for now, i will just have to do this. i'll just have to be unhappy, i'll just have to try and feel what you are feeling, i'll just have to find a new definition of courage.
"joeley, don't ever leave me..."
"you're pretty (kiss) youre pretty (kiss) you're (kiss) pretty yo- (kiss) pre- (kiss kiss kiss)..."
"WAKE ME UP!"
"oh i'm sorry, i thought you knew what was going on..."
"this is it joel. i'm going to be gone soon. what do we do?"
"... enjoy it...
i want to wake up in a bed, on the beach with you.
i want to kill a dead bird with a hammer, and realize what violence is, what other people can do to you, and what it is to have someone to take you out of it.
i think tomorrow i'm going to tell my parents, over a cigarette, that i've been drank profusely the night before to deal with my negative emotions, and just be honest with them. tell them that i haven't been taking thing well. and that there's so much i want to know about myself. even if they say there's nothing wrong with me, even if they say they love me as i am, i know there are things i have to work on, and i know that they'll support me, but they can't tell me what's wrong with me. they just can't.
this is how things must have been, and i never saw it.
"to spend that much time with someone, and find out, she's a stranger."
why did i think that? why do i? why isn't it. why.
i am sad and drunk. this isn't an "attention whore" esque entry. god, just thinking about it like that says something. i want you all to know, and respond with understanding. not sympathy. for all of you who may stumble upon this thinking "this'll make a great encyclopediadramatica.com/college humor/typical emo kid entry/etc. you can all go to hell and suck the devil's dick. know that you were wrong if you do anything with this.
everyone misses someone a lot. a lost relative, a friend who moved away, even just being in your house by yourself, wishing someone was there.
it's funny drinking beer at the same time you want to eat a healthy meal with nothing but vegetables... where am i. identity complex.
god, i think i love you, but then i don't think i know what love is, and how i want to be your completing piece, but i'm not complete myself.
i just want to be with you. that's all. i'd rather be with you, than myself. and that's something you don't want for me, because as much as it hurts you, you know it's better for me to be with myself. but i just can't bear this sometimes, pictures are beautiful, but i need to see you in a different way. in a real time way.
today wasn't a bad day. i just still miss you. and think about what you're thinking. i just can't understand whether or not i'm thinking all of this for the right reasons. to me you are happiness. you are being comfortable. you are what makes me feel great. i want you do be something i can go to when i'm feeling lost and at the same time i don't want that. where the hell is purity? where is life without a translucent film over it.
where am i in your life?
where are you in my life?
i said i never wanted to do anything that would hurt you again.
sometimes when all i want to do is talking to you, even when i'm drunk, i know i'm clouded, i know it's not what you deserve. but i want to speak with passion. passion that i think is passion.
for now, i will just have to do this. i'll just have to be unhappy, i'll just have to try and feel what you are feeling, i'll just have to find a new definition of courage.
"joeley, don't ever leave me..."
"you're pretty (kiss) youre pretty (kiss) you're (kiss) pretty yo- (kiss) pre- (kiss kiss kiss)..."
"WAKE ME UP!"
"oh i'm sorry, i thought you knew what was going on..."
"this is it joel. i'm going to be gone soon. what do we do?"
"... enjoy it...
i want to wake up in a bed, on the beach with you.
i want to kill a dead bird with a hammer, and realize what violence is, what other people can do to you, and what it is to have someone to take you out of it.
i think tomorrow i'm going to tell my parents, over a cigarette, that i've been drank profusely the night before to deal with my negative emotions, and just be honest with them. tell them that i haven't been taking thing well. and that there's so much i want to know about myself. even if they say there's nothing wrong with me, even if they say they love me as i am, i know there are things i have to work on, and i know that they'll support me, but they can't tell me what's wrong with me. they just can't.
this is how things must have been, and i never saw it.
"to spend that much time with someone, and find out, she's a stranger."
why did i think that? why do i? why isn't it. why.