woahhhhh
its been bloody, bloooddyyyyy damn long!
lesse. recap;
- Faizal and i have been together for about a year now.
-my family situation is extremely bad.
- my schoolwork is bad too.
- CHICAGO PASSED AWAY. D:
poor girl passed away today . peaceful. but stil, mom is so down right now, and i dont blame her. Chicago has been with us for so long. and now? only archillio is left.
family situation - might need to sell house again. hitting yet another brick wall. debts pile high, so do emotions. cant help but feel so weak and useless at night. i cant seem to get any work done. why cant i work? why am i so easily stressed?
someone just told me i'm stressed only because i'm not doing things right. because the way i'm doing things is wrong, and proceeded to tell me about other geniuses who have it easy.
everyone is different.
despite all this crap, i thank God i'm in this family. why? example; my mom, today, worried about what i should wear for presentation; brought me out since morning just to source for things.i'm a really, really blessed kid.
i may have little of somethings, but i have friends and family who just make life so, so awesome.
life sucks on so many scales, talking about them seems to make me real sad.
so sad, i fear i just stop and give up.
but i know i can never do that. cause otherwise, mom and dad would be so down and disappointed.
my heart feels heavy. my mind in a blur, my eyes just wanna shut tight, real tight. and i dont wanna open them to face what else tomorrow might bring. another bad news? another financial problem?
but i have to keep them open. it feels like i'm the most insane, yet most sane person in this place now.
i dont like seeing things from a third party point of view. makes me feel like i've been here for too long. watching them fight, mediating, mediating, fights.
but i have to.
i hate feeling weak.feeling that i cant help in anyway financially.
God, hear my cry, please?
i want seth to grow up the smart little boy he is, and i hope that our problems never taint that mind. block out the venomous words we speak in the midst of angst and anger, keep them far from his thoughts . i love that boy with all my heart. i just pray he grows up smart. not dumb.
cause all daddy lets him do is watch tv, watch tv, watch tv.
i don't wanna be this tense. dont wanna keep worrying.
sometimes i ask my Lord, why?
wasn't secondary school enough? why are my opportunities blocked even in poly?
i will most probably go for NS after poly. depends on the cash we need. may take up bond with them too. i hope my maths can make it..
i really, really dont wanna have to sell the house again, dont wanna have to move into uncertainty again.
and a rant.to many, many, many stupid kids who think life is oh-so-hard, so tough, who emo their asses away seeking attention. fuck you, you over-content bastards. (i'm so vulgar these days...) have you no better things to do then to rant on facebook about your 'miserable' lives and to get that upset that you wanna kill yourself over that guy or girl? grow some balls, and at the same time, a brain, stupids. some of you sound so baseless, and have the cheek to come telling me that your life is so-very-tough. ...Jing, in no way i'm referring to you.really. Really now. are you guys retards? you can travel, you can go out shopping, can afford nice things. blahblahblah---- oh wait, what did you say? EMOTIONAL problems? ohhhh..... i see.... over what? whether or not your dicks are big enough? bastards.
even i got tired of crying at night. true, its good to be true to your emotions, but come on la. grow up. sheesh..
wells, thats my mini-rant. i'm not that pissed, just a lil' irritated. thats all.
i still think i'm one heck of a blessed girl, because i have so many things in my life thats so good.
lesse. recap;
- Faizal and i have been together for about a year now.
-my family situation is extremely bad.
- my schoolwork is bad too.
- CHICAGO PASSED AWAY. D:
poor girl passed away today . peaceful. but stil, mom is so down right now, and i dont blame her. Chicago has been with us for so long. and now? only archillio is left.
family situation - might need to sell house again. hitting yet another brick wall. debts pile high, so do emotions. cant help but feel so weak and useless at night. i cant seem to get any work done. why cant i work? why am i so easily stressed?
someone just told me i'm stressed only because i'm not doing things right. because the way i'm doing things is wrong, and proceeded to tell me about other geniuses who have it easy.
everyone is different.
despite all this crap, i thank God i'm in this family. why? example; my mom, today, worried about what i should wear for presentation; brought me out since morning just to source for things.i'm a really, really blessed kid.
i may have little of somethings, but i have friends and family who just make life so, so awesome.
life sucks on so many scales, talking about them seems to make me real sad.
so sad, i fear i just stop and give up.
but i know i can never do that. cause otherwise, mom and dad would be so down and disappointed.
my heart feels heavy. my mind in a blur, my eyes just wanna shut tight, real tight. and i dont wanna open them to face what else tomorrow might bring. another bad news? another financial problem?
but i have to keep them open. it feels like i'm the most insane, yet most sane person in this place now.
i dont like seeing things from a third party point of view. makes me feel like i've been here for too long. watching them fight, mediating, mediating, fights.
but i have to.
i hate feeling weak.feeling that i cant help in anyway financially.
God, hear my cry, please?
i want seth to grow up the smart little boy he is, and i hope that our problems never taint that mind. block out the venomous words we speak in the midst of angst and anger, keep them far from his thoughts . i love that boy with all my heart. i just pray he grows up smart. not dumb.
cause all daddy lets him do is watch tv, watch tv, watch tv.
i don't wanna be this tense. dont wanna keep worrying.
sometimes i ask my Lord, why?
wasn't secondary school enough? why are my opportunities blocked even in poly?
i will most probably go for NS after poly. depends on the cash we need. may take up bond with them too. i hope my maths can make it..
i really, really dont wanna have to sell the house again, dont wanna have to move into uncertainty again.
and a rant.to many, many, many stupid kids who think life is oh-so-hard, so tough, who emo their asses away seeking attention. fuck you, you over-content bastards. (i'm so vulgar these days...) have you no better things to do then to rant on facebook about your 'miserable' lives and to get that upset that you wanna kill yourself over that guy or girl? grow some balls, and at the same time, a brain, stupids. some of you sound so baseless, and have the cheek to come telling me that your life is so-very-tough. ...Jing, in no way i'm referring to you.really. Really now. are you guys retards? you can travel, you can go out shopping, can afford nice things. blahblahblah---- oh wait, what did you say? EMOTIONAL problems? ohhhh..... i see.... over what? whether or not your dicks are big enough? bastards.
even i got tired of crying at night. true, its good to be true to your emotions, but come on la. grow up. sheesh..
wells, thats my mini-rant. i'm not that pissed, just a lil' irritated. thats all.
i still think i'm one heck of a blessed girl, because i have so many things in my life thats so good.