Let's Do Bullshit Because I am Pissed
Well yeah, maybe I’m bipolar. My mood can have a sudden shift at a sudden mentioning of something I can’t really deal with or misunderstand it. We did a plate today, making an artwork of soft pastel for the first time and I don’t believe I can do it with greatness on the first try but I can always try my best. It’s the worst thing when I check out somebody else’s work, I thought mine was okay. Guess I was wrong. I’ve never always been the best at anything and I don’t need sympathy, it’s annoying right now and I have no clue what I should do to stop this raging anger in me. I’ve always been in the in between. I was afraid of losing friends before, well fuck it. When you lose me, you’ll always find someone better than me, that’s how low I am, I am no fun, I am boring and I’ve noticed that. Things I thought my own always gets snatched by somebody and I end up alone. Guess I don’t really isolate myself for daydreaming purposes alone but also because I can see I am not needed. Yeah, life’s a bitch and I can cry out for that when I’m alone, it’s nothing to blabber about. If you don’t like it, then I’ll take it, tomorrow, first thing in the morning. If you can spill out my secrets then I can’t do anything. You think it’s a joke, it’s for fun, well, FICK DICH. I chose to raise my eyebrow than to give you that fuck off sign, next time, I won’t forget, I’ll give you that sign. Shit. Every time I try do something, reaching for it without getting noticed, they always get spilled and I haven’t reached it yet. All those things I try to get, but ended up wrong, I back off. Now I can’t just be friends with her because she’s not an idiot not to notice that. Why am I always the one backing out on things? Why can’t I be something someone could hold on to? Because I’m not good for anything and I haven’t won all my life. If I started fighting with my fists on the real battlefield, I know I can’t win, I never did. I’ve embraced people with wide open arms but like you, I’m a murderer in my inner thoughts. I’ve never been friends with people I like because it’s awkward, and why can’t that chance just stay like that? I am not plastic, I don’t say so but I give cold shoulders and get that sign if you’re sensitive enough. If you’ve asked, I’ll tell you. Maybe just now I am crying with anger, tomorrow I might forget all about it… but there are things I no longer can do. I’ve already ignored her a lot of times, I’ve already shut out my friendly side, I’ve already tried everything to stop being closer…… guess I’ll just shut everything down then. I’ll try keeping the things I “like” to share… call it emo but I’m pissed. I’ll try shutting down my whole world. Besides, my stuff aren’t interesting.
I think I need a doze of fangurling... But I don't know
I think I need a doze of fangurling... But I don't know