Its like a jungle sometimes
I was with a boy once who thought that everything bad could be made better with nothing more than a quick squeeze of the hand and a kiss on the cheek. He’d throw in a pat on the head sometimes with a “Cheer up, Suz. Don’t be such a downer,” Before he’d skip off to do whatever it was he thought would be considered productive. I’m not sure I ever really called him my boyfriend, though he certainly acted like he was. And by the way I got angry over his ridiculous little annoyances I suppose he was close enough. I didn’t see him as much as I should have though he was constantly at my flat, even if I wasn’t. I was working two jobs at the time and a lot of the time I was home was spent painting and trying to make plans for a studio with Olly. But he’d be there, sleeping sometimes when I got back. His place was absolute shit and he had a flatmate that nobody in his or her right mind could get along with. He was a complete arse and the two times I was in his presence I wanted nothing more than to slap him and be done with it.
But Boy had his moments where he’d be a darling and make me tea and even put up with hip hop records to make me smile. I’d draw him sometimes but most of the time I’d throw them away before he saw. He wasn’t particularly attractive but I still never thought what I’d done did him justice. He never seemed to let anything get him down and he’d drag me up from my place on the floor where I was working when I got home at an insane hour just so I could waste what little energy I had left. He was a fantastic friend. I don’t think I loved him. Not really. Not in the way you love someone you think of being with forever, but maybe in another form. I woke up one morning to him sitting on the bed next to me and smiling a little. He kissed my cheek and told me was off, and it clicked right away that that was it. I didn’t get up though. I lay there and watched him go. It’s possible I cried a little bit that day, and I haven’t seen him since. He had his things to do and I had mine, and he never did understand why I wore myself out like I did. I never had a real answer other than because it was what I had to do. And it was, and I guess it all worked out. We could never give each other what the other wanted anyway. I think that happens too often.
We’re not children anymore. None of us are but it doesn’t stop us from acting like it sometimes does it? I’m allowed to be upset over things. I’ve put up with enough to be given that right at least. Fight if you must, and you prove that you can’t do anything else, but really choose wisely the things you decide to fight about.
But Boy had his moments where he’d be a darling and make me tea and even put up with hip hop records to make me smile. I’d draw him sometimes but most of the time I’d throw them away before he saw. He wasn’t particularly attractive but I still never thought what I’d done did him justice. He never seemed to let anything get him down and he’d drag me up from my place on the floor where I was working when I got home at an insane hour just so I could waste what little energy I had left. He was a fantastic friend. I don’t think I loved him. Not really. Not in the way you love someone you think of being with forever, but maybe in another form. I woke up one morning to him sitting on the bed next to me and smiling a little. He kissed my cheek and told me was off, and it clicked right away that that was it. I didn’t get up though. I lay there and watched him go. It’s possible I cried a little bit that day, and I haven’t seen him since. He had his things to do and I had mine, and he never did understand why I wore myself out like I did. I never had a real answer other than because it was what I had to do. And it was, and I guess it all worked out. We could never give each other what the other wanted anyway. I think that happens too often.
We’re not children anymore. None of us are but it doesn’t stop us from acting like it sometimes does it? I’m allowed to be upset over things. I’ve put up with enough to be given that right at least. Fight if you must, and you prove that you can’t do anything else, but really choose wisely the things you decide to fight about.