How can I express it?
Jesus help me!!! I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling or what is going on. I don't think I can write it down in words that anyone can understand- and that is the hardest part! I've never cried so much in my life- I've never cried to the point of not being able to cry anymore, even though I'm still crying on the inside...
This morning- our wonderful, precious puppy (he was still that to us) of six years, Frodo Baggins, was hit by a car and died instantly. Ok- so I do still have tears left. I don't know if anyone can know how it feels- not unless you have had a blessing like this precious dog was to us. I mean- Frodo wasn't just a dog- he was literally a member of our family. He was mine and my sister's furry nephew, my mom's and dad's granddog- and my sisters precious baby boy. I've never seen my sister like this in her whole life! I've never heard or seen her cry like this- and it just hurts so much. The grief comes in waves and sometimes it's hard to breathe. I never imagined it would happen. I mean- I have thought before what we would do if it did- but I could never think about it.
This is going to be the longest post ever- but I need to get this all out...
I was at work when my mom called me crying hysterically- and all I could make out was that Frodo was hit by a car. I thought maybe I heard her say he was dead, but I didn't let myself believe it- I left work instantly and when I got home- I just kept asking where he was and that I just wanted to see him, but my other sister told me that I didn't want to see him- and I realized that he was really dead. I know I'm sounding so...how I'm typing this out is NOTHING like how I feel right now...
He didn't feel any pain- the car ran over his head......(Lord God in heaven help us!!!) my sister (his mommy) is the one who found him. Would that I could erase that image from her mind!!! She let him out to go potty just as she always does in the morning. And then came back inside and got his breakfast and her breakfast ready as she always does, but he never came back in, and so she went to look for him....
I went out to the front yard where a police man had put him on our little wall- and my mom had covered him up w/ a towel, but his little tail was sticking out of it. I don't know why- but I think I just needed some form of closure to see if he was really dead- so I uncovered the bottom half of him and just...as pathetic as it sounds- bawled like a baby while petting him. I was only brave enough to halfway lift the towel from the top- and what little I saw...I almost threw up.
We buried him a few minute ago. It hurts so much in my chest...like I said- unless you have a pet whom you love to the point of never really seeing them as an animal, b/c they're so totally a real person to you...I don't know if you can understand.
It still hasn't registered that I'll never hear him bark again...and Lord, he could bark! For such a little person- his bark was about three times bigger than he was...^__^ And I'll never be able to smell his ears again or kiss the side of his face which were my favorites ever. And he was the best comforter. If you cried- he'd come running and kiss you like his kisses could make it all better. And if you were still crying after that- he would just simply sit on your lap and stay with you until you were done...he was so amazing. There are sooo many "never agains" that keep running through my head...we've lost a very loved member of the family...
Funny thing- my sister, Emily (his mommy) pulled out an old photo album last night and we were all looking at Fro's baby pictures...*shakes head* I'm so totally in a daze. I think the Lord was preparing us...even the word in service yesterday. I keep trying to remember if I kissed him goodnight last night- every time I try to remember I just start crying b/c I can't remember if I did or not! This hurts so much...
There's so much more I want to say...but I just can't!
Farewell- my dear, sweet, faithful little friend...
Frodo Baggins Kauffman...
My two nephews...
Sweet face...
My favorite place to kiss him...
He was growling at me...haha!
Give Aunt Ami kisses! :)..:*(
*hugs*
My sweet, sweet Fro Fro face...my heart is hurting.
So sorry for such a long post and pic spam, guys...
This morning- our wonderful, precious puppy (he was still that to us) of six years, Frodo Baggins, was hit by a car and died instantly. Ok- so I do still have tears left. I don't know if anyone can know how it feels- not unless you have had a blessing like this precious dog was to us. I mean- Frodo wasn't just a dog- he was literally a member of our family. He was mine and my sister's furry nephew, my mom's and dad's granddog- and my sisters precious baby boy. I've never seen my sister like this in her whole life! I've never heard or seen her cry like this- and it just hurts so much. The grief comes in waves and sometimes it's hard to breathe. I never imagined it would happen. I mean- I have thought before what we would do if it did- but I could never think about it.
This is going to be the longest post ever- but I need to get this all out...
I was at work when my mom called me crying hysterically- and all I could make out was that Frodo was hit by a car. I thought maybe I heard her say he was dead, but I didn't let myself believe it- I left work instantly and when I got home- I just kept asking where he was and that I just wanted to see him, but my other sister told me that I didn't want to see him- and I realized that he was really dead. I know I'm sounding so...how I'm typing this out is NOTHING like how I feel right now...
He didn't feel any pain- the car ran over his head......(Lord God in heaven help us!!!) my sister (his mommy) is the one who found him. Would that I could erase that image from her mind!!! She let him out to go potty just as she always does in the morning. And then came back inside and got his breakfast and her breakfast ready as she always does, but he never came back in, and so she went to look for him....
I went out to the front yard where a police man had put him on our little wall- and my mom had covered him up w/ a towel, but his little tail was sticking out of it. I don't know why- but I think I just needed some form of closure to see if he was really dead- so I uncovered the bottom half of him and just...as pathetic as it sounds- bawled like a baby while petting him. I was only brave enough to halfway lift the towel from the top- and what little I saw...I almost threw up.
We buried him a few minute ago. It hurts so much in my chest...like I said- unless you have a pet whom you love to the point of never really seeing them as an animal, b/c they're so totally a real person to you...I don't know if you can understand.
It still hasn't registered that I'll never hear him bark again...and Lord, he could bark! For such a little person- his bark was about three times bigger than he was...^__^ And I'll never be able to smell his ears again or kiss the side of his face which were my favorites ever. And he was the best comforter. If you cried- he'd come running and kiss you like his kisses could make it all better. And if you were still crying after that- he would just simply sit on your lap and stay with you until you were done...he was so amazing. There are sooo many "never agains" that keep running through my head...we've lost a very loved member of the family...
Funny thing- my sister, Emily (his mommy) pulled out an old photo album last night and we were all looking at Fro's baby pictures...*shakes head* I'm so totally in a daze. I think the Lord was preparing us...even the word in service yesterday. I keep trying to remember if I kissed him goodnight last night- every time I try to remember I just start crying b/c I can't remember if I did or not! This hurts so much...
There's so much more I want to say...but I just can't!
Farewell- my dear, sweet, faithful little friend...
Frodo Baggins Kauffman...
My two nephews...
Sweet face...
My favorite place to kiss him...
He was growling at me...haha!
Give Aunt Ami kisses! :)..:*(
*hugs*
My sweet, sweet Fro Fro face...my heart is hurting.
So sorry for such a long post and pic spam, guys...