Fic. Want
Title: Want
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Will/Finn, mentions of Tina/Artie
Summary: You know how it is, your friends start popping out kids and all of a sudden it gets you to thinking.
AN: Part of my series. And yeah, this is now going in the direction of Will/Finn +kid which I know isn't some people's cup of tea.
It’s like one of those murder mystery plays. If there’s a gun in the first act, you know it’s going to go off sometime before the curtain falls.
So, when Will jokes to Tina about how she looks like she’s ready to pop at any moment, it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone when her water breaks.
Right in the middle of coffee and dessert.
Eh, they were planning on getting a new couch anyway.
Tina and Artie insist on making up for the fact that she almost gave birth in their living room by naming the baby William.
“It’s the least we can do, not only because of the couch-which we’ll totally replace, I swear. But also because Artie and I might not have even happened if not for you and Glee. And you’ve been so great subbing for me while I’m out on maternity leave.”
It’s a thoughtful gesture and he’s touched, but there’s a trace of the bittersweet to it. He kind of always figured that a baby named for him would, you know, actually be his.
One day he’s helping Tina load up the car seat and she tells him that he gets the same ‘I want one’ face that Artie’s sister does whenever she spends time with Billy.
“Have you and Finn ever…talked about it?”
“Sort of.”
Vaguely.
Once.
If him mentioning that hypothetically he would like kids someday and Finn just saying ‘Okay, good to know.’ counted as talking about it.
But that was a long time ago.
He’d put the possibility of it up on a shelf because at the time, to be completely honest, Finn was still occasionally a big kid himself and he’d had all of his shit to work through (and now that he’s come out on the other side mostly almost normal and emotionally healthy, he thanks God that he and Terri didn’t have any children because for all his good intentions, he would have fucked that all up beyond recognition.) Then there had been all those real life obstacles of college, and moving, and grad school, and new jobs and oh yes, Carole likely killing him if she even halfway suspected that he was pushing Finn into making a decision like that before he was ready.
Now here they are all these years later. Settled and married. There’s a ring on Finn’s left hand that sometimes still mesmerizes Will when he starts gesturing, telling all about his day. And there’s one on his hand as well and even though he’d worn one before for years (and years longer than he should have) it still amazes him that somehow through some higher power or sheer dumb luck he gets a second shot at this.
It’s not always easy and it’s not happily ever after or maybe it sort of is, maybe it’s just that his definition of happily ever has changed over the years, gotten bigger and more complex.
He loves his husband, he loves his job, he loves his friends, he loves his life. Things are good, things are better than good and he can’t believe he ever thought just trying to make it work, just being ‘happy enough’ was the best he could hope for.
He figures it’s just about perfect until one day he’s watching Finn holding Billy and singing Carry on my Wayward Son, which shouldn’t work as a lullaby but somehow totally does (There’ll be peace when you are done, Don’t you cry no more) and it makes Will’s chest ache and he wants. God, he wants.
But what if it’s too late? What if he takes it off the shelf and it turns out that he got the timing all wrong and missed his chance?
Yes, Finn had been ready and willing to step up and do the right thing for Quinn when he thought she was pregnant with his child, but he’d just been a kid himself then, he hadn’t really understood the enormity of that decision.
Maybe he’s changed his mind. Maybe he’s happy with what they have now, working with ‘his kids’ and being sort of godfathers/cool gay uncles/go-to babysitters for Billy and whatever future Glee-spawn comes along over the years.
That night he asks Finn how he feels about them being parents. (And he’s totally going out on a limb here based on Tina hugging him and whispering that maybe he should try talking about it again because sometimes Finn gets the face, too.)
Finn gives him a million watt grin and says hell, yes. That he loves the idea, that they’ll be awesome parents.
And it’s so tempting, so very tempting to take that and run with it, to not question it. But he’s learned a lot over the years about how falling in love with an idea is about a million light years away from loving the reality, so he has to ask, he has to be sure Finn wants this for all the right reasons.
“This isn’t…this isn’t because of Billy, is it? You aren’t agreeing just because you’ve been enjoying spending time with him, are you? Because making a decision like this based on a few short highly controlled interactions is pretty much the worst mistake on the planet. When it’s yours, you don’t get to give it back and go home.”
First major victory. Finn not getting pissed at him for being patronizing and actually seemingly listening to what he says and taking it seriously.
“No. No, I understand that. I spend most of my day dealing with the fall out of parents who threw their kids away like they were puppies who outgrew the cute factor. I would never be less than fully committed about something like this. As much as I love those kids, and as much as I love Billy, they’re not ours. I want that. The not giving back part. I want that with you. And I have for awhile.”
So, there it is.
Finn crosses the room in two huge steps and kisses him and of course it’s in the kitchen, not the same one as the one from their first kiss, but Will kind of likes the symbolism of it, a new kind of beginning in a new kitchen.
And obviously, being awesome parents isn’t the same as being perfect parents.
They’ll never be perfect parents.
He’s realistic enough to know that because they’re both far from perfect people. But with time and work you can turn out fine without that, so he’s willing to risk it.
**
It’s the night before their initial interview with the social worker (a colleague of a colleague of Finn’s and he never would have guessed that when Finn first announced his change in career it was going to lead to this, one of his co-workers advising them on the intricacies of gay adoption.) and Will wakes up to something poking him in the back and sadly, it’s not in the fun sexy way.
“Will, you up?”
He groans and reluctantly opens one eye. Finn is leaning over him expectantly and clearly does not care that it is…motherfucker, two freaking a.m.
“Course I am, Finn. Didn’t you know? I’m practicing for when we have to do midnight feedings.”
“Oh, good.”
Apparently at night Finn’s ability to detect sarcasm, much like Will’s patience, is severely diminished because he reaches over and turns on the lamp, temporarily blinding Will.
“May I ask what’s so important it couldn’t wait for the morning?”
“Okay, so I’m still with you on this, us having a kid, or getting a kid, which by the way sounds awful, you know, like there they are at the grocery store, a row of babies right next to the cash register beside the gum and all the other impulse purchases, so you might as well because it’s on sale…”
Will senses that this line of thought could go on for awhile, so he puts his hand on Finn’s arm and tells him to take a deep breath.
“Will, we’re going to be gay dads.”
There’s a definite edge of panic in his voice.
“I thought that was…sort of the point?”
“No, Will. Think about it…we’re going to be someone’s two gay dads.”
Finn arches his eyebrows significantly.
“What’s wrong with-Oh. Oh. Yes, well…uh…don’t ever tell her I said this, but, she may be obnoxious at times, and way too intense, and kind of scary ambitious, but she’s got a great heart and she’s a good person. We could do a lot worse than a kid like Rachel.”
What the hell. It’s two a.m. He can be magnanimous right now and if Finn ever calls him on it, he’ll just swear he must have dreamed the whole thing.
“And as for that whole constantly falling for gay guys thing, you know what they say; every little girl seeks out a man who reminds her of her father.”
One glance at Finn and they’re both breaking up, laughing hysterically. Each time they start to calm down, they look at each other and start up again. Once it peters out the occasional odd chuckle and snort, Will asks Finn what this is really all about.
“Are you sure…are you sure I can do this? I mean, yeah when I found out about Quinn, I was upset and angry as hell. But there was also this huge sense of relief, because I wasn’t ready then, nowhere near it. And now I think I am, but that’s not the sort of thing you want to be wrong about, you know? I don’t want to end up buying some therapist a swimming pool someday.”
He thinks about Finn’s hand moving to instinctively cup the back of Billy’s neck when he held him the first time, how he didn’t even bat an eye when Billy threw up all over him about ten minutes later, how Finn is with Max, how he is with all of his cases.
He starts to tell Finn that it’ll be fine, that they’ll be amazing parents, but then he realizes that’s a total cop out. They can hope and pray and read all the parenting books and try to do right by this kid, but he doesn’t know that. All he knows is that Finn’s already worrying in the middle of the night about being the best parent he can to a child who might not even have been born yet, and that has to mean something, right?
“The truth? Ask me a few years ago and I would have said not just no, but hell no. About both of us. In fact, I might even say you were better equipped than me when you were sixteen, because at least you could acknowledge that you weren’t ready and would have screwed it up. I couldn’t admit that to myself and I was supposed to be the adult. And it’s still scary now, and I don’t think either of us could do it on our own, but that’s more of a generalized ‘parenting is hard and braces are really fucking expensive’ fear, not a ‘dear God, won’t someone please think of the children’ sort of thing. We’re going to mess up, Finn. I already know that. But I also know that’s okay because we are going to love this kid so much. And I’m pretty sure the stuff we get right is going to outnumber the stuff we get wrong. So, I figure as long as he or she doesn’t end up on a clock tower or on Jerry Springer, we break even. I’m sorry if that doesn’t really help much.”
“Huh. You know, maybe it shouldn’t be, but you being scared too, it actually kind of does. I like that you aren’t going to give me some line of bull about how it’ll all work out. Cause you and I both know that’s not always the case. But thanks for being confused with me. The company makes it not as bad.”
Will is overcome with a sudden wave of affection and he leans over and kisses the shell of Finn’s ear and throws his arm around Finn’s waist.
“Okay, good. Crisis averted. Sleep now.”
But Finn seems to have other ideas and he starts kissing along his jaw and tugging at Will’s boxers, muttering about how they’re both up now anyway…
“Finn, Mmm. Finn it’s late.”
Even as he’s saying this, he still tilts his head back to give Finn better access. He’s distantly aware that if this keeps up, he’s likely going to be sitting across from the social worker with a hickey on his neck. Oh well, at least it’ll be obvious this isn’t a loveless marriage.
“We need to-we need to-um--oh, fuck.”
“Yes. Totally. I agree completely.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Will’s trying to be the voice of reason about this, but he kind of thinks the way his hands have migrated underneath the waistband of Finn’s boxers might possibly be construed as more of a case of ‘Don’t stop.’ than ‘Don’t, stop.’
“Look, Will. We’re going to be parents soon, right? And that means no sleep, and no time alone, and we’ll both be covered in vomit and snot and formula and if we do have sex, we’re going to have to be quiet about it. So I’m thinking we need to have some loud. Frantic. Headboard banging. Mad crazy. Fucking.” Each of these words is punctuated by a kiss, and at the last Finn sucks at his collarbone, pressing up against Will, achingly hard against his hip.
“Not only that, I think we need to do so as much as possible. Just save it all up. We’ll be like sex camels or something.”
There had been…something…some sort of objection about time, or sleep, or the lateness of the hour, but he’s lost it, it’s gone, disappeared somewhere (sort of like their underwear and when did that happen and why didn’t he notice when it did?), or maybe it got tangled up and caught in the dark sweep of Finn’s eyelashes or the curve of his smile and oh, there’s a sharp hot stab of arousal in the pit of Will’s stomach and a pleasant ache in his chest because he gets this, he gets this forever and he wants, God he wants.
Long loud moan when he rocks up against Finn, push and pull of muscles under his hands, and then without any warning, except maybe in the smug ‘Got ya now’ tilt of his mouth pressing against Finn’s, hooking his leg behind Finn’s knee and flipping them over.
Finn’s startled huff of laughter and over that, almost drowning it out, the very distinct sound of the headboard hitting the wall.
Will lets out a mock resigned sigh.
“Well, I guess if you’re going to insist on it.”
Because really, who is he to argue in the face of such logic? Besides, they are both already awake anyway.
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Will/Finn, mentions of Tina/Artie
Summary: You know how it is, your friends start popping out kids and all of a sudden it gets you to thinking.
AN: Part of my series. And yeah, this is now going in the direction of Will/Finn +kid which I know isn't some people's cup of tea.
It’s like one of those murder mystery plays. If there’s a gun in the first act, you know it’s going to go off sometime before the curtain falls.
So, when Will jokes to Tina about how she looks like she’s ready to pop at any moment, it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone when her water breaks.
Right in the middle of coffee and dessert.
Eh, they were planning on getting a new couch anyway.
Tina and Artie insist on making up for the fact that she almost gave birth in their living room by naming the baby William.
“It’s the least we can do, not only because of the couch-which we’ll totally replace, I swear. But also because Artie and I might not have even happened if not for you and Glee. And you’ve been so great subbing for me while I’m out on maternity leave.”
It’s a thoughtful gesture and he’s touched, but there’s a trace of the bittersweet to it. He kind of always figured that a baby named for him would, you know, actually be his.
One day he’s helping Tina load up the car seat and she tells him that he gets the same ‘I want one’ face that Artie’s sister does whenever she spends time with Billy.
“Have you and Finn ever…talked about it?”
“Sort of.”
Vaguely.
Once.
If him mentioning that hypothetically he would like kids someday and Finn just saying ‘Okay, good to know.’ counted as talking about it.
But that was a long time ago.
He’d put the possibility of it up on a shelf because at the time, to be completely honest, Finn was still occasionally a big kid himself and he’d had all of his shit to work through (and now that he’s come out on the other side mostly almost normal and emotionally healthy, he thanks God that he and Terri didn’t have any children because for all his good intentions, he would have fucked that all up beyond recognition.) Then there had been all those real life obstacles of college, and moving, and grad school, and new jobs and oh yes, Carole likely killing him if she even halfway suspected that he was pushing Finn into making a decision like that before he was ready.
Now here they are all these years later. Settled and married. There’s a ring on Finn’s left hand that sometimes still mesmerizes Will when he starts gesturing, telling all about his day. And there’s one on his hand as well and even though he’d worn one before for years (and years longer than he should have) it still amazes him that somehow through some higher power or sheer dumb luck he gets a second shot at this.
It’s not always easy and it’s not happily ever after or maybe it sort of is, maybe it’s just that his definition of happily ever has changed over the years, gotten bigger and more complex.
He loves his husband, he loves his job, he loves his friends, he loves his life. Things are good, things are better than good and he can’t believe he ever thought just trying to make it work, just being ‘happy enough’ was the best he could hope for.
He figures it’s just about perfect until one day he’s watching Finn holding Billy and singing Carry on my Wayward Son, which shouldn’t work as a lullaby but somehow totally does (There’ll be peace when you are done, Don’t you cry no more) and it makes Will’s chest ache and he wants. God, he wants.
But what if it’s too late? What if he takes it off the shelf and it turns out that he got the timing all wrong and missed his chance?
Yes, Finn had been ready and willing to step up and do the right thing for Quinn when he thought she was pregnant with his child, but he’d just been a kid himself then, he hadn’t really understood the enormity of that decision.
Maybe he’s changed his mind. Maybe he’s happy with what they have now, working with ‘his kids’ and being sort of godfathers/cool gay uncles/go-to babysitters for Billy and whatever future Glee-spawn comes along over the years.
That night he asks Finn how he feels about them being parents. (And he’s totally going out on a limb here based on Tina hugging him and whispering that maybe he should try talking about it again because sometimes Finn gets the face, too.)
Finn gives him a million watt grin and says hell, yes. That he loves the idea, that they’ll be awesome parents.
And it’s so tempting, so very tempting to take that and run with it, to not question it. But he’s learned a lot over the years about how falling in love with an idea is about a million light years away from loving the reality, so he has to ask, he has to be sure Finn wants this for all the right reasons.
“This isn’t…this isn’t because of Billy, is it? You aren’t agreeing just because you’ve been enjoying spending time with him, are you? Because making a decision like this based on a few short highly controlled interactions is pretty much the worst mistake on the planet. When it’s yours, you don’t get to give it back and go home.”
First major victory. Finn not getting pissed at him for being patronizing and actually seemingly listening to what he says and taking it seriously.
“No. No, I understand that. I spend most of my day dealing with the fall out of parents who threw their kids away like they were puppies who outgrew the cute factor. I would never be less than fully committed about something like this. As much as I love those kids, and as much as I love Billy, they’re not ours. I want that. The not giving back part. I want that with you. And I have for awhile.”
So, there it is.
Finn crosses the room in two huge steps and kisses him and of course it’s in the kitchen, not the same one as the one from their first kiss, but Will kind of likes the symbolism of it, a new kind of beginning in a new kitchen.
And obviously, being awesome parents isn’t the same as being perfect parents.
They’ll never be perfect parents.
He’s realistic enough to know that because they’re both far from perfect people. But with time and work you can turn out fine without that, so he’s willing to risk it.
**
It’s the night before their initial interview with the social worker (a colleague of a colleague of Finn’s and he never would have guessed that when Finn first announced his change in career it was going to lead to this, one of his co-workers advising them on the intricacies of gay adoption.) and Will wakes up to something poking him in the back and sadly, it’s not in the fun sexy way.
“Will, you up?”
He groans and reluctantly opens one eye. Finn is leaning over him expectantly and clearly does not care that it is…motherfucker, two freaking a.m.
“Course I am, Finn. Didn’t you know? I’m practicing for when we have to do midnight feedings.”
“Oh, good.”
Apparently at night Finn’s ability to detect sarcasm, much like Will’s patience, is severely diminished because he reaches over and turns on the lamp, temporarily blinding Will.
“May I ask what’s so important it couldn’t wait for the morning?”
“Okay, so I’m still with you on this, us having a kid, or getting a kid, which by the way sounds awful, you know, like there they are at the grocery store, a row of babies right next to the cash register beside the gum and all the other impulse purchases, so you might as well because it’s on sale…”
Will senses that this line of thought could go on for awhile, so he puts his hand on Finn’s arm and tells him to take a deep breath.
“Will, we’re going to be gay dads.”
There’s a definite edge of panic in his voice.
“I thought that was…sort of the point?”
“No, Will. Think about it…we’re going to be someone’s two gay dads.”
Finn arches his eyebrows significantly.
“What’s wrong with-Oh. Oh. Yes, well…uh…don’t ever tell her I said this, but, she may be obnoxious at times, and way too intense, and kind of scary ambitious, but she’s got a great heart and she’s a good person. We could do a lot worse than a kid like Rachel.”
What the hell. It’s two a.m. He can be magnanimous right now and if Finn ever calls him on it, he’ll just swear he must have dreamed the whole thing.
“And as for that whole constantly falling for gay guys thing, you know what they say; every little girl seeks out a man who reminds her of her father.”
One glance at Finn and they’re both breaking up, laughing hysterically. Each time they start to calm down, they look at each other and start up again. Once it peters out the occasional odd chuckle and snort, Will asks Finn what this is really all about.
“Are you sure…are you sure I can do this? I mean, yeah when I found out about Quinn, I was upset and angry as hell. But there was also this huge sense of relief, because I wasn’t ready then, nowhere near it. And now I think I am, but that’s not the sort of thing you want to be wrong about, you know? I don’t want to end up buying some therapist a swimming pool someday.”
He thinks about Finn’s hand moving to instinctively cup the back of Billy’s neck when he held him the first time, how he didn’t even bat an eye when Billy threw up all over him about ten minutes later, how Finn is with Max, how he is with all of his cases.
He starts to tell Finn that it’ll be fine, that they’ll be amazing parents, but then he realizes that’s a total cop out. They can hope and pray and read all the parenting books and try to do right by this kid, but he doesn’t know that. All he knows is that Finn’s already worrying in the middle of the night about being the best parent he can to a child who might not even have been born yet, and that has to mean something, right?
“The truth? Ask me a few years ago and I would have said not just no, but hell no. About both of us. In fact, I might even say you were better equipped than me when you were sixteen, because at least you could acknowledge that you weren’t ready and would have screwed it up. I couldn’t admit that to myself and I was supposed to be the adult. And it’s still scary now, and I don’t think either of us could do it on our own, but that’s more of a generalized ‘parenting is hard and braces are really fucking expensive’ fear, not a ‘dear God, won’t someone please think of the children’ sort of thing. We’re going to mess up, Finn. I already know that. But I also know that’s okay because we are going to love this kid so much. And I’m pretty sure the stuff we get right is going to outnumber the stuff we get wrong. So, I figure as long as he or she doesn’t end up on a clock tower or on Jerry Springer, we break even. I’m sorry if that doesn’t really help much.”
“Huh. You know, maybe it shouldn’t be, but you being scared too, it actually kind of does. I like that you aren’t going to give me some line of bull about how it’ll all work out. Cause you and I both know that’s not always the case. But thanks for being confused with me. The company makes it not as bad.”
Will is overcome with a sudden wave of affection and he leans over and kisses the shell of Finn’s ear and throws his arm around Finn’s waist.
“Okay, good. Crisis averted. Sleep now.”
But Finn seems to have other ideas and he starts kissing along his jaw and tugging at Will’s boxers, muttering about how they’re both up now anyway…
“Finn, Mmm. Finn it’s late.”
Even as he’s saying this, he still tilts his head back to give Finn better access. He’s distantly aware that if this keeps up, he’s likely going to be sitting across from the social worker with a hickey on his neck. Oh well, at least it’ll be obvious this isn’t a loveless marriage.
“We need to-we need to-um--oh, fuck.”
“Yes. Totally. I agree completely.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Will’s trying to be the voice of reason about this, but he kind of thinks the way his hands have migrated underneath the waistband of Finn’s boxers might possibly be construed as more of a case of ‘Don’t stop.’ than ‘Don’t, stop.’
“Look, Will. We’re going to be parents soon, right? And that means no sleep, and no time alone, and we’ll both be covered in vomit and snot and formula and if we do have sex, we’re going to have to be quiet about it. So I’m thinking we need to have some loud. Frantic. Headboard banging. Mad crazy. Fucking.” Each of these words is punctuated by a kiss, and at the last Finn sucks at his collarbone, pressing up against Will, achingly hard against his hip.
“Not only that, I think we need to do so as much as possible. Just save it all up. We’ll be like sex camels or something.”
There had been…something…some sort of objection about time, or sleep, or the lateness of the hour, but he’s lost it, it’s gone, disappeared somewhere (sort of like their underwear and when did that happen and why didn’t he notice when it did?), or maybe it got tangled up and caught in the dark sweep of Finn’s eyelashes or the curve of his smile and oh, there’s a sharp hot stab of arousal in the pit of Will’s stomach and a pleasant ache in his chest because he gets this, he gets this forever and he wants, God he wants.
Long loud moan when he rocks up against Finn, push and pull of muscles under his hands, and then without any warning, except maybe in the smug ‘Got ya now’ tilt of his mouth pressing against Finn’s, hooking his leg behind Finn’s knee and flipping them over.
Finn’s startled huff of laughter and over that, almost drowning it out, the very distinct sound of the headboard hitting the wall.
Will lets out a mock resigned sigh.
“Well, I guess if you’re going to insist on it.”
Because really, who is he to argue in the face of such logic? Besides, they are both already awake anyway.