Generic Christmas Fic!
Title: All I want for Christmas (1/2?)
Rating: PG?
Spoilers: Pretty much all episodes so far.
Word Count: 4,135
Pairings: Pre-Winn, vague mentions of various other canon pairings/unrequited pairings.
Summary: It’s the first Hudmel Christmas and the recent events of Finn’s life culminate in a few choice decisions. Kurt decides to help (Is that vague enough?).
A/N: First off a round of apologies are in order: I’m not too familiar with Christmas crackers so apologies for the liberties I have taken with the details. Also I think I stole the Ireland thing from someone on here but I don’t remember from where, more apologies. And the final apology is for shameless plot advancers and any out of character-ness. The fic wasn’t planned so it’s pretty unrefined and all over the place. This actually started with chapter two (which hopefully will be written soon) but it demanded a prequel before I could flesh it out, so here it is. Just think of it as a late Christmas present for all. Enjoy. (Also, a contributor tag would be greatly appreciated.)
“Thank god we finally managed to get away from that nightmare,” Kurt sighed and rubbed his stinging cheeks as he descended the stairs into his new basement bedroom. The genteel young man walked across the large room and settled on his platinum duvet.
“Yeah, I love Christmas except when you have to see weird old family members, and new ones too,” Finn agreed as he plopped down on a rather plush lounge chair.
“I agree. Your mom’s uncle Patrick is frightening, and for an old man he’s really tall. Aren’t people supposed to shrink as they get older? To be honest at first I thought you had some kind of glandular condition.”
“Nah, people on both sides of my family are tall, especially the one’s in Europe from my dad’s side.”
Kurt’s eyebrow rose and he wondered idly how he never thought to ask about Finn’s family before. “What part of Europe?”
“Next to England I think, the really green one with the leprechauns,” Finn furrowed his brow as he scratched his head trying to remember details half listened to.
“Ireland?” Kurt asked in surprise.
“Yeah that’s the place,” Finn claimed with a wide grin.
“No wonder you knew about those Christmas crackers.”
Kurt then held up the two brightly decorated tubes that he had stowed under his pillow early on during the new family Christmas party. He walked over to Finn holding a cracker in each hand.
“Yeah it was cool of your aunt Mildred to bring some, but man she is brutal once she starts drinking her spiked tea, can you feel your cheeks yet? I think mine are dead.”
Finn rubbed his still crimson cheeks before be grabbed hold of the remaining ends and helped Kurt pull apart the crackers. Two small pops and Finn quickly put on his red paper crown. Once he felt it was secure, he reached to pick up Kurt’s purple hat from the floor but Kurt shuffled away quickly.
“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to mess up my hair for a cheap tissue paper crown. It’s tiaras or nothing.” Kurt motioned to pat his hair down as if the mere thought would cause his hair to fall astray.
Finn chuckled as he watched Kurt sit back on his bed, well out of reach of crowns and stepbrothers. He reached back into the tube and pulled out a yellow plastic object. He turned it over in his hand and held it up for Kurt to see.
“I think it’s a plastic dog. Or maybe a rat.”
Kurt made a face as he glanced up from reading the slip from inside his cracker, “What does your joke say? Mine is about a duck and a bullfrog that doesn’t make any sense at all.”
Finn held up his slip and read, “ ‘Wish for your hearts desire and it will come true this Christmas.’ Wait, I thought they were supposed to have jokes in them. I think I got the fortune cookie version.”
“That’s weird,” Kurt agreed. “Speaking of which, what is your heart’s desire Finn?” He teased with a grin.
“Uh….”
“Don’t be shy Finn, what were you hoping Santa would bring you this year?”
Kurt looked up from his cracker version of chutes and ladders when Finn failed to respond. At Finn’s solemn expression Kurt began to worry.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No it’s just…” Finn idly prodded his crown as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Are you okay Finn? You look like someone just told you that you couldn’t get a puppy for Christmas.”
Finn managed a sad little grin and a hollow chuckle. “Yeah, something like that.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt leaned forward now deeply troubled by how strange Finn was acting.
“It’s just been a pretty shitty year and I’m just kind of trying to keep it all together for the sake of Christmas.”
“Well, I know I haven’t been around lately but I’m here now and you can talk to me all about it okay.”
“I know and I really appreciate it but I feel like there’s something wrong with me and it doesn’t feel like blabbing about it is going to help.”
“What do you mean that there’s something wrong with you? You’re perfectly fine Finn.” Kurt watched Finn wrap his arms around himself and knew that he wasn’t fine at all.
“I don’t know. I just feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore you know? No. Not that I can’t trust anyone but that I can’t trust myself.”
“Tell me what that means Finn.”
“I’ve made so many wrong choices and I’ve lied to myself about them. I feel like I can’t trust the person I am anymore. The Finn I am doesn’t want me to be happy. He wants to be normal. I’m sick of it. It’s time I change that.”
“Change how? I don’t understand.” Kurt watched Finn as he fell silent. After a minute Finn nodded to himself and his resolved expression quickly formed into a grin that made Kurt sigh in relief.
“Okay. I’m ready for you to ask me again.”
Kurt relaxed his clenched fingers and looked Finn in the eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m ready for your question about the cracker-fortune cookie thing.”
“Okay… what is your heart’s desire?” Kurt said slowly. He was glad Finn didn’t look depressed anymore but now he was acting a little weird.
“My true love.” The teen made sure not to make eye contact as his cheeks reddened.
“What? That sounds really Disney inspired Finn. Have you been drinking? Oh my god, you got into aunt Mildred’s suitcase didn’t you?” Kurt tried to lighten the mood but he actually looked serious for a second.
Finn’s loud laugh broke the residual bad atmosphere and he turned away a little embarrassed, “No, although I did sneak some champagne. The bubbles make me sneeze.”
“How many glasses did you have?”
“Only two.”
“Oh dear… No more drinking for you it makes you act really strange.”
“Don’t worry it was hours ago and I know from experience that I’m not a lightweight, I guess I can thank Puck for that. Now back to my true love!” Finn’s casual smile brightened.
“Wait, wait, I thought you called it off with Rachel.” Kurt wondered how ‘change’ had anything to do with this.
“I said TRUE love.” Finn looked expectantly at his new brother, as if that cleared up any confusion.
“Uh, Santana?” Kurt blindly guessed.
Finn scoffed. “No it’s uh… I guess it’s about time I tell you this…” he took a deep breath before continuing, “it’s Mr. Schue.”
“Come, again?”
“Mr. Schue.”
“Come again?”
“My true love is Mr. Schue.”
“One more time.”
“C’mon Kurt! This is supposed to my big ‘maybe I’m not so straight - I can tell you now that we’re best brothers - coming out thing’.”
The smaller teen sat up and crossed his arms before speaking, “Nah, I’m not buying it.”
“What?” Finn blinked.
“I’m not buying it. You’ve known I was gay for how long? Hell you thought I was gay for longer than that. Then you totally shot me down before I could even ask, and you treated me like a predator after that. On top of it all you’ve been there for all the shit that I went through at school and with Karofsky, and now you’re telling me you’re gay?”
“Well….” Finn just sat still not really knowing what to say.
“Oh for the love of Christ Finn! Come over here I’m going to slap you!”
The tall boy shuffled over to the now furious looking Kurt.
“OW!”
“You deserved that, and you were dumb enough to actually come over.”
Finn nodded before he pulled his brother’s small frame into a hug that begged for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry, I’m not as brave as you are. I was still trying to figure it all out and I didn’t want to lead you on if I admitted that I did like guys since I didn’t see you like that. And besides the freak out I had on you - which again I am so sorry about - I have always had your back as much as I could. I know that’s not a good excuse but it’s the truth.”
“I think you cracked one of my ribs,“ Kurt managed to breath in enough air to speak through Finn’s tight squeeze.
“Sorry,” Finn grinned sheepishly as he let the teen go.
After a few deep breaths the small teen turned his attention back to his brother, “Well why now?”
“Why now what?”
“Oh c’mon Finn, don’t mess with me. Dish.”
Finn sighed and prepared for the long explanation, “Well for one, I finally ended things with Rachel. It was shitty what she did and I wont forgive her but in the end I’m kind of glad for an excuse. This way it was her fault for us breaking up and it wasn’t me having to breaking her heart.”
“That’s…thoughtful. But I thought you really loved her,” Kurt sat back down on his bed assuming this would take a while.
“I thought I did. I don’t know. It’s like she’s one of those mermaid chicks who kill sailors by singing to them, you know. She drew me in, from the beginning she was always nice and I thought she cared about my feelings. She always wanted me to be a good guy. And she’s an amazing singer.”
Finn noticed Kurt’s crossed arms and raised eyebrow and panicked, “Uh, you voice is amazing too, and you’re just as talented and you dress real nice…”
“Shut up,” Kurt rolled his eyes and dropped his arms in acceptance.
“Sorry.” Finn wandered back to his seat.
“Okay tell me, that still doesn’t explain how you’re gay all of a sudden and oh my god did I just forget that you said you were in love with Mr. Schuester?”
“Uh, yeah I told you like three times,” Finn replied slowly, looking down at Kurt’s fancy rug so as not to blush again from the scrutinizing look on his face.
“Well I’m sorry I was distracted by the fact that you had just admitted the one thing I would have sold my soul to hear last year. Oh ew! I’m totally over you; I just remembered what I used to fantasize about what happened after that. Oh lord I need a drink,” Kurt shuddered for a second before he recomposed himself, “alright continue.”
Finn grinned sheepishly again and continued, “Well when I was growing up I always wanted to find a true love you know, one that would love me as much as my mom loved my dad. So I created this list of what I wanted in a perfect girlfriend. It started out short with some stupid stuff. She had to be super hot. She had to have nice hair. And she had to have long legs and big boobs. I know it’s stupid but I came up with it when I was thirteen and Puck helped me.”
“I see,” the teen crossed his arms in mild distaste.
“I’ve sort of been changing it ever since. I took out the big boobs part because did you see Keira Knightley in those pirate movies. She was hot even with no boobs and so many clothes on.”
Not seeing where this was going Kurt interrupted, “This isn’t really fitting your whole ‘gay and in love with your teacher all of a sudden’ story.”
“I’m getting to that,” Finn said as he tried not to look directly at Kurt.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Well so like I said my list kept changing but it sort of stuck about a year ago. I didn’t know why and at first I thought it was because I started to like Rachel, but they don’t all match her.” Finn reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. When he found the right piece of paper he handed it over to his brother.
Kurt pulled it open to see a whole bunch of crossed out lines and rearranged sentences. Between the crossed out scribbles several clean lines stood out.
My true love
Has to be attractive.
Has to have a smokin’ body.
Has to have a really nice butt.
Has to have an amazing voice.
Has to have hair that I want to run my hands through all the time.
Has to be nice.
Has to make me smile for no reason.
Has to know when I need help, and want to help me.
Has to not try to be perfect.
Has to care about what I feel.
Has to be willing to care for others.
Has to hope that I do the right thing but doesn’t resent me when I don’t.
Has to make me risk it all without question.
Has to make me not care whether they fit the list or not.
“Yeah she hardly fits any of these,” Kurt said cautiously, not totally sure how he felt about the list. “I don’t care what you say but she’s homely. I’m not even going to think about the next two. I’ll admit she has a nice voice but did you really think she would let you run your hands through her hair?”
“No, the one time I tried she slapped my hand away.”
Kurt stood to hand the list back and put a hand on Finn’s shoulder to lessen his words, “Don’t you think it’s a little weird having a list about whom you will and will not date? It’s kind of shallow Finn.”
“Yeah I know. I never took it too seriously, and that’s kind of why I put the last one on there. Besides I would never let the list stop me from dating anyone I thought I liked.”
Kurt leaned against his desk, now closer to Finn for support as he seemed to be stalling for time.
“So you realized Rachel didn’t fit the list, especially the last one?” Kurt tried to encourage the answers out.
Finn shook his head, “No, I told you the list didn’t really matter to me until I realized who I was thinking about when I would change or add something to the list.”
“Mr. Schue?”
“Well yeah. I mean I noticed him back when I was a freshman, but I didn’t really think about what that meant until I had him for Spanish and the list really started to change. I kind of slowly realized I liked him right before glee started. By that time I was already with Quinn so I just pushed this weird new thing about myself away before I could freak out. It’s a big reason why I came back to glee after he planned to leave that one time. He was going to be gone and deep down I wanted to be part of something he really loved even if he wasn’t in it.
“I’m not the kind of guy who cheats so I didn’t really think about it too much and my feelings for him just kind of developed in the background until they seemed normal and I didn’t need to freak out about them. Then after the whole Quinn/Puck baby disaster I didn’t want to think about that because I kept crying like a little girl so I went back to thinking about my weird gay feelings for Mr. Schue. It kind of scared me because I realized I liked him more than I ever cared about Quinn and I thought I loved her. I had never felt like that so I kind of let myself get snared by Rachel because she was nice and cared about my feelings just like Mr. Schue. I guess she was like a safe-not so scary feelings-version of Mr. Schue.”
“She’s hardly like Mr. Schuester,” Kurt said to break up the rambling.
Finn sighed and finally noticed that sometime during his speech he had started pacing the room.
“I know I was lying to myself but I started to kind of like Rachel too. Except I realized that I knew that wasn’t completely true. I didn’t accept how much I was really in love with Will until all I wanted was to be with him when I was with anyone else. Hell I think about him all the time. With Quinn and Rachel I thought about them too but I always liked the time I could escape from their chickbattyness. With Will I wouldn’t mind it if we were handcuffed together forever in a totally not kinky way. Which I know is really mean to Rachel and Quinn but it’s the truth. But I couldn’t do anything about it then. I was with Rachel and I thought I was going to be stuck there ‘cause I liked her enough not to want to break her heart. And then she went out and cheated on me with Puck. I realized how unlike Mr. Schue she was. So, I broke it off for good and now I’m making the decision to become this new person and stop lying to myself.”
Finn stopped his pacing and turned to stick out his hand to Kurt, who had been listening intently.
“Hi, My name is Finn Hudson and I’m totally in gaylove with my high school teacher Mr. Schuester and I’m totally okay with that. It’s nice to meet you. And you are?”
“Seriously going to cry,” Kurt replied at Finn’s awkward but heartfelt confession. “That’s probably the most honest I’ve ever heard you be Finn,” Kurt said rubbing his damp eyes before finally shaking his brother’s hand.
“It’s really nice to meet this new honest Finn. You’ve really grown into a responsible and admirable man.”
Finn laughed and gave his brother another hug mindful of his strength.
Kurt pulled away and tried to act annoyed so he wouldn’t cry, “Enough hugging you’re going to wrinkle my cashmere sweater.”
“Sorry.”
Safely away from his brothers crushing hugs Kurt realized it was his turn to speak.
“Not that your undying love for someone isn’t very sweet and tender-not that I would approve anyway because he’s your teacher and you’re his student- but do you really think it would work out? No matter how much you love him there’s still that big teacher/student wall that’s going to stop you from being together. And I know the legal age of consent here is 16 but I don’t think Mr. Schue is the kind of guy who would cross that line. I mean he’s not even gay.”
“How would you know?”
“I have gaydar of coarse,” Kurt punctuated his comment with his hands on his hips.
“Then how come you didn’t know about me?” Finn grinned.
Briefly thinking of Karofsky, “Touché, I guess I don’t have gaydar. But think about it Finn, he was married for five years and only broke it off because she was insane. And he’s always liked Mrs. Pillsbury. I don’t think he’s completely over her yet, you told me about how down he’s been ever since he found about her being married to hot dentist Carl.”
“I don’t want to be the rebound guy, but I think if I hint that I’m interested and just be there for him that eventually, maybe after I graduate, we could be great together.”
“Oh Finn. You still don’t know if he’s gay.” Kurt couldn’t doubt Finn’s feelings but he did doubt that this would end so well.
“I’m not blind and I’m also not that stupid, even though it seems like it most of the time. I see the way he looks at me sometimes, like he’s scared of something and then he hides it with one of his amazing smiles. And don’t forget about the touching,” Finn couldn’t help but grin as he remembered all those casual touches and the rare almost gropes.
“Oh you noticed that too?” Kurt asked mildly impressed.
“See!”
“I just thought he was a touchy feely kind of guy and you honestly look like you’re in your late twenties sometimes so I thought he just unconsciously felt okay with touching you more than the rest of us. Yeah okay, that does sound pretty gay,” he had to admit.
“Yes! I knew I wasn’t just making it up in my head! He’s totally into me.”
Finn’s grin actually looked painful the way it stretched so wide.
“Wait, a couple of looks and casual gropes doesn’t mean he’s okay with being involved with one of his male students.”
“What about all of the times that I touched him and he never pushed me away or looked like he was uncomfortable?” Finn’s grin stretched even father in triumph.
“Well there is that,” Kurt couldn’t help but admit that there was something to that.
Both teens knew the conversation had taken a lighter turn so they both ran with it.
“So how are you going to confess to Mr. Schuester that you are in love with him?”
Finn shook his head in confusion, “Huh?”
“How are we going to get Mr. Schuester and you together Finn? We need a plan.”
“Wait, I thought you had a problem with the student teacher thing.”
“I am, mostly, but I’ve had my fair share of unrequited loves. There was Bobby from middle school, you, and then Pu… uhm. I mean Sa… uhm and now finally Blaine. My love life has been full of wanting guys that I couldn’t have. I would have killed for any sign for the go ahead.”
“I’m sorry about that,” Finn refrained from hugging his brother again to protect his nice sweater.
“It’s okay I’m still young. Anyway, it is inappropriate and I should disapprove, but I don’t think he’s the kind of creep that would take advantage of that. He doesn’t seem like a predator. I mean he’s the hottest teacher in school; he’s probably had droves of students that would kill to be with him. You saw how appropriate he acted when Rachel had that crush on him. He shot her down, put her in her place and never thought to take advantage. I mean it was Rachel, but still.”
Finn’s grin had slipped off of his face by now, “Now I’m not so sure he would ever admit to liking me.”
Kurt stood straight with confidence, “That’s why we need a plan for you to seduce Mr. Schue. If he admits to liking you then you know it’s real since he would never admit that to any other of his students. And if he doesn’t - and Finn there is a big possibility he might not - I’ll be here if you need a shoulder to cry on.”
“Okay then what’s the plan,” Finn asked with a renewed sense of excitement.
“I got it. Hold on I’ll be right back.”
Finn watched his brother scurry up the stairs and then return five minutes later winded but safe from aunt Mildred’s overly strong fingers.
“Here,” Kurt handed over a bushel of mistletoe.
“Uh okay,” Finn then planted a kiss on Kurt’s cheek.
“Ew, what was that for?” Kurt demanded wiping at his face.
“I thought that’s what the mistletoe was for,” Finn sat back on the lounge chair with his hand firmly on the leaves.
“No it’s for Mr. Schuester, you did say he was alone on Christmas right? Well you can go over there and get him to kiss you. If he seems to like it then there might be a chance, but if it seems like he didn’t enjoy it then you can come back here and cry. I also got a box full of your mom’s famous cookies to sweeten the deal.”
“You are awesome Kurt. I’m so lucky to have you as a brother.”
“Don’t you dare hug me again!”
“I wont but thank you for really understanding. Now I need to figure out how to sneak out without getting mauled by your aunt’s Superman fingers or my mom.”
“Leave aunt Mildred to me and if your mom asks I’ll say you’re taking a nap or you went to Puck’s house to get away from our crazy family.”
“You’re amazing you know that. I totally owe you man.”
“I’m your brother, It’s my job,” Kurt grinned at his new brother. “Now let’s go before It’s too late.”
They both snuck up the stairs and stopped before they separated.
“Kurt, next time we’ll talk about this Blaine guy okay? We’ll come up with a plan then.”
Kurt gave a gentle nod before he launched himself straight for aunt Mildred’s twitching fingers in the living room full of people. His sacrifice was successful as Finn managed to slip out of the front door, mistletoe and cookies in one hand, car keys in another.
tbc.
Rating: PG?
Spoilers: Pretty much all episodes so far.
Word Count: 4,135
Pairings: Pre-Winn, vague mentions of various other canon pairings/unrequited pairings.
Summary: It’s the first Hudmel Christmas and the recent events of Finn’s life culminate in a few choice decisions. Kurt decides to help (Is that vague enough?).
A/N: First off a round of apologies are in order: I’m not too familiar with Christmas crackers so apologies for the liberties I have taken with the details. Also I think I stole the Ireland thing from someone on here but I don’t remember from where, more apologies. And the final apology is for shameless plot advancers and any out of character-ness. The fic wasn’t planned so it’s pretty unrefined and all over the place. This actually started with chapter two (which hopefully will be written soon) but it demanded a prequel before I could flesh it out, so here it is. Just think of it as a late Christmas present for all. Enjoy. (Also, a contributor tag would be greatly appreciated.)
“Thank god we finally managed to get away from that nightmare,” Kurt sighed and rubbed his stinging cheeks as he descended the stairs into his new basement bedroom. The genteel young man walked across the large room and settled on his platinum duvet.
“Yeah, I love Christmas except when you have to see weird old family members, and new ones too,” Finn agreed as he plopped down on a rather plush lounge chair.
“I agree. Your mom’s uncle Patrick is frightening, and for an old man he’s really tall. Aren’t people supposed to shrink as they get older? To be honest at first I thought you had some kind of glandular condition.”
“Nah, people on both sides of my family are tall, especially the one’s in Europe from my dad’s side.”
Kurt’s eyebrow rose and he wondered idly how he never thought to ask about Finn’s family before. “What part of Europe?”
“Next to England I think, the really green one with the leprechauns,” Finn furrowed his brow as he scratched his head trying to remember details half listened to.
“Ireland?” Kurt asked in surprise.
“Yeah that’s the place,” Finn claimed with a wide grin.
“No wonder you knew about those Christmas crackers.”
Kurt then held up the two brightly decorated tubes that he had stowed under his pillow early on during the new family Christmas party. He walked over to Finn holding a cracker in each hand.
“Yeah it was cool of your aunt Mildred to bring some, but man she is brutal once she starts drinking her spiked tea, can you feel your cheeks yet? I think mine are dead.”
Finn rubbed his still crimson cheeks before be grabbed hold of the remaining ends and helped Kurt pull apart the crackers. Two small pops and Finn quickly put on his red paper crown. Once he felt it was secure, he reached to pick up Kurt’s purple hat from the floor but Kurt shuffled away quickly.
“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to mess up my hair for a cheap tissue paper crown. It’s tiaras or nothing.” Kurt motioned to pat his hair down as if the mere thought would cause his hair to fall astray.
Finn chuckled as he watched Kurt sit back on his bed, well out of reach of crowns and stepbrothers. He reached back into the tube and pulled out a yellow plastic object. He turned it over in his hand and held it up for Kurt to see.
“I think it’s a plastic dog. Or maybe a rat.”
Kurt made a face as he glanced up from reading the slip from inside his cracker, “What does your joke say? Mine is about a duck and a bullfrog that doesn’t make any sense at all.”
Finn held up his slip and read, “ ‘Wish for your hearts desire and it will come true this Christmas.’ Wait, I thought they were supposed to have jokes in them. I think I got the fortune cookie version.”
“That’s weird,” Kurt agreed. “Speaking of which, what is your heart’s desire Finn?” He teased with a grin.
“Uh….”
“Don’t be shy Finn, what were you hoping Santa would bring you this year?”
Kurt looked up from his cracker version of chutes and ladders when Finn failed to respond. At Finn’s solemn expression Kurt began to worry.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No it’s just…” Finn idly prodded his crown as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Are you okay Finn? You look like someone just told you that you couldn’t get a puppy for Christmas.”
Finn managed a sad little grin and a hollow chuckle. “Yeah, something like that.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt leaned forward now deeply troubled by how strange Finn was acting.
“It’s just been a pretty shitty year and I’m just kind of trying to keep it all together for the sake of Christmas.”
“Well, I know I haven’t been around lately but I’m here now and you can talk to me all about it okay.”
“I know and I really appreciate it but I feel like there’s something wrong with me and it doesn’t feel like blabbing about it is going to help.”
“What do you mean that there’s something wrong with you? You’re perfectly fine Finn.” Kurt watched Finn wrap his arms around himself and knew that he wasn’t fine at all.
“I don’t know. I just feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore you know? No. Not that I can’t trust anyone but that I can’t trust myself.”
“Tell me what that means Finn.”
“I’ve made so many wrong choices and I’ve lied to myself about them. I feel like I can’t trust the person I am anymore. The Finn I am doesn’t want me to be happy. He wants to be normal. I’m sick of it. It’s time I change that.”
“Change how? I don’t understand.” Kurt watched Finn as he fell silent. After a minute Finn nodded to himself and his resolved expression quickly formed into a grin that made Kurt sigh in relief.
“Okay. I’m ready for you to ask me again.”
Kurt relaxed his clenched fingers and looked Finn in the eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m ready for your question about the cracker-fortune cookie thing.”
“Okay… what is your heart’s desire?” Kurt said slowly. He was glad Finn didn’t look depressed anymore but now he was acting a little weird.
“My true love.” The teen made sure not to make eye contact as his cheeks reddened.
“What? That sounds really Disney inspired Finn. Have you been drinking? Oh my god, you got into aunt Mildred’s suitcase didn’t you?” Kurt tried to lighten the mood but he actually looked serious for a second.
Finn’s loud laugh broke the residual bad atmosphere and he turned away a little embarrassed, “No, although I did sneak some champagne. The bubbles make me sneeze.”
“How many glasses did you have?”
“Only two.”
“Oh dear… No more drinking for you it makes you act really strange.”
“Don’t worry it was hours ago and I know from experience that I’m not a lightweight, I guess I can thank Puck for that. Now back to my true love!” Finn’s casual smile brightened.
“Wait, wait, I thought you called it off with Rachel.” Kurt wondered how ‘change’ had anything to do with this.
“I said TRUE love.” Finn looked expectantly at his new brother, as if that cleared up any confusion.
“Uh, Santana?” Kurt blindly guessed.
Finn scoffed. “No it’s uh… I guess it’s about time I tell you this…” he took a deep breath before continuing, “it’s Mr. Schue.”
“Come, again?”
“Mr. Schue.”
“Come again?”
“My true love is Mr. Schue.”
“One more time.”
“C’mon Kurt! This is supposed to my big ‘maybe I’m not so straight - I can tell you now that we’re best brothers - coming out thing’.”
The smaller teen sat up and crossed his arms before speaking, “Nah, I’m not buying it.”
“What?” Finn blinked.
“I’m not buying it. You’ve known I was gay for how long? Hell you thought I was gay for longer than that. Then you totally shot me down before I could even ask, and you treated me like a predator after that. On top of it all you’ve been there for all the shit that I went through at school and with Karofsky, and now you’re telling me you’re gay?”
“Well….” Finn just sat still not really knowing what to say.
“Oh for the love of Christ Finn! Come over here I’m going to slap you!”
The tall boy shuffled over to the now furious looking Kurt.
“OW!”
“You deserved that, and you were dumb enough to actually come over.”
Finn nodded before he pulled his brother’s small frame into a hug that begged for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry, I’m not as brave as you are. I was still trying to figure it all out and I didn’t want to lead you on if I admitted that I did like guys since I didn’t see you like that. And besides the freak out I had on you - which again I am so sorry about - I have always had your back as much as I could. I know that’s not a good excuse but it’s the truth.”
“I think you cracked one of my ribs,“ Kurt managed to breath in enough air to speak through Finn’s tight squeeze.
“Sorry,” Finn grinned sheepishly as he let the teen go.
After a few deep breaths the small teen turned his attention back to his brother, “Well why now?”
“Why now what?”
“Oh c’mon Finn, don’t mess with me. Dish.”
Finn sighed and prepared for the long explanation, “Well for one, I finally ended things with Rachel. It was shitty what she did and I wont forgive her but in the end I’m kind of glad for an excuse. This way it was her fault for us breaking up and it wasn’t me having to breaking her heart.”
“That’s…thoughtful. But I thought you really loved her,” Kurt sat back down on his bed assuming this would take a while.
“I thought I did. I don’t know. It’s like she’s one of those mermaid chicks who kill sailors by singing to them, you know. She drew me in, from the beginning she was always nice and I thought she cared about my feelings. She always wanted me to be a good guy. And she’s an amazing singer.”
Finn noticed Kurt’s crossed arms and raised eyebrow and panicked, “Uh, you voice is amazing too, and you’re just as talented and you dress real nice…”
“Shut up,” Kurt rolled his eyes and dropped his arms in acceptance.
“Sorry.” Finn wandered back to his seat.
“Okay tell me, that still doesn’t explain how you’re gay all of a sudden and oh my god did I just forget that you said you were in love with Mr. Schuester?”
“Uh, yeah I told you like three times,” Finn replied slowly, looking down at Kurt’s fancy rug so as not to blush again from the scrutinizing look on his face.
“Well I’m sorry I was distracted by the fact that you had just admitted the one thing I would have sold my soul to hear last year. Oh ew! I’m totally over you; I just remembered what I used to fantasize about what happened after that. Oh lord I need a drink,” Kurt shuddered for a second before he recomposed himself, “alright continue.”
Finn grinned sheepishly again and continued, “Well when I was growing up I always wanted to find a true love you know, one that would love me as much as my mom loved my dad. So I created this list of what I wanted in a perfect girlfriend. It started out short with some stupid stuff. She had to be super hot. She had to have nice hair. And she had to have long legs and big boobs. I know it’s stupid but I came up with it when I was thirteen and Puck helped me.”
“I see,” the teen crossed his arms in mild distaste.
“I’ve sort of been changing it ever since. I took out the big boobs part because did you see Keira Knightley in those pirate movies. She was hot even with no boobs and so many clothes on.”
Not seeing where this was going Kurt interrupted, “This isn’t really fitting your whole ‘gay and in love with your teacher all of a sudden’ story.”
“I’m getting to that,” Finn said as he tried not to look directly at Kurt.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Well so like I said my list kept changing but it sort of stuck about a year ago. I didn’t know why and at first I thought it was because I started to like Rachel, but they don’t all match her.” Finn reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. When he found the right piece of paper he handed it over to his brother.
Kurt pulled it open to see a whole bunch of crossed out lines and rearranged sentences. Between the crossed out scribbles several clean lines stood out.
My true love
Has to be attractive.
Has to have a smokin’ body.
Has to have a really nice butt.
Has to have an amazing voice.
Has to have hair that I want to run my hands through all the time.
Has to be nice.
Has to make me smile for no reason.
Has to know when I need help, and want to help me.
Has to not try to be perfect.
Has to care about what I feel.
Has to be willing to care for others.
Has to hope that I do the right thing but doesn’t resent me when I don’t.
Has to make me risk it all without question.
Has to make me not care whether they fit the list or not.
“Yeah she hardly fits any of these,” Kurt said cautiously, not totally sure how he felt about the list. “I don’t care what you say but she’s homely. I’m not even going to think about the next two. I’ll admit she has a nice voice but did you really think she would let you run your hands through her hair?”
“No, the one time I tried she slapped my hand away.”
Kurt stood to hand the list back and put a hand on Finn’s shoulder to lessen his words, “Don’t you think it’s a little weird having a list about whom you will and will not date? It’s kind of shallow Finn.”
“Yeah I know. I never took it too seriously, and that’s kind of why I put the last one on there. Besides I would never let the list stop me from dating anyone I thought I liked.”
Kurt leaned against his desk, now closer to Finn for support as he seemed to be stalling for time.
“So you realized Rachel didn’t fit the list, especially the last one?” Kurt tried to encourage the answers out.
Finn shook his head, “No, I told you the list didn’t really matter to me until I realized who I was thinking about when I would change or add something to the list.”
“Mr. Schue?”
“Well yeah. I mean I noticed him back when I was a freshman, but I didn’t really think about what that meant until I had him for Spanish and the list really started to change. I kind of slowly realized I liked him right before glee started. By that time I was already with Quinn so I just pushed this weird new thing about myself away before I could freak out. It’s a big reason why I came back to glee after he planned to leave that one time. He was going to be gone and deep down I wanted to be part of something he really loved even if he wasn’t in it.
“I’m not the kind of guy who cheats so I didn’t really think about it too much and my feelings for him just kind of developed in the background until they seemed normal and I didn’t need to freak out about them. Then after the whole Quinn/Puck baby disaster I didn’t want to think about that because I kept crying like a little girl so I went back to thinking about my weird gay feelings for Mr. Schue. It kind of scared me because I realized I liked him more than I ever cared about Quinn and I thought I loved her. I had never felt like that so I kind of let myself get snared by Rachel because she was nice and cared about my feelings just like Mr. Schue. I guess she was like a safe-not so scary feelings-version of Mr. Schue.”
“She’s hardly like Mr. Schuester,” Kurt said to break up the rambling.
Finn sighed and finally noticed that sometime during his speech he had started pacing the room.
“I know I was lying to myself but I started to kind of like Rachel too. Except I realized that I knew that wasn’t completely true. I didn’t accept how much I was really in love with Will until all I wanted was to be with him when I was with anyone else. Hell I think about him all the time. With Quinn and Rachel I thought about them too but I always liked the time I could escape from their chickbattyness. With Will I wouldn’t mind it if we were handcuffed together forever in a totally not kinky way. Which I know is really mean to Rachel and Quinn but it’s the truth. But I couldn’t do anything about it then. I was with Rachel and I thought I was going to be stuck there ‘cause I liked her enough not to want to break her heart. And then she went out and cheated on me with Puck. I realized how unlike Mr. Schue she was. So, I broke it off for good and now I’m making the decision to become this new person and stop lying to myself.”
Finn stopped his pacing and turned to stick out his hand to Kurt, who had been listening intently.
“Hi, My name is Finn Hudson and I’m totally in gaylove with my high school teacher Mr. Schuester and I’m totally okay with that. It’s nice to meet you. And you are?”
“Seriously going to cry,” Kurt replied at Finn’s awkward but heartfelt confession. “That’s probably the most honest I’ve ever heard you be Finn,” Kurt said rubbing his damp eyes before finally shaking his brother’s hand.
“It’s really nice to meet this new honest Finn. You’ve really grown into a responsible and admirable man.”
Finn laughed and gave his brother another hug mindful of his strength.
Kurt pulled away and tried to act annoyed so he wouldn’t cry, “Enough hugging you’re going to wrinkle my cashmere sweater.”
“Sorry.”
Safely away from his brothers crushing hugs Kurt realized it was his turn to speak.
“Not that your undying love for someone isn’t very sweet and tender-not that I would approve anyway because he’s your teacher and you’re his student- but do you really think it would work out? No matter how much you love him there’s still that big teacher/student wall that’s going to stop you from being together. And I know the legal age of consent here is 16 but I don’t think Mr. Schue is the kind of guy who would cross that line. I mean he’s not even gay.”
“How would you know?”
“I have gaydar of coarse,” Kurt punctuated his comment with his hands on his hips.
“Then how come you didn’t know about me?” Finn grinned.
Briefly thinking of Karofsky, “Touché, I guess I don’t have gaydar. But think about it Finn, he was married for five years and only broke it off because she was insane. And he’s always liked Mrs. Pillsbury. I don’t think he’s completely over her yet, you told me about how down he’s been ever since he found about her being married to hot dentist Carl.”
“I don’t want to be the rebound guy, but I think if I hint that I’m interested and just be there for him that eventually, maybe after I graduate, we could be great together.”
“Oh Finn. You still don’t know if he’s gay.” Kurt couldn’t doubt Finn’s feelings but he did doubt that this would end so well.
“I’m not blind and I’m also not that stupid, even though it seems like it most of the time. I see the way he looks at me sometimes, like he’s scared of something and then he hides it with one of his amazing smiles. And don’t forget about the touching,” Finn couldn’t help but grin as he remembered all those casual touches and the rare almost gropes.
“Oh you noticed that too?” Kurt asked mildly impressed.
“See!”
“I just thought he was a touchy feely kind of guy and you honestly look like you’re in your late twenties sometimes so I thought he just unconsciously felt okay with touching you more than the rest of us. Yeah okay, that does sound pretty gay,” he had to admit.
“Yes! I knew I wasn’t just making it up in my head! He’s totally into me.”
Finn’s grin actually looked painful the way it stretched so wide.
“Wait, a couple of looks and casual gropes doesn’t mean he’s okay with being involved with one of his male students.”
“What about all of the times that I touched him and he never pushed me away or looked like he was uncomfortable?” Finn’s grin stretched even father in triumph.
“Well there is that,” Kurt couldn’t help but admit that there was something to that.
Both teens knew the conversation had taken a lighter turn so they both ran with it.
“So how are you going to confess to Mr. Schuester that you are in love with him?”
Finn shook his head in confusion, “Huh?”
“How are we going to get Mr. Schuester and you together Finn? We need a plan.”
“Wait, I thought you had a problem with the student teacher thing.”
“I am, mostly, but I’ve had my fair share of unrequited loves. There was Bobby from middle school, you, and then Pu… uhm. I mean Sa… uhm and now finally Blaine. My love life has been full of wanting guys that I couldn’t have. I would have killed for any sign for the go ahead.”
“I’m sorry about that,” Finn refrained from hugging his brother again to protect his nice sweater.
“It’s okay I’m still young. Anyway, it is inappropriate and I should disapprove, but I don’t think he’s the kind of creep that would take advantage of that. He doesn’t seem like a predator. I mean he’s the hottest teacher in school; he’s probably had droves of students that would kill to be with him. You saw how appropriate he acted when Rachel had that crush on him. He shot her down, put her in her place and never thought to take advantage. I mean it was Rachel, but still.”
Finn’s grin had slipped off of his face by now, “Now I’m not so sure he would ever admit to liking me.”
Kurt stood straight with confidence, “That’s why we need a plan for you to seduce Mr. Schue. If he admits to liking you then you know it’s real since he would never admit that to any other of his students. And if he doesn’t - and Finn there is a big possibility he might not - I’ll be here if you need a shoulder to cry on.”
“Okay then what’s the plan,” Finn asked with a renewed sense of excitement.
“I got it. Hold on I’ll be right back.”
Finn watched his brother scurry up the stairs and then return five minutes later winded but safe from aunt Mildred’s overly strong fingers.
“Here,” Kurt handed over a bushel of mistletoe.
“Uh okay,” Finn then planted a kiss on Kurt’s cheek.
“Ew, what was that for?” Kurt demanded wiping at his face.
“I thought that’s what the mistletoe was for,” Finn sat back on the lounge chair with his hand firmly on the leaves.
“No it’s for Mr. Schuester, you did say he was alone on Christmas right? Well you can go over there and get him to kiss you. If he seems to like it then there might be a chance, but if it seems like he didn’t enjoy it then you can come back here and cry. I also got a box full of your mom’s famous cookies to sweeten the deal.”
“You are awesome Kurt. I’m so lucky to have you as a brother.”
“Don’t you dare hug me again!”
“I wont but thank you for really understanding. Now I need to figure out how to sneak out without getting mauled by your aunt’s Superman fingers or my mom.”
“Leave aunt Mildred to me and if your mom asks I’ll say you’re taking a nap or you went to Puck’s house to get away from our crazy family.”
“You’re amazing you know that. I totally owe you man.”
“I’m your brother, It’s my job,” Kurt grinned at his new brother. “Now let’s go before It’s too late.”
They both snuck up the stairs and stopped before they separated.
“Kurt, next time we’ll talk about this Blaine guy okay? We’ll come up with a plan then.”
Kurt gave a gentle nod before he launched himself straight for aunt Mildred’s twitching fingers in the living room full of people. His sacrifice was successful as Finn managed to slip out of the front door, mistletoe and cookies in one hand, car keys in another.
tbc.