something happened along the way
.... or so it would seem. it all starts with a good lie/excuse for why we didn't follow through and why we're in the situation we are in.
"I'm just a fucked up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind"
one of the best line i've heard in quite some time. i recently told ucdcow that it was rare to find someone that gave you 'that' feeling. if there are butterflies in your stomach, it's there for a reason, so capture it ... it's so much easier to give advice than to live/follow them. i remember recently writing in my journal of a moment where someone took my breath away and the feeling is almost indescribable. i haven't had that feeling since and i let that moment go. i saved myself from what i know would have been greater heartache that would take a longer time to heal, yet at the same time, i sometimes wonder about that 'what if'. and the longer i wait, sure, i can justify whey i let it go and why it wouldn't have been ... however, when i see a couple, i often wonder if i could have allowed myself to have 'those' moments.
the fear of 'being left behind' sound very cliche but it's quite real. sometimes i think ashely judd was giving my line when she said - 'if the theory is wrong, men don't leave, they just leave me'. there's a sense that people will leave you/turn their back on you. it's sad to think of life that way, yet at the same time, it's difficult not to. that fear hangs over every aspect of my life. i think that's why it takes so long to crack that shell. sure ... there's the surface - the semi-surface ... and so on.
a friend gave me a book recently entitled "if i knew then, what i know now" ... and wrote in that book, i'm glad that we're new friends and know that we'll grow to be old ones. something that i had never considered yet found to be so true. It only took me 6 years to realize this mind you. it’s good that we can acknowledge the good in our life … there are many “bad” in our life, but that one good can take away some of the pain of the bad and continually extend to envelope you in its embrace until you realize and acknowledge the good around and in you.
Use your gifts well and you will discover others, among them a gift that is uniquely you
~Charlene Costanzo~