A Libertine Education, for idolkiller (3/3)

[winnermod]

Part Three

Once an idea is planted, very little is needed for it to take root.

And grow.

////

Surprising enough, the request comes from Mino the following Wednesday evening.

“Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?” Taehyun frowns. “Because it isn’t funny.”

“It’s not a joke,” Mino states, frowning in turn. “I’m completely serious.”

“No,” Taehyun stands and makes his way into their bedroom. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

Taehyun whirls. “Why not? Have you gone mental?” Taehyun’s long legs bring him across the living room. “Mino, come on. That is a terrible idea.”

“I think it could work. I mean, if Seungyoon were up for it.”

At this, Taehyun laughs. “Oh, right. As if your idea of asking Seungyoon to join us as a third wasn’t the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard, there’s just that little teeny tiny detail of him saying no, and you can only imagine how awkward it would be in the elevators after that.”

Taehyun’s laughter is manic. “Just forget about it,” he dismisses the idea wholly, waving a hand in the air. “Ridiculous!”

“I don’t think it’s too ridiculous to consider,” Mino offers quietly, his voice both timid and hopeful. “You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

The effect of Mino’s words is immediate.

“You might be willing to experiment,” Taehyun stands up, serious now in the face of Mino’s sincerity. “But I’m not. I won’t put us through an experiment, fuck.”

“Why not? I am saying I am okay with it,” Mino argues.

“And why is that exactly?” Taehyun snaps. “Why are you suddenly okay with bringing in other partners into our relationship? Did you think about that, genius, while you were hatching your brilliant idea?”

“I know what I am about,” Mino retorts. “I know what I’m asking.”

Taehyun scoffs. “Like hell you do,” he says before marching right up to Mino and shoving a finger into his chest. “Don’t you get it? This will change everything! And there isn’t going to be enough I’m sorrys to make things go back to the way they were.”

Mino scowls. “You don’t think I know this?” He swats Taehyun’s hand away. “You don’t think I considered and weighed and agonized over every angle before coming to you? I’m not an idiot.”

Taehyun turns a deaf ear. “No, I won’t do this,” he declares. “You may think you know what this it about. Hell, you’ve probably thought this through a million different ways in your head. But that’s all that is. A simple intellectual understanding.”

He shakes his head, and for the first time Mino thinks Taehyun looks scared. “You don’t-you couldn’t possibly know how this will affect you emotionally. And if you decide to regret it, it’s already too late.”

“So, no, I won’t do this,” Taehyun states resolutely. “Don’t ask me again.”

He doesn’t listen. Mino corners Taehyun an hour later in their bedroom. Taehyun scoffs, ready to push away and storm out of the room, when Mino catches him around the waist and drops his head onto Taehyun’s shoulder, halting his escape.

“Please, Taehyun,” Mino says desperately, his voice thick with emotion. “Please hear me out.”

Taehyun sighs.

“Why do you suddenly want to do this so badly?” he asks. “You never expressed wanting to invite anyone else to our bed before. Why now? Why Seungyoon?”

“Because,” Mino says quietly. “Because you’ve done so much for me. Given up so much to be with me. It’s not fair that you’re the only one making compromises. Making sacrifices.”

“It’s not a sacrifice-”

“I want you to know that you can ask me for this,” he replies, lifting his head from Taehyun’s shoulder. He traces each and every one of the younger boy’s features with his eyes. “It’s okay.”

Taehyun opens his mouth, but words refuse to make themselves known.

Mino reaches up to smooth the crease between his boyfriend’s eyebrows. “And… I see how you look at him. Sometimes. And I see how he stares at you. He’s interested.”

“I don’t look at him like anything!” Taehyun reels back. “And he doesn’t stare at-what are you even saying?”

“It pains me to think about you wanting other people,” Mino admits, taking Taehyun’s hands and kissing his palms. “And I know that you would never cheat on me. But I also can’t help but feel that I’m somehow repressing you.”

“You’re not.”

He shakes his head. “When we met you were all hard edges with attitude for days,” he says fondly, remembering when Taehyun’s hair was blonde and how striking it looked under the streetlight of that alley. “I miss that.”

Mino’s fingers find their way into the dark stands of Taehyun’s hair. “You’re so soft now,” his whispers at the softness he finds at the ends of his fingertips “All your edges are gone. You barely go out to shows these days, and you…you teach little kids music, for crying out loud.”

He takes a staggering breath. “Did I do this? I ask myself. Did I take something wild and raw and lonely and make it tame and quiet and at home in its cage?”

“You did make me do anything!” Taehyun cries, pulling away. “If I’m different, it’s because I wanted to be. I chose this, remember? I chose you.”

“But at what cost to yourself?” Mino says despairingly. “I want to do this for you, Taehyun. I need to. I want to be everything you need. Give you everything want.”

“You already do.”

But Mino just shakes his head. “Don’t you miss it? You can’t tell me you don’t think about it. That you don’t actively repress your thoughts. Your desires.”

Taehyun opens his mouth to protest, but he finds he doesn't quite have the words. Embarrassed, maybe even ashamed, he looks away.

“We can try it out once. See how we feel,” Mino says softly, beseechingly. “If we both want it, we can have it together. I want to at least try-for you, of course, but for us as well.”

Taehyun is quiet for a long time as he runs Mino’s words through his head a thousand times over. There is little doubt that he’s frightened and nervous about what this could mean. How it could change them. But he also can’t deny that there is a flare of excitement in his stomach, a breathless whisper of anticipation licking at the base of his spine.

“You have to promise me,” he starts, voice quivering. “Promise me that the second you feel uncomfortable or want to quit, you have to tell me.”

“I will.”

“I’m not kidding, Mino,” Taehyun grits out. “We have to be honest with each other or this won’t work. And I won’t agree to this if you’re just going to push yourself too far to please me. I won’t have that. You have to promise.”

Mino raises his right hand as if he’s taking an oath. “I solemnly swear.”

Never in a million years would he think he would agree to something like this with Mino. Taehyun has never lied. His heart has never strayed from Mino since that first night in that nameless bar. He, quite honestly, fell in love at first sight. Mino, it turned out, was everything that he never knew he wanted.

Yes, his life is a little different from what he imagined it would be. But that isn’t to say that Taehyun has any regrets. He is quite taken the life he has with Mino. The life they built together. Every day he comes home to evidence of a shared life. Of two people taking a chance on one another and growing, day by day, closer together.

And it’s not to say that Mino is terrible in bed. Not at all. They hadn’t spent the first few weeks of their courtship rutting against each other on every surface they could find because Mino was a shitty fuck.

But just the thought of being intimate with Mino in this other, new way, of initiating him into something more, made Taehyun’s pulse quicken. A million possibilities flutter behind his eyelids and all of them stir desire in his gut.

"I mean, it's not as if Seungyoon was bad looking, either," Mino adds, teasingly.

Taehyun can't help but laugh.
He leans forward, resting his forehead on Mino's. “Okay,” he breathes. He nods slowly, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Mino repeats quietly, reaching out to smooth Taehyun’s worried brow with gentle fingers. He smiles softly, relief relaxing the tense muscles of his body.

“Don’t worry. It’s you and me. Everything will be alright.”

////

In the end, it had taken very little convincing for Seungyoon to join them the following weekend. Seungyoon, while initially shocked at the invitation, seemed excited by the prospect.

He had agreed with a bright red flush on his cheeks but also a twinkle in his eye.

Taehyun is noticeably agitated. He stomps around the apartment endlessly while biting what few nails he has left. His brow is furrowed either in apprehension or worry or fear, Mino isn’t quite sure. Maybe all of them. Taehyun is currently in not state to share his inner thoughts.

Mino, on the other hand, doesn’t know enough to know what he should fear, if anything, and so he has the luxury of sitting on the couch with just the tiniest flutter in his stomach while his eyes track Taehyun’s movements to and fro.

Seungyoon is due to show up any moment.

Deciding that he’s had enough, Mino stands and makes his way to their dry bar, pulling three wine glasses and giving them each a generous pour. He hands one to Taehyun.

“I think I’ll need something stronger,” he says with a wry smile. Still, he takes it and finishes it off in nearly one long gulp.

“Wine is meant to be savored, Taehyun,” Mino admonishes. “It’s not what you chug at frat parties.”

“Yeah, well, this isn’t a frat party, now is it?” Taehyun throws over his shoulder as he turns to resume his stalking. He can’t keep still.

Mino pours him another glass.

They’ve talked about this extensively throughout the week-him and Taehyun, and then the both of them with Seungyoon. Everyone knows, generally, what they can expect. The rules have been set. Copious amounts of lube and condoms have been purchased and stored in their nightstands for easy access. Their dry bar has been stocked with an assortment of liquors, their colors and bottles reflecting in the ambient light of their apartment.

Taehyun picks up his glass and tosses it back. He sputters a bit.

“Hey.” Mino tugs on his hand before Taehyun can make a break for it. Gently, he gathers Taehyun in his arms. Tilting his head up, Mino smiles when Taehyun finally meets his gaze.

“Hey,” he says again, hands rubbing circles against Taehyun’s back. “It’s us, remember? We’ll always be okay.”

But Taehyun only shakes his head. “How can you be so calm?”

“Because,” Mino pulls him closer. “Because you’re letting me share in this side of you. Something I’ve never been able to see until now. And I always want to see you. I want to share everything with you.”

Just then, a hesitant knock at their door.

“I love you,” Taehyun gasps before pulling Mino in for a breathless kiss. It is desperate and burning and Mino takes as much as he gives, and for a moment everything falls away. It’s just them, in love.

They break apart, panting and clinging, and lips tingling.

“Ready?”

A nod.

A breath.

The door opens.

Afterwards, after Seungyoon has left them, they take one long shower together, spending the time to lather each other’s hair and place soft kisses onto wet skin. There’s no rush, no hurry. Their hands naturally find home on the other’s body, all gentle caresses and soft strokes.

It is Taehyun that pulls the dirtied sheets from their bed, kicks them into a corner with the pillowcases and their discarded clothing. The new linen is fresh and cool against their cheeks.

They cuddle. Even exhausted, they fight to stay awake, staring at each other across a shared pillow, their joined hands between them. They don’t say much. They just look and look and let their eyes do all the talking. Let their fingers reclaim what’s theirs. Their lips to provide comfort.

They reassure each one another in whispers, smile at each other delicately, and fall asleep to the promise that all is well.

////

It becomes a regular thing.

New rules are agreed upon in between heated kisses and wandering hands. Their Saturday evenings are now reserved for a scheduled fucking, after which they part ways rather amicably, Seungyoon giving a little wave before he closes their front door and walks down the hallway to his own apartment.

Mino had never imagined himself in such an arrangement, and if anyone had told him even a few months back that he would enjoy messing around with Taehyun and their neighbor, in what could be the most satisfying sexual relationship of his life, he would have laughed until he keeled over.

Turns out the joke is on him.

It is the understatement of the year to say that their antics in the bedroom are pleasurable. Just as Mino had never given any serious thought to the idea that he would be a willing participant in a threesome, he also never thought that he would enjoy it as much as he does. In truth, he had never felt so liberated, so gratified, so safe than when he was lost in the heated kisses of both Taehyun and Seungyoon.

He loves the way Taehyun looks at him on Sunday mornings when his eyes flutter open and search for him. Appearing thoroughly ravished and well fucked, Taehyun’s gaze is warm and open, a contented smile creeping on his face as he buries his head against Mino’s chest. It’s this moment that Mino loves the most. Taehyun looks at him like Mino is his entire world. Like he could want nothing more.

It is because of Mino that Taehyun wakes up on Sunday morning so well satisfied and practically purring in his arms.

Mino isn’t too proud to say it makes him feel damn good. He’s finally able to give Taehyun what he needs, and for the first time, he feels like he’s the lover he’s always thought Taehyun deserved. The self-satisfied grin he wears doesn’t leave him quickly, and even Seunghoon rolls his eyes when they meet in the elevator on Monday mornings.

In short, Mino’s only regret is that he didn’t think of inviting a third into their bed sooner.

////

It’s pouring out.

This is unusual for so late in the season, and it has caught many unaware. Mino included.

He’s standing under the awning of building, the cheap umbrella purchased from the newspaper kiosk lying broken at his feet. The rain doesn’t give indication of letting up any time soon, but still, he stares up at the sky trying to find the inevitable break in the storm.

A few taxis roll past him, but they’re all occupied and busy bringing dry, warm passengers to their destinations. They have no room for soggy men with broken umbrellas.

The pounding of sneakers on wet pavement.

“Hey! I thought it was you!” An equally soaking Seungyoon runs into the small shelter from the storm. His hair hangs damp and heavy on and head, and his glasses are littered with raindrops, but he’s grinning as he looks up at Mino.

Mino’s breath catches.

“I think we should just make a break for it,” Seungyoon says, uselessly wiping his glasses on his wet shirt as he peers up at the rain clouds.

Seungyoon’s hand is warm when it finds his. Holding on tightly, Seungyoon tugs him out into the storm as they make a mad dash back to their apartment building. Seungyoon’s laughter ringing like tiny bells in his ears.

That night, Mino makes love to Taehyun slowly.

He thrusts into Taehyun deeply, making sure he feels each slide of Mino’s cock filling him. He sucks a bruising mark onto Taehyun’s collar bones, and groans when he feels Taehyun clench around him. It’s different than when they’re with Seungyoon, which is frantic and passionate and more often than not, overwhelming.

Here, they can take their time, and as much as Taehyun loves a fast fuck, nothing brings him more pleasure than a slow build culminating in an earth-shattering orgasm that has him coming and coming and coming.

“More,” Taehyun whines, wrapping his long legs around Mino’s back and digging his heels in.

Mino complies, shifting his weight and angling in the way when he knows Taehyun loves best.

The effect is immediate. Taehyun arches and bites down hard on his lip, hands sliding across Mino’s slick back.

“Yes, Mino,” Taehyun hisses, pulling at Mino’s hair to drag him in for a kiss. Breaking apart, they pant into each other’s mouths, eyes focused on nothing but each other, as Taehyun’s thighs shake with need.

Only a few more strokes and Taehyun is biting down on his lip as he comes, Mino’s name wretched from his lips as he releases on their stomachs. When Mino finally follows, he grips Taehyun’s hand hard and whispers words of adoration onto his neck.

////

Something truly special happened that first night. Something that had changed their dynamic.

Mino had actually liked watching Taehyun fuck another guy. It was incredibly arousing to see his boyfriend get sucked off by their young neighbor. Even now, Mino could still get hard remembering how Taehyun had found pleasure in someone else’s body.

And then there was Seungyoon.

The younger had understandably been nervous, his lithe body trembling as Mino had kissed him experimentally while Taehyun slowly undressed him. Seungyoon was new to them-new to Taehyun and new to Mino, and certainly new to threesomes, but where he lacked experience he made up for with eagerness and a desire to please.

Mino and Taehyun took their time with him, getting him comfortable and letting Seungyoon set the pace for how quickly things unfolded between the three of them. They had let Seungyoon explore them, take his pleasure from them, and gave into every demand whether spoken or not.

Getting used to a new body-a third body-wasn't as difficult or awkward as Mino had imagined it might be. Seungyoon was physically so different from Taehyun, and Mino had relished in discovering all the little things that made him gasp and moan, made Seungyoon whimper with need and sigh with pleasure.
It had been a learning experience for all of them.

Mino had been amazed that it had worked out as well as it did. There was something about the pull of their bodies, the way they worked with one another in the ultimate pursuit of desire.

And now he couldn’t get enough.

What was supposed to be a once a week rendezvous between the sheets ended up being a two or sometimes three times a week. Mino understood he was spiraling into unknown depths, but he found he didn’t much mind.

////

“So, how’s the demo coming along?”

Mino waits for Seungyoon to finish stepping off the bus. It’s their new thing, riding the bus back to the apartment on Tuesday evenings-Mino from work, Seungyoon from his friend's studio.

Seungyoon lights up.

“It’s really great! I feel as if I’m finally making some progress-it was touch and go there for a bit,” Seungyoon replies with a wry grin. “I have to thank Taehyun. He introduced me to some great producers. I’m feeling really inspired.”

“That sounds great.”

“Yeah,” Seungyoon is practically skipping along next to him, his eyes shimmering in the fading light. “Taehyun even got me listening to classical music, believe it or not. Gave me a big list of composers and everything. I didn’t think it was my thing, but I’m actually enjoying it. I’m trying to incorporate a sample or at least elements in some of my songs. I don’t quite know yet how I feel about it, but…you know when you have a word you can’t recall stuck on the tip of your tongue? It’s kind of like that feeling. It’s there, within your reach, but not quite.”

“I’m sure it will come to you in good time. It seems like you’re on the brink of something great. I’m happy for you,” Mino says with a sincere smile.

“Do you-do you want to take a listen?”

“Now?”

Seungyoon laughs, peering sheepishly up at Mino through his eyelashes. “I’m boring you, sorry. You must get enough of this at home with Taehyun.”

Mino shakes his head, choosing to ignore the comment about Taehyun. In truth, he hadn’t spoken to Mino about music in ages. “No, no, I’d be happy to take a listen.”

He feels the familiar pull of desire in his stomach when Seungyoon beams up at him, his excitement barely contained. Mino lets his eyes linger over him as Seungyoon digs into his pocket for a waddled up pair of earphones, jamming them into his phone before handing an earbud to Mino. He pops the other in his own ear.

“Now, I feel the need to manage expectations. What you’re about to hear is in its very early stages. It would be great if you could think of it as…experimental more than anything,” Seungyoon says with a laugh. “And certainly not anything to what Taehyun is able to do.”

Despite the smile on his face, Mino could detect the younger boy’s nervousness in the way he was biting his lip. Cute, he thinks, but instead says, “I promise not to expect too much.”

Seungyoon tilts his head back, his laughter spilling out into the night. Without a word, he hits play.

Immediately the familiar sounds of an unaccompanied piano filter into his ear. The tempo is sleepy and slow, and next to him, Seungyoon sways on his feet as if lulled to sleep by the music. It isn’t long before violins enter the fray, their soft strings caressing and enhancing the melody, and the back and forth between the instruments-more piano-now more violin-louder here-soft, soft, softer yet-push the music forward measure by measure. Mino watches as Seungyoon’s hands wave in fluid motion, as if he himself is a conductor of an orchestra. The music swells in his ear reminding him all at once of the rushing of water between his toes and cold winter mornings, of tumbling laughter and distant galaxies and the first flush of love.

Seungyoon’s eyelids fall close.

“I love this part,” he whispers so softly that if Mino hadn’t been openly staring at Seungyoon, he would have certainly missed it. Indeed, an electric guitar has made its entrance, leaping and bounding, sometimes accompanying the melody, sometimes playing the harmony, and Seungyoon’s fingers twitch in the air, as if they can’t help but mimic the notes.

And all at once, it is over.

When Seungyoon opens his eyes, Mino is still watching him. He doesn’t know when they stopped walking, but he finds they are standing very close. He bites his lip, and that draws Mino’s stare.

Seungyoon steps back.

“Obviously, it needs some work,” he says with a shy smile.

“It’s wonderful,” Mino declares with a blush, returning the earbud.

“Thanks,” Seungyoon accepts with a quick nod before ducking his head. They walked on in a comfortable silence, hands swinging at their sides, their knuckles occasionally brushing as they go.

////

Taehyun surprises him with tickets to see Mino’s favorite group, performing at a much larger venue. It’s a private joke between them, because on the night they met, Mino never did get to see his favorite group perform.

It’s exactly like Taehyun-a perfect gift that is both thoughtful and sentimental and Mino should love it, and he does. But he also feels something heavy in his heart when he's reminded, yet again, how perfect Taehyun is for him.

So Mino buries whatever guilty thoughts and feelings he has, smiles and kisses Taehyun deeply.

They have a fantastic time at the concert, and when Taehyun pulls him into the crowd and into his arms, smiling and looking up at him with such unreserved affection, Mino forces himself to think only of Taehyun. Of his soft skin and glittering eyes, of his pouty lips and the touch of the man he has adored for years.

And yet, later that night, Mino pushes Taehyun’s face down into the mattress and takes him from behind. But when he finds release, biting down on his soft skin of Taehyun’s shoulder, it’s to the memory of Seungyoon’s flushed face.

////

“So I was thinking,” Taehyun says excitedly the moment Mino steps through the threshold of their apartment. “Why don’t we go away this weekend? A mini-vacation? You could take Friday off and we could get out of the city?”

Pausing at the door, Mino’s fingers hesitate on the buttons of his jacket. “This weekend?”

Taehyun pokes his head around the corner, blonde hair flopping into his eyes. “Yep,” he says with a smile.

“I was thinking we could go to the coast-get one of the beachside bungalows,” he says as he rounds the corner, coming up Mino and draping his arms around his neck. “We always talked about it, remember?”

“Right,” Mino nods, smile tight. “Right, of course I do. It’s just-it’s just that it’s not a good time for me to take time off.”

Taehyun pouts, bottom lip protruding. There was a time when this act alone would make Mino move heaven and earth. “It’s just one day though. Please?”

“It may just be one day, but it’s also the end of the fiscal year. It’s an incredibly busy time for us.”

“Please?” Taehyun repeats, nuzzling Mino’s neck and pressing open kisses along his jawline. “Pretty please?”

“Taehyun, I can’t,” Mino says firmly, pushing Taehyun back slightly. “I’m sorry. I-let’s just plan for another time, okay?”

He can’t bring himself to meet Taehyun’s eyes, knowing full well what he’ll find there. Mino hates what he’s doing-or not doing-and he hates how it makes him feel, and, most of all, he hates that if he were brave enough to look up, he would find disappointment and hurt in Taehyun’s gaze. Disappointment and hurt that he placed here.

“Fine,” Taehyun says quietly. “Another time.”

////

There’s no use in denying that he desires Seungyoon. Desires Seungyoon in a way that he shouldn’t. Desires him in the worst possible way.

Mino knows, without a doubt, that he doesn’t love Seungyoon. He also knows that he doesn’t want a relationship with Seungyoon. There is nothing romantic or emotional in his desire for his younger neighbor-all tender feelings are wrapped up alone in Taehyun. Only Taehyun commands his heart.

But, more and more these days, it’s Seungyoon that Mino craves.

It is Seungyoon that Mino wants in his bed at night. The physical compatibility he’s found with Seungyoon is unlike any he’s had with anyone else-Taehyun included-and, damn it all, nothing feels as good as when he’s buried to the hilt in Seungyoon’s warm depths.

Giving into his passion once a few times a week isn’t working for him anymore. He wants more. And it certainly doesn’t help that every time he’s with Seungyoon, Taehyun is there. Taehyun, with his probing eyes and his punishing kisses. Taehyun, his boyfriend. Taehyun, the man he loves. Mino feels as much agony in his heart as he does desire in his loins.

And Mino knows that he should just end it all. They had rules in place for this kind of thing. They had been clear from the start. As free as they are in the bedroom, the main relationship had always been between him and Taehyun-Seungyoon was the outsider-and their agreement was only consensual as far as the three of them were concerned.

Any other coupling with Seungyoon beyond that was just cheating.

That aside, Mino didn’t want to give up what he had with Taehyun for a roll in the sack with Seungyoon. His future was with Taehyun and he wasn’t willing to give that up or what they built for a lust-driven fuck.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to end their arrangement either. Because as much as he hated what he was doing, he couldn’t let go of Seungyoon either. Not when his body could now only find satisfaction between Seungyoon’s thighs.

Quite honestly, Mino didn’t know what to do.

So he did nothing.

////

Seunghoon pops a few peanuts into his mouth and sits back in his chair, unimpressed.

“Well, I don’t want to say I told you so, but I have such few joys in life not to indulge. So,” he smirks, and Mino rolls his eyes. “I fucking told you this was a bad idea.”

Seunghoon had known the general gist of their…arrangement almost since it started. That conversation hadn’t gone over all that well. Seunghoon had stared at him long and hard as if he had grown another head, declared him an idiot, and called the whole thing a mistake.

And now he was gloating.

“Yes, great. Thanks. Got anything else for me or are you just going to sit there being smug about it?” Mino replied, wallowing.

The smirk falls from Seunghoon’s lips, replaced by a frown. “I don’t know…” he sighs and shakes his head as he reaches for his drink. They’ve taken to a nearby bar after work, where Mino had promptly unloaded on his friend. “What do you want to do?”

“If I knew, do you think I’d be coming to you like this, asking for advice?”

“There’s no need to sass me, Mino,” Seunghoon tuts reproachfully before asking the big question hanging over them.

As he gazes across the table at his friend, who sighs in frustration while running his hand through his hair, Seunghoon is struck by his overwhelming sense of sympathy-not for Mino, but for Taehyun. Over the years, Taehyun had moved from his best friend’s boyfriend, to simply his friend. It was true that they didn’t confide often in one another outside of a group setting, but Seunghoon still cared about the younger boy independent of his relationship with Mino.

And so it was with some regret and disappointment that he sits up and asks, “Do you want to break up with Taehyun?”

As if responding by gut reaction, Mino gasps as if struck. “No, of course not,” he shakes his head vehemently. “It’s just…just…”

“Do you still love him?”

Mino is more convincing this time. “Yes.”

“Because it’s okay, you know,” Seunghoon’s fingers toy with the rim of his now empty glass. “You can still love Taehyun and not want to be with him anymore. That’s allowed.”

Mino frowns but remains quiet. Witness to such a pitiful scene, Seunghoon can’t help but feel sorry for his friend.

“Taehyun is my best friend, I wouldn’t do that to him,” Mino declares adamantly, fists clenched in his lap. “There’s no way I’m giving up what we have-what we’ve spent years building together-for a tryst with Seungyoon. What we have is good. Taehyun is where my future is. This is just, I don’t know, a phase or something. I just need to get it out of my system.”

Seunghoon narrows his eyes. “Get what out of your system exactly? Don’t you three still take turns fucking each other’s brains out on a regular basis?”

“Don’t be crass, Seunghoon.”

“I’m just saying, if you already get physical with Seungyoon-albeit with Taehyun in the same room-I don’t know what you need to get out of your system, as you put it. It would be one thing if you felt physically attracted to someone you couldn’t have and wanted to bump nasties with them. That I could understand…”

Mino drops his eyes to stare intently at the grain of the table in front of him. The next words out of Seunghoon’s mouth are devastating to hear aloud.

“It would be another thing entirely if you were emotionally attached to Seungyoon. That would a bit harder to get out of your system, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to break up with Taehyun, and I love him. I do,” Mino insists miserably. His mind is a jumble of shame and guilt, and it shows on his face. “I admit that I’m having a harder time with this than I thought I would. When we started this whole thing, I was worried about becoming jealous and the mechanics of the physical aspect of the relationship…I didn’t think about the emotional aspect at all.”

His smile is bitter. “Taehyun, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be have a problem with it.”

It was true, while Mino had found their inclusion of Seungyoon in their bed and in their lives to be transformative, and increasingly confusing, Taehyun found it to be less so. Taehyun was so much better at keeping the physical and the emotional separate. He could ride Seungyoon in one moment and, in the next, send him off with a bag of breakfast muffins without so much a change of pace.
It was a talent Mino could only wish he also possessed.

“But it doesn’t matter what I might feel towards Seungyoon. I made a promise to Taehyun. We made promises to each other. I intend to keep them,” he finishes.

Seunghoon scoffs. “Please stop acting so noble as if you’re some kind of martyr,” he says with some distaste. “Don’t you think this is disingenuous towards Taehyun, the guy you claim to love?”

“Everyone has urges, right? Everyone has doubts from time to time, don’t they? It’s natural. It’s human,” Mino presses, leaning forward in his seat. “But what makes the measure of a man is how we respond to those temptations.”

“So you’re telling me you intend to do nothing but continue on with this fucked up agreement you have going with Taehyun and Seungyoon?” Seunghoon questions, clearly appalled. “And what, one day you’ll wake up and everything will magically be okay? Come on, Mino. You aren’t this naïve. One way or another your secret is going to be revealed.”

“What are you suggesting I do then?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Seunghoon is incredulous. “If you’re serious about Taehyun then you need to break it off with Seungyoon, you moron.”

Mino is ashamed to feel something in him recoil at the very thought. Obviously, he knew what he had to do, but he just wasn’t ready. He would do it, eventually. Just…not yet. Not now.

“He reminds me so much of how Taehyun used to be,” his whispered confession just barely reaching Seunghoon’s ears. Mino refuses to look at him, choosing instead to pick at the dents and dips of the wooden table. “When we first started dating. He’s got that same spark. That same allure. I can’t help it. To want to be around him.”

Finally, Mino looks imploringly at his friend. “I had thought that opening up our relationship to Seungyoon would bring back that spark. Would make make us closer. Make Taehyun like he used to be…but nothing really has changed. Not really.”

He pauses. “But…but Seungyoon has that spark. And I just-I just want to hang on to that a little bit longer.”

Seunghoon lets out a colorful string of curses, carding both of his hands through his hair. He immediately flags down a waiter and orders himself a double. He doesn’t bother ordering for Mino.

“You are kidding me?” Seunghoon cries as he wipes the excess off his chin with the back of his hand. “If you miss that Taehyun, then you should talk to him and work on your relationship with him instead of looking outside of it to fill in the gaps. Don’t be such an asshole, Mino. Fuck.”

Mino lowers his gaze, properly chastised.

“Look, Taehyun loves you. For some reason he adores the ground you walk on and all that shit. Most of all, he trusts you. So, I’m sorry but fuck you and your nostalgic allure for Seungyoon and the way Taehyun used to be. You might have started this whole thing for Taehyun, but don't act like like you're not still in this for you. Taehyun deserves better than that.”

With that Seunghoon threw down a couple bills on the table and left the bar. When he arrived home, he found Jinwoo sitting on the couch, disciplining their dog. Collapsing onto the cushions and gathering Jinwoo in his arms, Seunghoon buried his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

“Hoon? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and would never take you for granted.”

////

Mino looks forward to Tuesday evenings.

He and Seungyoon talk about all sorts of mundane things on their walk home-stories about Mino’s co-workers, funny advertisements they come across, interesting anecdotes they’re pretty sure are true even if they don’t have any evidence to support them, and even progress on Seungyoon’s album.

The bus ride with accompanying walk to their apartment block is only thirty minutes, give or take, but somehow they draw it out by five, fifteen, twenty-five minutes.

It becomes Mino’s favorite time of the day.

////

The sex continues to be amazing, and Mino smiles as he remembers Seungyoon’s dominance from the evening before. Lost in his libertine fantasies, Mino fails to realize that he no longer touches Taehyun intimately unless Seungyoon is there.

////

One evening, he comes home to delicious smells coming from the kitchen. Hearing the front door close, Taehyun’s pokes his head out from around the corner.

“Oh good, you’re home!” he beams. “I’ve made dinner!”

Taehyun has clearly outdone himself. All of Mino’s favorite foods are present, the table resembling a kind of potluck for two, and Mino makes the appropriate sounds of appreciation with every new dish he tries.

At his elbow, Taehyun looks relieved. He takes a calming breath before flashing him a wan smile and picking up his own fork. Mino nods his head as Taehyun tuts on and on about work and the kids and you wouldn’t believe what happened today!

Afterwards, when Taehyun has run out of things to say and silence falls over them, he turns to Mino, expectant look on his face. “And how was your day?”

Mino only shrugs, chasing his food with a gulp of wine. “It was fine.”

Taehyun waits for more. Waits for a contribution to the conversation. Waits for a question. Waits to be looked at properly. But when he receives none, when Mino just turns back to his dinner plate, Taehyun tries not to be disheartened.

“That’s great,” he replies softly, picking up his own wine glass.

////

On Saturday, Taehyun falls ill.

He lies in bed and insists that he doesn’t need to visit a doctor, a good rest is all that is required, he’s sure, but that also meant he couldn’t possibly be well enough for their usual Saturday night activities with a certain neighbor.

At his request, Mino begrudgingly calls Seungyoon to let him know that Taehyun was currently indisposed, and so they would have to cancel this week’s…meeting.

“Oh,” Seungyoon says. “I hope he feels better soon. I heard a nasty bug was going around.”

“Yeah,” Mino replies.

“Well, thanks for letting me know. I’ll see you around then.”

“Wait!” Mino cries, eager to keep Seungyoon on the phone. He knew he shouldn’t, but he resented the fact that he couldn’t see Seungyoon simply because Taehyun was sick. “Uh, I mean, would you-”

Even he doesn’t know what he was about to ask Seungyoon, and neither of them find out as Taehyun could be heard calling for Mino from the bedroom.

“It seems you have your hands full,” Seungyoon laughs. “I’ll leave you to it. Bye, Mino.”

He hangs up before Mino can even reply. Standing in his living room, Mino stares down at his phone until the screen turns black. He hears Taehyun call for him again.

Sighing, he tosses his phone onto the couch and walks into the bedroom.

////

Mino gets a promotion.

He’s just got word, having been pulled into a conference room with the higher ups, who slap him on the back and tease him with his new title of manager.

Rushing back to his office, Mino waits until he’s safe behind closed doors before he pulls out his phone. Wide grin on his face, his thumbs dance over the keyboard as he messages Seungyoon with the good news.

It’s their latest thing-sending each other messages on the days they don’t see each other. Sometimes it's just anecdotes about their day, sometimes it's just food pictures, other times its just silly dog selfies, but all of it, to Mino, adds up to being quite the something.

////

It gets harder to be around Taehyun.

They walk around the farmers’ market, holding hands, and Mino nods as Taehyun points at the different produce on offer. He smiles when it’s appropriate, dutifully shoves their purchases into the canvas bag Taehyun insists upon, and tries to look interested when Taehyun engages a vendor about a new recipe featuring fennel and purple carrots.

As Mino gazes down at his hands, one holding a bag of produce and the other loosing entwined with Taehyun’s, he has two life-altering epiphanies.

The first is notable if only for being utterly underwhelming. Song Mino realized his life could be summed up as such: purple carrots and Taehyun.

Which leads to the second epiphany-that is remarkable only in that at one time it had been wholly unfathomable-Song Mino doesn’t want any of it.

Not purple carrots.

And not Taehyun.

////

Mino starts looking for a new apartment the next day, starts viewing a few listings on his lunch breaks.

////

Coming home late after signing the lease on his new place, Mino looked about the space he had called home for the past several years. Feeling more sentimental than he had in a long time in regards to his relationship with Taehyun, Mino walked into their bedroom-still their bedroom-and took a photo strip Taehyun had pressed into the frame of the mirror.

It was one of his favorite moments.

He and Taehyun had been wandering around at night, still trying to get to know one another, when they came across an old arcade. Grinning, Taehyun had sprinted towards the place, and they proceeded to spend an ungodly amount of money on the different gaming machines. Mino had even tried, for nearly an hour, to win a prize for Taehyun from one of those wretched claw machines.

Defeated and newly poor, Taehyun had tended to his bruised ego by pulling him into a photobooth and promptly sitting on his lap. There, they kissed and made faces at the camera as it snapped their photos.

It would forever be the moment Mino first realized that he had fallen in love with Taehyun.

Pocketing the strip, Mino began to throw his things in a couple suitcases while he waited for Taehyun to arrive home.

He doesn’t arrive until nearly 3am.

Taehyun tries to slip in as noiselessly as possible, but it was of little use. Mino is sitting in the living room, waiting for him with a scowl on his face.

Mino flicks on a light, and what he sees is the last thing he expected.

Taehyun is standing in their living room-hair disheveled, buttons missing from his shirt, smelling of distinctly of alcohol and…sex. Mino could make out a rather large, purple love bite blossoming on his neck.

“Mino-”

“What the hell?” he yells, jumping to his feet.

Taehyun wears a look that is a combination of remorse, panic, and fear. “I can explain. Please, Mino, don’t be mad,” he pleads, voice quivering.

“Explain what?” Mino spits. “The fact that you look freshly fucked by someone that was obviously not me?”

Taehyun’s face crumbles and he wraps his arms around his body, tears falling from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry,” he cries. “It was a mistake! Please, Mino… please…”

“Who was it?” Mino demands, grabbing Taehyun’s arms. He’s shocked and confused and so so angry because this wasn’t ever supposed to happen. They had made promises to one another. The things that Mino believed were true...

But Taehyun just shakes his head and cries. Mino grips Taehyun’s chin, forcing the younger boy to look at him. “Who was it?" he repeats, sick to his stomach. "Tell me who the fuck it was!”

He can barely make out the name that escapes Taehyun’s lips. He whispers brokenly, weeping hard at the confession.

“Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon had called him up and all but begged Taehyun to come out. He had just finished his demo, the master copy in his hands, and he wanted to celebrate. "It's finally done!" Seungyoon had exclaimed happily on the phone. There was no way Taehyun could refuse.

Grabbing his keys, Taehyun had hesitated before deciding against calling Mino. These days, Mino almost never answered his calls, and the replies to his messages-if Taehyun was lucky enough to get one-were brief, non-committal, and completely unsatisfying.

Now there was a word to describe their relationship of late.

Instead, Taehyun scribbled a note and tacked it up on the refrigerator door before slipping out of their apartment.

When Taheyun finally finds him at the club, Seungyoon greets him with his usual boyish grin on his face. “You made it!” he says a little sloppily, throwing his arms around the older boy.

“Congratulations, Seungyoon,” Taehyun squeezes him gently. “I’m so proud of you!”

“I couldn’t have done it without your help, you know,” Seungyoon says shyly, face slightly flushed from alcohol. “So I’m buying the first round.”

“Only the first?” Taehyun quips.

Seungyoon only laughs, and leads the way to the bar.

The music was hypnotic, the beat pulsing through his veins as he danced with Seungyoon. Taehyun hadn’t felt this good-this relaxed-in ages, and it was so easy to give in to the sway of the bodies surrounding him, the familiar and comforting presence of Seungyoon at his side.

He had pushed all thoughts and worries about Mino and their relationship to the back of his mind. For once-tonight-he wouldn’t be sad over Song Mino.

Through the haze of alcohol and the push of skin on skin, Taehyun couldn’t be sure who initiated the first kiss, but he was certain that it was Seungyoon who smiled up at him before reaching up to pull him in for another.

And another.

And another.

They end up back at Seungyoon’s where they fuck on his aunt’s bed, knocking over one of her plants in the process. It was different without Mino, but not in a bad way. Taehyun had known-had always known-that Seungyoon liked him more than he ought. And under Seungyoon’s attentions, Taehyun gave himself over to he feeling of being cherished. Of being desired. Cared for.

Wanted.

“Seungyoon? You cheated on me with-with Seungyoon?” Mino asks, incredulously.

“I-I was lonely and Seungyoon confessed that he loved me…”

Seungyoon loves Taehyun.

Mino could feel his anger drain from his body, his limbs growing heavy and cold. All of his heat, all of his wrath is replaced with feelings of disbelief and the worst kind of betrayal. All at once, the world shifts under his feet, and he can't seem to find his bearings.

Taehyun grabs his hand. “It didn’t mean anything, Mino, please believe me. It was a mistake. I-I love you.”

Mino feels his chest constrict, the words piercing straight though him as his world tilts and tilts and tilts and refuses to right itself. He shakes his head, gasps for air, and doesn’t say it back.

"You cheated on me," he whispers. He's putting together sounds and syllables and somewhere they make a sentence but still-but still-they don't make sense.

Nothing is making sense.

“I can’t believe you cheated on me,” he says brokenly, looking at Taehyun as if seeing him for the first time. There is a relentless throbbing behind his temples as his mind tries to understand only to falter. "You said you'd never betray me. I trusted you, Taehyun. After everything, all my insecurities, you made me believe you."

At his side, Taehyun weeps openly.

As Mino watches Taehyun fall apart, he can't help remember that, once, they had been happy. That Mino had loved Taehyun. Loved him so much he thought he couldn't live without him.

Where did they go so horribly wrong?

Right, wrong, loyalty, fidelity, love… all of them turned to dust in his grasp. Having flown too close to the sun, Mino is now struck by his over-whelming sense of loss.

"You're still the one I want," Taehyun whispers brokenly. "You have to believe that it didn't mean anything to me."

Mino pulls his hand out of Taehyun’s hold.

"It means something to me," Mino says wretchedly, gesturing to the suitcases placed inconspicuously in the hallway. “I was going to tell you tonight.”

It’s Taehyun’s turn to struggle with reality as he eyes Mino's packed suitcases, the glaring evidence of all their failures. “I-” he tries, dread causing fresh tears to once again pool in his eyes. “W-What are you saying, Mino?”

It is a curious phenomenon, all the emotions that descend upon him. It’s as close to an out-of-body experience as Mino’s ever had-watching himself reveal his secret to Taehyun. He observes, with morbid curiosity, the way Taehyun shatters under the weight of his words.

Oh, but he’s not done yet.

“I’m in love with Seungyoon.”

He's swimming.

He must be.

He can't see for the water in his eyes. The water in his throat.

The can't breathe for the pressure on his shoulders, in his lungs. His heart beats widely in protest, slamming against his ribcage.

He's sinking.

The world is dimming, soundless. It grows cold around him.

It is no world Taehyun recognizes.

"What?" he gasps, resurfacing.

He finds himself wanting to default to the things that made him feel safe. Mino. His comforting touch. His reassuring words. Chaste kisses against his forehead. The brush of fingertips against his cheek.

But as he stands in their living room, Taehyun begins to comprehend a new meaning of loneliness. Of the cruel new world which he finds himself in, where lovers turn on each other, and comfort is had to come by.

He stands in this cruel new world, and his best friend is currently breaking his heart.

"I fell in love with Seungyoon," Mino repeats, and he has the audacity to look apologetic for it. "I-I didn't mean for it to happen. I just…I'm sorry, Taehyun."

Taehyun wants to scream because how dare he. How dare Mino be upset with him for sleeping with Seungyoon when Mino went ahead and fell in love with him! And more than that, how dare Mino stand there and looking sorry, staring at him with pitying eyes.

He forces his chin up. "Why?" he asks, but even to his ears he sounds broken.

Mino looks away. "He just-He's nice. He's easy to talk to…"

"Well, I'm glad you were willing to throw away our years together for someone nice."

Mino scoffs. "You're in exactly innocent in this either, Taehyun."

"No," Taehyun nods. "But the difference between us is that I wasn't lying when I said I loved you."

Mino finds he doesn't quite have anything to that. Instead his eyes land on the hickey on Taehyun's neck. Jealousy quickly replaces shame, anger sweeps aside guilt.

"He reminded me of you," he reveals with a surprisingly steady voice, meeting Taehyun's look of confusion. "He's spirited, and driven. So full of life. He's got this spark… that same spark you used to have."

"So you were just going to trade me in for a younger, newer, sparkly version?" Taehyun asks bitterly.

"Don't say it like that," Mino frowns. "It wasn't like that."

"It sounds exactly like that," Taehyun retorts. "And if I did lose whatever fucking spark I might have had, I did it for you!"

"No one asked you to, Taehyun!" Mino cries in frustration. "How many times did I ask you about your music, about quitting that stupid job? I didn't want you to be trapped with me-to be another me living a boring life. I tried, Taehyun. I wanted to give you everything, be everything for you, so you could just be…the you I fell in love with."

Taehyun staggers backwards, feeling the weight of Mino's words like a punch in the gut.

"You're so full of shit," Taehyun says, shaking his head to chase away his tears. "You say that, but would you honestly think I was so great if I had gone on tour, if I left to pursue those dreams? I gave those things up because I chose you, remember? Because I thought what we had was better and meant more to me than anything else. I chose you, Mino. And I thought you chose me too."

Mino has to look away, chasten as he is. Because it's true. Once upon a time, he had chosen Taehyun. And, once upon a time, it had been the best decision he had ever made.

He wonders, briefly, where all his conviction went.

Mino stares at Taehyun helplessly, wanting to understand. How did everything they built together, how did everything they meant to each other… how could all of that mean so little in the end? That they should end up like this?

It had all gone so horribly wrong.

"What happened to us?" The words slip from Mino's lips before he could stop them. The fight in him is gone, dissipated from his veins and leaving behind nothing but acute awareness of everything they had been keeping back, of everything they had been keeping from each other. "How did we get here?"

Across the way, Taehyun sinks into their couch, defeated. "I don't know," he replies sorrowfully.

Mino glances once more across his pillows, staring at the man lucky enough to find himself in the throes of a dreamless sleep. Emotional, exhausted, they had both collapsed into bed, each keeping to one side.

Everything was unknown and strange and so painful that they couldn't allow themselves the small comfort of a familiar touch.

Eventually, Taehyun found rest, nestling into his pillow, all sniffles and damp hair from his shower. Mino envies him. Dawn is breaking and he’s so, so tired, but sleep continues to elude him. His mind simply refuses to slow down.

Seungyoon was in love with Taehyun.

But Taehyun was in love with him. Maybe.

At the moment Mino isn’t sure what he feels. And for whom.

Because he had been so sure, so certain, that there was something happening between him and Seungyoon. Their endless chats, their evening walks, their clandestine messages. That moment in the rain. Listening to music on the street. All of it, he thought, had meant something. Something more than just friendship and casual sex.

But then, Seungyoon was in love with Taehyun.

Humiliation burns his skin. All this time, through everything, it was clear that Mino had misinterpreted all of Seungyoon’s good will, his smiles, his laughter. Mino had fancied himself in love with his spark, only to realize now that it was never for him.

And then there was Taehyun.

When he had come home that night, evidence of his affair all over his body, Mino's heart had plummeted at the sight. Even now, the thought that Taehyun had chosen to be intimate with someone else, had given someone else Mino's rightful place, makes his stomach churn. And he knows what that sounds like-what it makes him-considering he had been planning his own exit from their relationship for weeks now, but Mino had honestly thought he and Taehyun had reached their end. That their relationship had run its course. His attraction to Seungyoon was certainly evidence of that, wasn't it?

But if that were true, why did Mino feel so sick at the thought that Taehyun might now leave him?

Remembering Taehyun's confession of loneliness, Mino considers the role he might have played in forcing him into another man's arms. How his actions might have contributed to the deterioration of intimacy in their relationship, and how things might have been different had he never approached Taehyun to bring a third into their bedroom.

Maybe then, he and Taehyun would still be okay.

But maybe they still could be.

Because, despite everything, Taehyun is still the one in his bed and at his side. Taehyun, who had once been his entire world. Taehyun, who had loved him. Who maybe still did.

Soft sunlight filters through the curtains.

Mino watches as it chases away the lingering shadows.

He turns towards Taehyun, gazing at his sleeping form with new wonder.

Maybe they still could be.

End