(no subject)
I feel very restless right now. Like there is something I need to be doing, something to keep myself busy and I don't know what it is. It's almost 12am, I have a shitload of work to do tomorrow, not to mention I am exhausted from last night's bar expedition, and I can't sleep. Why is it that I can fall asleep as quick as anything when I am doing readings for a boring class, but when it needs to happen it never does? My mind is racing right now and I hate it. This weekend was a tough one for me, I really missed Nick. To be honest, it's a lot easier to go weeks without seeing him than it is to spend a lot of time with him (two weeks at Christmas, for example) and then having to get on a bus back to Peterborough. Anyway, I don't really want to get myself riled up, so suffice it to say it was a tough weekend all around.
But for some reason that isn't what's on my mid right now. I am going through this purging phase, getting rid of old clothes, organizing all of my notes from last year into file folders, getting my agenda organized to help me get through the next couple of months. I am at that precarious position where I just want to give up and just go to my classes and hand in papers. But you know what? I am not that type of person and instead I am the type of obsesses over my marks, as if they are some statement of who I am. The amazing feeling I got from looking at my grades last Friday does it though, it's like, frig I worked my ASS off and got results. This term is going to be stressful. Reading three to four books a week, 10 papers and three in class exams before April. Plus the show, which is only going to snowball before all of us actually go crazy. Oh God. Anyway, that isn't anything that anyone else isn't going through and I am not in the mood to be a whiner, so whatever.
I feel nostalgic right now. I have been looking through a lot of my pictures because I want to put up more on my walls. I am writing notes to people back home and trying to keep up with my friends here that I don't get to hang out with very often. For some reason (well, actually I know the reason but it's not anything I want to talk about in here) since the Christmas break I have been on this mission to not have any loose ends- to tie up everything that has been bugging me or that I feel at odds about. Somethings I can't change, and I know that. But as far as everything else in life, I am determined to not live it in the past. It makes me nervous, to be honest, to think about heading back to Bradford after exams are over. Not only because of the family situation (oh it is going to be a TREAT moving back after living on my own for a year!) but everything else. Last summer was way too hard with the friend situation and I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I missed everyone from Trent way too much and it made the four months of summer very long indeed. This summer [hopefully] will be different. I am going to work as much as I did last year, because obviously I can't afford not to, but I am not going to waste my summer being resentful of my situation or wishing the months away.
Anyway, that is WAY down the line and I should be enjoying the rest of the year while it's still in front of me. I don't know how joyful it will be but I am not going to wish away the weeks, looking forward to the next time I go home (next weekend) or the next extended break I have (reading week).
Frig I should be a motivational speaker or something.
Anyway, I am off.
T/
But for some reason that isn't what's on my mid right now. I am going through this purging phase, getting rid of old clothes, organizing all of my notes from last year into file folders, getting my agenda organized to help me get through the next couple of months. I am at that precarious position where I just want to give up and just go to my classes and hand in papers. But you know what? I am not that type of person and instead I am the type of obsesses over my marks, as if they are some statement of who I am. The amazing feeling I got from looking at my grades last Friday does it though, it's like, frig I worked my ASS off and got results. This term is going to be stressful. Reading three to four books a week, 10 papers and three in class exams before April. Plus the show, which is only going to snowball before all of us actually go crazy. Oh God. Anyway, that isn't anything that anyone else isn't going through and I am not in the mood to be a whiner, so whatever.
I feel nostalgic right now. I have been looking through a lot of my pictures because I want to put up more on my walls. I am writing notes to people back home and trying to keep up with my friends here that I don't get to hang out with very often. For some reason (well, actually I know the reason but it's not anything I want to talk about in here) since the Christmas break I have been on this mission to not have any loose ends- to tie up everything that has been bugging me or that I feel at odds about. Somethings I can't change, and I know that. But as far as everything else in life, I am determined to not live it in the past. It makes me nervous, to be honest, to think about heading back to Bradford after exams are over. Not only because of the family situation (oh it is going to be a TREAT moving back after living on my own for a year!) but everything else. Last summer was way too hard with the friend situation and I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I missed everyone from Trent way too much and it made the four months of summer very long indeed. This summer [hopefully] will be different. I am going to work as much as I did last year, because obviously I can't afford not to, but I am not going to waste my summer being resentful of my situation or wishing the months away.
Anyway, that is WAY down the line and I should be enjoying the rest of the year while it's still in front of me. I don't know how joyful it will be but I am not going to wish away the weeks, looking forward to the next time I go home (next weekend) or the next extended break I have (reading week).
Frig I should be a motivational speaker or something.
Anyway, I am off.
T/