.. rant
Grrr I can't sleep. I am so restless lately and it is starting to hurt. I am up way too late at night (okay so maybe 1215am isn't THAT late, but still ... not sleeping when you want to sucks). I have had so much on my plate this week, what with studying for exams (among other things, which I will get to in a bit) - mostly trying to get myself ready to write this exam tomorrow. The Early Romantics, with my three favourite guys Blake, Wordsworth, and Coleridge. Oh God. I am so surprised I have not completely lost my mind over this course. I hate it to begin with so getting down to studying was absolute torture all this week. I managed to get in a lot of it though and so I am feeling pretty prepared for the exam tomorrow. The thing I am worried about is that I will get into a "okay, let's get this over with" attitude and then not do my best because I am so eager to finish it.
I am frustrated with this entire thing, to be honest. I have spent hours studying for this piece of shit exam worth 30% of my mark and I feel like I have completely cut myself off from everyone else- ENGL 212 has officially become my life for the past four days. I am completely on edge about it too, and the guys and I are getting a lot snappier at each other. This could be because we spend ridiculous amounts of time around one another and people are bound to get on each other's nerves when you are basically joined at the hip (with three guys ... hmmmm.... weird). But I notice them getting meaner to each other too. Mark can be so friggin mean to Tom when he wants to, but Tom totally instigates Mark's attacks. Tom will make a joke, everyone will laugh at it, Mark will realize that everyone is laughing at Tom's joke and, to steal the limelight, will make a crack to Tom, Tom will make a crack back that pushes Mark's buttons .... and on and on and on. Oh God, I have turned into their friggin mediator, which really isn't any change from the ordinary but it gets to the point where it's like "okay guys, you have been arguing for twenty minutes about whether Toshiba laptops are good (Tom's opinion) or shitty (Mark's). Drop it." Bah! It just gets me so frustrated, because they aren't even fighting over anything worth while. But you know what? I could literally rant about this forever and I don't feel like getting myself all riled up.
There has just been so much going on, but nothing at all at the same time, you know? Like exams, yes. But I am not used to doing nothing all day (except for exam prep, but you know what I mean- no theatre stuff, no class, no Exec, no readings) and I have spent more time in my housecoat in the past couple of days than I care to admit. We have pretty much made a no-pants rule in the house - housecoats or PJs only. How sad. The same routine ever day, except different. Get up around 930, work out, call Nick, eat breakfast, shower, get back into PJs, study until dinner, eat, watch TV til bed. Today I went downtown to the LCBO on Lansdowne to get a Christmas gift for Nick’s parents. This errand should have taken twenty minutes, max- especially because I already knew walking in there exactly what I was getting them. As it ends up, the LCBO is as fun to look around in as the mall and I ended up spending almost an HOUR there. Sweet Jesus! I don’t know if I did it to procrastinate from studying or because I really, really like wine. Anyway, so I was taking the bus home and saw this really cool thing. A younger woman with a stroller was struggling to get on the bus and this guy from the back of the bus runs down to help her get the stroller on. The guy ended up knowing the woman in the first place and they started talking. They were standing up in front of a row of seats, where this older woman was sitting by herself. Both the guy and the young woman looked kind of rough- tattoos, piercings, and their language was a bit rough. The guy breaks into this story about his “bitch” who trampled his cell phone. At this point, you would think the older woman would be getting a little nervous, right? Well no, she moves over so the guy can have a seat beside her. It went against every stereotype I know and I was blown away.
I love people watching, especially on the bus. There is this one Trent bus driver, a younger guy with kind of frizzy black hair and he’s a bit overweight. Well anyway, he carts around this old school CD player and listens to the radio when he driving. This sounds a bit creepy, but I am absolutely fascinated with his fingers. He has this amazing sense of rhythm that he just pounds out on the wheel and I find myself spellbound. I always find myself thinking about what is going through his head as he drives the same route, over and over, for a bunch University students who really couldn’t give a shit about his life as long as he shows up on time. I always think that he could secretly want to be in a band, or something. Do you ever do that? Think about what people must be underneath? Take our professors, for example. Don’t you ever think about what they are like at home, with their kids, families? I think that about the ones I love the most, the ones that inspire me to be a better teacher. Do they know the effect they have on other people, or do they just return to their depressing, empty apartments after a day of lecturing? I know, this sounds ridiculously Hollywoodized but I find myself thinking this all the time. And I wonder if people think that way about me. Not people I know, because they don’t have to guess what I do or think. But people that see me on the bus, in class, at the grocery store. I wonder what first impression I make. Hmm. I think I am being way too deep for this late at night on this little sleep.
Bah I feel like my whole life is like that lately, being far too analytical. Something happened to me this week (no, it has nothing to do with Nick) that I don’t really feel like talking about, at least not here. But let’s just say that it turned my life a bit upside down and I am putting myself in a very vulnerable spot and I hate that. Everyone who knows me knows that I would hate that. So, needless to say, it has been on my mind and I can’t sleep at night, thinking about it. It’s a bit ridiculous, to be honest. The one time that I should be catching up on sleep, a bunch of other stuff is stopping me from doing just that!
Oh well, onto bigger and better things. Tomorrow I am getting up late, going for lunch with Sarah, writing this ridiculous exam and then starting up studying for the next one (Saturday morning). Nick is coming over around 8ish to stay over night and snuggle, and then after my exam on Saturday we are heading down to the Eaton’s Centre for a day of shopping. I am pretty excited about it, to be honest. We are staying overnight at the Delta Chelsea and then I am taking a bus back to Peterborough Sunday afternoon. Here’s the fun part. I am getting into town at 3pm and at 730pm a group of people are coming over to study for my Children’s Literature exam, which is on Tuesday. Now, at this point, I will have done pretty much no studying for this exam, so you can only imagine how well this study group is going to go. Oh well, I don’t even care any more. I want it to be this time next week, where I will be home, away from studying and learning and thinking. And it will be Christmas soon. Oh God I am excited!
Anyway I’m heading to bed.
T/
I am frustrated with this entire thing, to be honest. I have spent hours studying for this piece of shit exam worth 30% of my mark and I feel like I have completely cut myself off from everyone else- ENGL 212 has officially become my life for the past four days. I am completely on edge about it too, and the guys and I are getting a lot snappier at each other. This could be because we spend ridiculous amounts of time around one another and people are bound to get on each other's nerves when you are basically joined at the hip (with three guys ... hmmmm.... weird). But I notice them getting meaner to each other too. Mark can be so friggin mean to Tom when he wants to, but Tom totally instigates Mark's attacks. Tom will make a joke, everyone will laugh at it, Mark will realize that everyone is laughing at Tom's joke and, to steal the limelight, will make a crack to Tom, Tom will make a crack back that pushes Mark's buttons .... and on and on and on. Oh God, I have turned into their friggin mediator, which really isn't any change from the ordinary but it gets to the point where it's like "okay guys, you have been arguing for twenty minutes about whether Toshiba laptops are good (Tom's opinion) or shitty (Mark's). Drop it." Bah! It just gets me so frustrated, because they aren't even fighting over anything worth while. But you know what? I could literally rant about this forever and I don't feel like getting myself all riled up.
There has just been so much going on, but nothing at all at the same time, you know? Like exams, yes. But I am not used to doing nothing all day (except for exam prep, but you know what I mean- no theatre stuff, no class, no Exec, no readings) and I have spent more time in my housecoat in the past couple of days than I care to admit. We have pretty much made a no-pants rule in the house - housecoats or PJs only. How sad. The same routine ever day, except different. Get up around 930, work out, call Nick, eat breakfast, shower, get back into PJs, study until dinner, eat, watch TV til bed. Today I went downtown to the LCBO on Lansdowne to get a Christmas gift for Nick’s parents. This errand should have taken twenty minutes, max- especially because I already knew walking in there exactly what I was getting them. As it ends up, the LCBO is as fun to look around in as the mall and I ended up spending almost an HOUR there. Sweet Jesus! I don’t know if I did it to procrastinate from studying or because I really, really like wine. Anyway, so I was taking the bus home and saw this really cool thing. A younger woman with a stroller was struggling to get on the bus and this guy from the back of the bus runs down to help her get the stroller on. The guy ended up knowing the woman in the first place and they started talking. They were standing up in front of a row of seats, where this older woman was sitting by herself. Both the guy and the young woman looked kind of rough- tattoos, piercings, and their language was a bit rough. The guy breaks into this story about his “bitch” who trampled his cell phone. At this point, you would think the older woman would be getting a little nervous, right? Well no, she moves over so the guy can have a seat beside her. It went against every stereotype I know and I was blown away.
I love people watching, especially on the bus. There is this one Trent bus driver, a younger guy with kind of frizzy black hair and he’s a bit overweight. Well anyway, he carts around this old school CD player and listens to the radio when he driving. This sounds a bit creepy, but I am absolutely fascinated with his fingers. He has this amazing sense of rhythm that he just pounds out on the wheel and I find myself spellbound. I always find myself thinking about what is going through his head as he drives the same route, over and over, for a bunch University students who really couldn’t give a shit about his life as long as he shows up on time. I always think that he could secretly want to be in a band, or something. Do you ever do that? Think about what people must be underneath? Take our professors, for example. Don’t you ever think about what they are like at home, with their kids, families? I think that about the ones I love the most, the ones that inspire me to be a better teacher. Do they know the effect they have on other people, or do they just return to their depressing, empty apartments after a day of lecturing? I know, this sounds ridiculously Hollywoodized but I find myself thinking this all the time. And I wonder if people think that way about me. Not people I know, because they don’t have to guess what I do or think. But people that see me on the bus, in class, at the grocery store. I wonder what first impression I make. Hmm. I think I am being way too deep for this late at night on this little sleep.
Bah I feel like my whole life is like that lately, being far too analytical. Something happened to me this week (no, it has nothing to do with Nick) that I don’t really feel like talking about, at least not here. But let’s just say that it turned my life a bit upside down and I am putting myself in a very vulnerable spot and I hate that. Everyone who knows me knows that I would hate that. So, needless to say, it has been on my mind and I can’t sleep at night, thinking about it. It’s a bit ridiculous, to be honest. The one time that I should be catching up on sleep, a bunch of other stuff is stopping me from doing just that!
Oh well, onto bigger and better things. Tomorrow I am getting up late, going for lunch with Sarah, writing this ridiculous exam and then starting up studying for the next one (Saturday morning). Nick is coming over around 8ish to stay over night and snuggle, and then after my exam on Saturday we are heading down to the Eaton’s Centre for a day of shopping. I am pretty excited about it, to be honest. We are staying overnight at the Delta Chelsea and then I am taking a bus back to Peterborough Sunday afternoon. Here’s the fun part. I am getting into town at 3pm and at 730pm a group of people are coming over to study for my Children’s Literature exam, which is on Tuesday. Now, at this point, I will have done pretty much no studying for this exam, so you can only imagine how well this study group is going to go. Oh well, I don’t even care any more. I want it to be this time next week, where I will be home, away from studying and learning and thinking. And it will be Christmas soon. Oh God I am excited!
Anyway I’m heading to bed.
T/