(no subject)
well i know that i haven't been the greatest boyfriend in the world. its not that ive been mean or abusive or anything like that. it's just sometimes i forget whats important and get comfortable with things. its not that i don't care, just that i lose sight of certain things. i don't do it on purpose. it's not that i stop caring or anything like that. it just happens. i'm a creature of habit, i get caught in circles and i don't even realize it half the time. i love erica. more than i have loved anyone. she means so much to me. i've even caught myself thinking of certain things beginning with the letter M... and thats something thats a big deal for me. i am going to change though. i know whats wrong and i'm going to fix it. get things back the way they were. its not that we have a bad relationship, shes just upset with me and not happy at the moment. i just hope that she doesn't just give up or try to purposely ruin this. in any case, i am in love with her. it hurts just thinking about her being upset or unhappy. and she is... and that hurts even more. it also doesn't help things that my parents talk badly about me. they just don't think i am doing anything to better myself and think i am taking advantage of erica. if i was taking advantage of her i wouldn't really care too much that she was upset, i wouldn't spend every moment with her, i wouldn't rather see her than my friends. i wouldn't tell her to stop buying me things. instead i would just let it happen and ask her to get me things etc. i can't believe they said that. i mean this coming from two people who never ask me how i am doing or what i'm up to. i mean yeah they help me out if i need it... but... they NEVER try to find out how i am or how me an erica are, or anything. fucking pisses me off. makes a little sad too. *sigh* for now though i am more worried about erica and me. i just hope that i sell this stupid cabinet soon so i can have some money. i wanna do something really nice for her on valentines day. but i don't have much money. fuck. well we will see, if all works to plan i should be ok. lets just hope i sell this stupid thing. well i'm gonna go finish some laundry and await erica's phone call. i love you.