(no subject)
So its Sunday and I am organizing/lesson planning/etc. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, get it through my head that I have a job and I live in Hawaii. I'm an adult. Nahh I don't feel like it.
I got my first pay check and had to gasp when I saw how much was taken out for taxes. of course I KNEW that was how much would be taken out, but just in comparison to other part time jobs it is insane. I'm ollddd.
I adore my kids. I cannot make this entry fun or organized or anything because my life and my head are not organized right now. I am pretty confused about everything - not in a bad way. It's just... random thoughts or worries will come into my head.
Like... i love teaching. but it's only been 3 weeks. and if i dont want to keep teaching after 2 years (which is supposedly the plan) then what will i do? If i teach for two years how will i discover what else i would rather be doing? I will be emersed in education and thats it.
we start our classes at UH this week. Yikes. MORE to do. Technically time hasnt been an issue and I'm glad that I'll be getting my masters. I'm not sure why I'm glad if I don't plan to stay in education - maybe i do?
My kids are sooooo wonderful. But i take things to personally. Like i asked them to write a paragraph about how I could be a better teacher... aww. some were so complimentary and cute. others were borderline hurtful. others were obvious. others were just annoying because im sorry but letting them talk and play games would not make me a better teacher.
its hard because my school is restructuring. only about 11% passed the state math test last year and most of them are in the "advanced" math class so only about 5% of my kids passed it. sooo we have to do connected math which isnt scripted but its pretty close. my school is good about giving me freedom but still i dont like the books. and the kids hate them. its alll word problems and they are supposed to figure them out ontheir own. sooo they feel like im not "teaching" them enough and i feel the same way but sigh.. im not supposed to.
i am so glad i am a math teacher. there is no other subject that i would want to teach. my kids hate math but maybe i'll change that? doubtful. i kind of wish i were a high school teacher. 8th grade is an annoying age kind of. the math is also so basic that its frustrating. they cant multiply. they cant divide. they cant reduce fractions. but im supposed to make them do distance = rate x time. the idea of substituting in rates and times and solving for distance is foreign to them. what am i talking about?!
im not as tan as i should be. i need to be more bikini ready to go to the beach as much as i should. i went on a 7 hour hike on the windward side yesterday. whoa that is the hawaii people imagine. green and beautiful. we climbed up waterfalls and stuff. at one point i kinda cracked my head and started to bleed. then a 5 in diameter rock rolled and banged me in the back. tough girl. i felt like i was on lost or something.
we have NO furniture in our living room.. haha except the 3000 dollar tv/dvd/sound system that my one roomate bought. its kind of funny.. in a sad but wonderful way. if he needs it... he can buy it.
as i learn more about hawaii's history (im still completely ignorant) i feel more like whoaaa uhh why are they a state?
i am starting to add yea to the end of my sentences like people here do. My one student always says, "hoooooo miss" so i imitate him. my team teacher who is also tfa says he has a crush on me. i say.. well maybe i attract the 13 year olds what can i say. nooo they dont like me like that. i tower over them. the other day a bug attacked me in class and i said, " i cant help that im delicious" uhh i need to be more teachery. i think they like me though. one said im too soft so last thursday i was a bitch to one class. tomorrow im a bitch to the rest. get them back focused, no messing around.
there are geckos everywhere.
its hot as whoa. seriously i sweat nonstop all day. i have the oldest crappiest classroom. its like a little trailor. and it has only a few windows and lame fans. sooo i sweat. sweat. sweat. but its a good location in the middle of everything so kids are always visiting/hanging out.
where are the sexy men? not anywhere i can see.
i like the boy students so much more than the girls. they actually raise their hands and show some personality. girls just sit there and gossip. sooo its hard to not show favoritism. i hate calling home to parents because whenever i do, the kids "get a lickins" nooo i dont want that! but it gets the kids in line...
this week we have a field trip across the road to play games and eat all day. haha what a field trip! I have to miss an entire day of teaching so they can play.
the week after that we have a field trip to the uss missouri so that should be cool. but again, missing a day of teaching. geeze. achievement gap caused by... lack of time in school perhaps?
when oh when will i come home? dunno. christmas? i cant afford flights. starving teacher = me.
life is good. just exhausting. and emotional. i lie in bed and think about how im doing as a teacher and all the ways i can improve and when i screw up it kills me.
I got my first pay check and had to gasp when I saw how much was taken out for taxes. of course I KNEW that was how much would be taken out, but just in comparison to other part time jobs it is insane. I'm ollddd.
I adore my kids. I cannot make this entry fun or organized or anything because my life and my head are not organized right now. I am pretty confused about everything - not in a bad way. It's just... random thoughts or worries will come into my head.
Like... i love teaching. but it's only been 3 weeks. and if i dont want to keep teaching after 2 years (which is supposedly the plan) then what will i do? If i teach for two years how will i discover what else i would rather be doing? I will be emersed in education and thats it.
we start our classes at UH this week. Yikes. MORE to do. Technically time hasnt been an issue and I'm glad that I'll be getting my masters. I'm not sure why I'm glad if I don't plan to stay in education - maybe i do?
My kids are sooooo wonderful. But i take things to personally. Like i asked them to write a paragraph about how I could be a better teacher... aww. some were so complimentary and cute. others were borderline hurtful. others were obvious. others were just annoying because im sorry but letting them talk and play games would not make me a better teacher.
its hard because my school is restructuring. only about 11% passed the state math test last year and most of them are in the "advanced" math class so only about 5% of my kids passed it. sooo we have to do connected math which isnt scripted but its pretty close. my school is good about giving me freedom but still i dont like the books. and the kids hate them. its alll word problems and they are supposed to figure them out ontheir own. sooo they feel like im not "teaching" them enough and i feel the same way but sigh.. im not supposed to.
i am so glad i am a math teacher. there is no other subject that i would want to teach. my kids hate math but maybe i'll change that? doubtful. i kind of wish i were a high school teacher. 8th grade is an annoying age kind of. the math is also so basic that its frustrating. they cant multiply. they cant divide. they cant reduce fractions. but im supposed to make them do distance = rate x time. the idea of substituting in rates and times and solving for distance is foreign to them. what am i talking about?!
im not as tan as i should be. i need to be more bikini ready to go to the beach as much as i should. i went on a 7 hour hike on the windward side yesterday. whoa that is the hawaii people imagine. green and beautiful. we climbed up waterfalls and stuff. at one point i kinda cracked my head and started to bleed. then a 5 in diameter rock rolled and banged me in the back. tough girl. i felt like i was on lost or something.
we have NO furniture in our living room.. haha except the 3000 dollar tv/dvd/sound system that my one roomate bought. its kind of funny.. in a sad but wonderful way. if he needs it... he can buy it.
as i learn more about hawaii's history (im still completely ignorant) i feel more like whoaaa uhh why are they a state?
i am starting to add yea to the end of my sentences like people here do. My one student always says, "hoooooo miss" so i imitate him. my team teacher who is also tfa says he has a crush on me. i say.. well maybe i attract the 13 year olds what can i say. nooo they dont like me like that. i tower over them. the other day a bug attacked me in class and i said, " i cant help that im delicious" uhh i need to be more teachery. i think they like me though. one said im too soft so last thursday i was a bitch to one class. tomorrow im a bitch to the rest. get them back focused, no messing around.
there are geckos everywhere.
its hot as whoa. seriously i sweat nonstop all day. i have the oldest crappiest classroom. its like a little trailor. and it has only a few windows and lame fans. sooo i sweat. sweat. sweat. but its a good location in the middle of everything so kids are always visiting/hanging out.
where are the sexy men? not anywhere i can see.
i like the boy students so much more than the girls. they actually raise their hands and show some personality. girls just sit there and gossip. sooo its hard to not show favoritism. i hate calling home to parents because whenever i do, the kids "get a lickins" nooo i dont want that! but it gets the kids in line...
this week we have a field trip across the road to play games and eat all day. haha what a field trip! I have to miss an entire day of teaching so they can play.
the week after that we have a field trip to the uss missouri so that should be cool. but again, missing a day of teaching. geeze. achievement gap caused by... lack of time in school perhaps?
when oh when will i come home? dunno. christmas? i cant afford flights. starving teacher = me.
life is good. just exhausting. and emotional. i lie in bed and think about how im doing as a teacher and all the ways i can improve and when i screw up it kills me.