On being a mum thus far
Sometimes I feel I'm faring pretty well as a first-time mum: I'm the main caregiver who's able to bathe, feed, change baby all by myself, understand most of her cues and put her to bed, albeit with a bit of pacifying and rocking, opps. I even made myself brave enough to bring her out on my own, both in stroller and carrier, both for makan and shopping, before she even hit 3 months, so that we wouldn't always be stuck at home. Heck, I even drove her out alone to fetch hubby from work and that made me very proud of myself. Somehow these proves that I can handle baby on my own and even the hubz is not as reluctant to let me bring her out now (actually I don't even know if the hubz dare bring her out, so far he hasn't tried yet *smug look*). And thus far, xiao tang yuan smiles at and (baby)talks to me the most.
However there are also bad days when I feel like I'm a lousy mum. I still rem how I made her finger bleed when cutting her fingernails, how she screamed when the lotion bottle hit her on the forehead because I positioned the bottle wrongly and it toppled, how I sometimes get angry at her when she doesn't calm down when cranky, how I caused her to have pus on her big toe due to ingrown nail.
But I love her so much. I tell her every day that I love her so much and I wish she feel loved. I wish I can be a good mum, not just in raising or teaching her but being able to be a pillar of support to her; someone she won't end up hating or drifting from. I guess for now, it's just gotta be learning on the 'job'.
However there are also bad days when I feel like I'm a lousy mum. I still rem how I made her finger bleed when cutting her fingernails, how she screamed when the lotion bottle hit her on the forehead because I positioned the bottle wrongly and it toppled, how I sometimes get angry at her when she doesn't calm down when cranky, how I caused her to have pus on her big toe due to ingrown nail.
But I love her so much. I tell her every day that I love her so much and I wish she feel loved. I wish I can be a good mum, not just in raising or teaching her but being able to be a pillar of support to her; someone she won't end up hating or drifting from. I guess for now, it's just gotta be learning on the 'job'.