Re: excuses
anonymous
January 25 2006, 19:58:38 UTC
i'm still waiting on a decent excuse.
tell me you were kidnapped by a gigantesque sparkling sage-green dragon-fairy named sheiladona who snatched you away to the land of rainbow scented lavender apples and baobab trees. and there you were fed bowls of wax chocolate and fruitloop flavored pickles, and given glasses of crimson milk. they covered you in feathers of gold and copper then took you up to the highest point of stone mountain, georgia, while you were sleep from the drugs they had put in the silk of the mocassins you were wearing. you couldnt write because, after you finally woke, first of all, you found yourself on stone mountain far (but not too far) away from your computer, second of all, because you werent sure anyone would listen if you tried to tell them the truth (you can trust me, really), and thirdly, because you were given beautiful carnival hands by the paid artists of the king of the land of rainbow scented lavender apples and baobab trees. you thought that if you were to put your hands on anything the miraculous colors might disappear - or even! fade! but, the joke was on you, because the colors had been tattooed. at which point you were distressed, so that's number four. number five involves not wanting to tell me that you had carnival hands because you knew i had work to do and since i care about carnival hands more than almost anything else in the world - i'd be right there - and you'd put me in a difficult position since you're on stone mountain and i'm in tuscaloosa - but i'd NEED to see you (with your carnival hands) and i'd be forced to drive, which i hate doing - because i wouldnt want anyone else to take me for fear that they might like your carnival hands and you'd be re-kidnapped. besides, i never drive my car anymore, nor carry all my groceries - and it is dangerous to drive long distances with decomposing (forget atrophied) arm muscles. so, being as considerate as you are, and knowing that if something happened to me you'd have to explain to my family the situation - you chose not to tell me because it seemed just too much bother and hazard. sigh. i suppose i can try to understand - though i'm hurt that you wouldnt share such an amazing experience with me...sigh. maybe next time you are snatched away by a gigantesque sparkling sage-green dragon-fairy named sheiladona... lunch was weird - nice once the random people were gone. :-D hope lab work goes well...and quirkey's too...
How did you know?? I suppose I can't keep any secrets from you. Sheiladona must have posted pictures of all that transpired on her facebook account. Putain!
I thought about sharing the experience with you, and I was thinking about doing so last night, but I had a bad case of carpet burn, then at lunch today there were too many distractions. However, to explain why my hands look normal, i got them to re-tatoo skin-pigment color on to my hands and even transplant hair on to the backs of them. The surgeons thought it would be best to use my own hair from my head, but I told them you'd be terribly disapointed if my hair were shorter when you saw me next. Fortunately there was a gorilla being kept in the next room. He'd been in a coma for the past 7 years after falling out of an oak tree (you see this gorilla was seperated from his birth mother and raised by squirels, he thought he was one and so climbed oak trees in search of acorns. Unfortunately oak trees are often the homes of woodpeckers... one day a woodpecker mistook this massive creature sitting in an oak tree for a branch [b/c no woodpecker in Georgia would expect to see a gorilla in a tree]. Thinking he was a branch the woodpecker began to peck the gorilla. This startled the gorilla and he fell out of the tree, landed head first, and was in a coma ever since). So, since this gorilla showed no signs of recovery the surgeons assumed that they could take some hair from the gorilla and by the time he woke up he'd have regrown it. However, unbeknownst to the doctors, this gorilla suffered from severe hemophilia. So as they began to pluck hairs from the gorilla he began to bleed. They didn't notice until after they got enough hair for one of my hands, but it was brought to their attention by the gorilla himself! Apparently the pain from the plucking awoke him! Needless to say he was upset and wanted to know what was going on. The doctors and I explained everything to him. He seemed alright at first but wanted to know why, if i liked this Governor Winthrope so much that I didn't want hair from my head removed, did i not just keep the carnival hands- since she'd obviously be a fan of those. I went on to tell the gorilla that while I knew she'd like my hands tatooed, she'd like them too much. She'd never want to part from them and she wouldn't be able to get work done this semester... or perhaps it would keep her from going to France next year to teach. When the gorilla saw that I was doing this for self-less reasons and because I wanted the best life for another, he offered to let the surgeons continue in the hair removal/transplant process so that my hands would match and Gov. Winthrope would be able to be happy and not distracted with the knowledge that under my normal looking skin-toned hands were carnival hands. It was because of this kind gesture of the gorilla that now on valentine's day the symbol of the bleeding gorilla is so prevalent. That image shows true selfless love. As another aside, this gorilla did go on to live a happy life. The coma seemed to cause amnesia, so he forgot that he thought he was a squirel and started doing more safe gorilla-y things (such as eating bananas and giving tours in hot air baloons). As you can see that would have been a long explanation... and that's just the explanation of what happened, not all my thoughts about it! Really, the main problem with the carnival hands is not that you wouldn't be able to leave them b/c they were so attracting. You are reasonable enough not to let something like that keep you from going to france. However, you likely would enjoy looking at them. So, since you'd want to see them whenever we were around that would cut back on (perhaps cut out entirely!) the worminess of my hands. You'd not want them hidden underneath a shirt or trousers if they were so brightly colored. You'd want them out in the open to be viewed. While I like having carnival hands at times, I don't think that they should overtake the wormy component of my hands. There must be a balance. Speaking of such balance, we need to paint.
Assuming sheiladona doesn't get ahold of me again and Fred isn't in Quirkey's all night I really will update my livejournal.
Re: excuses
anonymous
January 26 2006, 00:49:44 UTC
hahahahahaha. that was an impressive inclusion of the bleeding gorilla (rather disturbing still, but, impressive nevertheless). how did the gorilla EVER get full off of acorns??? do woodpeckers always peck things that are out of the usual? do they just assume that anything they dont know is a tree? hmm. would you save a woodpecker from the chimney? i still think you could have at least SHOWN me the carnival hands tattoos. and i am sorry for the gorilla (in many ways) even if he did/does look sweet in his immortalized bleeding state and even, too, if he's happy now - giving tours in hot air balloons????? can you get us a discount??? I WANNA DO THAT!!! does he give hot air balloon rides over the Loire Valley???? awwwwwww. :-D awwwwww!!! do girls wear trousers? i've never used that word...hm. and the only thought that comes to mind when i say the word is... yohr trowsuhs ah ohn bak-wads. hahahmmmmmmmm. yes we should paint - we could paint your hands - that's a great idea!:-D hahahaha. very good reply. hahaha. crazy. absolutely crazy. hahaha. mk ps. i think you'd be better off with sheiladona than freddie...:-D
Woodpeckers are curious lot. It's not so much that he didn't know it was a tree really, but rather was not sure what it was. He tried to find out by tapping it, but as i'm sure you are aware woodpeckers have trouble doing any tapping gingerly [;-)] so he went hammering away at the gorilla...
Of COURSE i would save a woodpecker from the chimney!!! Why would you even need to ask? I can't think of any reason not to do so.
Yes, I could have shown you the carnival hand tatoos, but the type of dye that was used by sheiladona was magic, so that if it stayed present for more than three hours it would be permanent and would show up even if i had something covering my hands like gloves. So, it had to be done right away. I'd have taken a picture, but I was drugged.
You shouldn't feel sorry for the gorilla, his life is much better than it would have been if all had not transpired exactly as it did. I think we might be able to get a discount. He seemed to like you from all the wonderful stories I told him about you before he left. He mostly gives his hot air baloon tours over Morocco, but I'm sure he'd be willing to pick us up at Riverside sometime and take us to the Loire Valley. We might need to bring a lot of bananas with us.
I don't know if girls wear "trousers" or not. For some reason though those brown pants/slacks/whatevers you have (which I was picturing as I wrote) make me think of trousers. I meant it in a good way. I like all your pants. You look good in them. They look good on you (though they might look better if they were carelessly tossed and hanging from a bed post- just a thought).
hmmm.... painting my hands? I don't know about this. I have a feeling it would look pretty gross with the hair getting in the way. besides, I don't think gorilla hair is meant to be painted. It may get all knotted up and icky looking. Although, if I can pick a part of you to paint I'll let you pick whatever part of me you want.
I think you might be right about your "ps" tonight Fred was quite peculiar...
tell me you were kidnapped by a gigantesque sparkling sage-green dragon-fairy named sheiladona who snatched you away to the land of rainbow scented lavender apples and baobab trees. and there you were fed bowls of wax chocolate and fruitloop flavored pickles, and given glasses of crimson milk. they covered you in feathers of gold and copper then took you up to the highest point of stone mountain, georgia, while you were sleep from the drugs they had put in the silk of the mocassins you were wearing. you couldnt write because, after you finally woke, first of all, you found yourself on stone mountain far (but not too far) away from your computer, second of all, because you werent sure anyone would listen if you tried to tell them the truth (you can trust me, really), and thirdly, because you were given beautiful carnival hands by the paid artists of the king of the land of rainbow scented lavender apples and baobab trees. you thought that if you were to put your hands on anything the miraculous colors might disappear - or even! fade! but, the joke was on you, because the colors had been tattooed. at which point you were distressed, so that's number four. number five involves not wanting to tell me that you had carnival hands because you knew i had work to do and since i care about carnival hands more than almost anything else in the world - i'd be right there - and you'd put me in a difficult position since you're on stone mountain and i'm in tuscaloosa - but i'd NEED to see you (with your carnival hands) and i'd be forced to drive, which i hate doing - because i wouldnt want anyone else to take me for fear that they might like your carnival hands and you'd be re-kidnapped. besides, i never drive my car anymore, nor carry all my groceries - and it is dangerous to drive long distances with decomposing (forget atrophied) arm muscles. so, being as considerate as you are, and knowing that if something happened to me you'd have to explain to my family the situation - you chose not to tell me because it seemed just too much bother and hazard.
sigh. i suppose i can try to understand - though i'm hurt that you wouldnt share such an amazing experience with me...sigh.
maybe next time you are snatched away by a gigantesque sparkling sage-green dragon-fairy named sheiladona...
lunch was weird - nice once the random people were gone. :-D
hope lab work goes well...and quirkey's too...
~mk ;-D
Reply
I thought about sharing the experience with you, and I was thinking about doing so last night, but I had a bad case of carpet burn, then at lunch today there were too many distractions. However, to explain why my hands look normal, i got them to re-tatoo skin-pigment color on to my hands and even transplant hair on to the backs of them. The surgeons thought it would be best to use my own hair from my head, but I told them you'd be terribly disapointed if my hair were shorter when you saw me next. Fortunately there was a gorilla being kept in the next room. He'd been in a coma for the past 7 years after falling out of an oak tree (you see this gorilla was seperated from his birth mother and raised by squirels, he thought he was one and so climbed oak trees in search of acorns. Unfortunately oak trees are often the homes of woodpeckers... one day a woodpecker mistook this massive creature sitting in an oak tree for a branch [b/c no woodpecker in Georgia would expect to see a gorilla in a tree]. Thinking he was a branch the woodpecker began to peck the gorilla. This startled the gorilla and he fell out of the tree, landed head first, and was in a coma ever since). So, since this gorilla showed no signs of recovery the surgeons assumed that they could take some hair from the gorilla and by the time he woke up he'd have regrown it. However, unbeknownst to the doctors, this gorilla suffered from severe hemophilia. So as they began to pluck hairs from the gorilla he began to bleed. They didn't notice until after they got enough hair for one of my hands, but it was brought to their attention by the gorilla himself! Apparently the pain from the plucking awoke him! Needless to say he was upset and wanted to know what was going on. The doctors and I explained everything to him. He seemed alright at first but wanted to know why, if i liked this Governor Winthrope so much that I didn't want hair from my head removed, did i not just keep the carnival hands- since she'd obviously be a fan of those. I went on to tell the gorilla that while I knew she'd like my hands tatooed, she'd like them too much. She'd never want to part from them and she wouldn't be able to get work done this semester... or perhaps it would keep her from going to France next year to teach. When the gorilla saw that I was doing this for self-less reasons and because I wanted the best life for another, he offered to let the surgeons continue in the hair removal/transplant process so that my hands would match and Gov. Winthrope would be able to be happy and not distracted with the knowledge that under my normal looking skin-toned hands were carnival hands. It was because of this kind gesture of the gorilla that now on valentine's day the symbol of the bleeding gorilla is so prevalent. That image shows true selfless love. As another aside, this gorilla did go on to live a happy life. The coma seemed to cause amnesia, so he forgot that he thought he was a squirel and started doing more safe gorilla-y things (such as eating bananas and giving tours in hot air baloons).
As you can see that would have been a long explanation... and that's just the explanation of what happened, not all my thoughts about it! Really, the main problem with the carnival hands is not that you wouldn't be able to leave them b/c they were so attracting. You are reasonable enough not to let something like that keep you from going to france. However, you likely would enjoy looking at them. So, since you'd want to see them whenever we were around that would cut back on (perhaps cut out entirely!) the worminess of my hands. You'd not want them hidden underneath a shirt or trousers if they were so brightly colored. You'd want them out in the open to be viewed. While I like having carnival hands at times, I don't think that they should overtake the wormy component of my hands. There must be a balance. Speaking of such balance, we need to paint.
Assuming sheiladona doesn't get ahold of me again and Fred isn't in Quirkey's all night I really will update my livejournal.
Reply
that was an impressive inclusion of the bleeding gorilla (rather disturbing still, but, impressive nevertheless).
how did the gorilla EVER get full off of acorns???
do woodpeckers always peck things that are out of the usual?
do they just assume that anything they dont know is a tree? hmm.
would you save a woodpecker from the chimney?
i still think you could have at least SHOWN me the carnival hands tattoos.
and i am sorry for the gorilla (in many ways) even if he did/does look sweet in his immortalized bleeding state and even, too, if he's happy now - giving tours in hot air balloons????? can you get us a discount??? I WANNA DO THAT!!! does he give hot air balloon rides over the Loire Valley???? awwwwwww. :-D awwwwww!!!
do girls wear trousers? i've never used that word...hm.
and the only thought that comes to mind when i say the word is...
yohr trowsuhs ah ohn bak-wads. hahahmmmmmmmm.
yes we should paint - we could paint your hands - that's a great idea!:-D
hahahaha. very good reply. hahaha. crazy. absolutely crazy.
hahaha.
mk
ps. i think you'd be better off with sheiladona than freddie...:-D
Reply
Woodpeckers are curious lot. It's not so much that he didn't know it was a tree really, but rather was not sure what it was. He tried to find out by tapping it, but as i'm sure you are aware woodpeckers have trouble doing any tapping gingerly [;-)] so he went hammering away at the gorilla...
Of COURSE i would save a woodpecker from the chimney!!! Why would you even need to ask? I can't think of any reason not to do so.
Yes, I could have shown you the carnival hand tatoos, but the type of dye that was used by sheiladona was magic, so that if it stayed present for more than three hours it would be permanent and would show up even if i had something covering my hands like gloves. So, it had to be done right away. I'd have taken a picture, but I was drugged.
You shouldn't feel sorry for the gorilla, his life is much better than it would have been if all had not transpired exactly as it did. I think we might be able to get a discount. He seemed to like you from all the wonderful stories I told him about you before he left. He mostly gives his hot air baloon tours over Morocco, but I'm sure he'd be willing to pick us up at Riverside sometime and take us to the Loire Valley. We might need to bring a lot of bananas with us.
I don't know if girls wear "trousers" or not. For some reason though those brown pants/slacks/whatevers you have (which I was picturing as I wrote) make me think of trousers. I meant it in a good way. I like all your pants. You look good in them. They look good on you (though they might look better if they were carelessly tossed and hanging from a bed post- just a thought).
hmmm.... painting my hands? I don't know about this. I have a feeling it would look pretty gross with the hair getting in the way. besides, I don't think gorilla hair is meant to be painted. It may get all knotted up and icky looking. Although, if I can pick a part of you to paint I'll let you pick whatever part of me you want.
I think you might be right about your "ps" tonight Fred was quite peculiar...
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