the current book i'm reading
martin torgoff's can't find my way home:
america in the great stoned age, 1945-2000
presented me with an idea i have long
thought about, wished for and hoped
would someday return to me:
"as compelled as we were over the years to try to recapture the sweet, giddy rush of that first year of highs, it would turn out to be as irretrievable as one's own virginity"
completely profound and true
the first time is always a rush
the first few years are always a rush
and somewhere you turn jaded and wilt
nothing will ever compare to that
first cigarette with shanna
nothing will ever compare to that
first time toking with omar
nothing will ever compare to that
first real good shit with dan
irretrievable, yes, and always a memory
sometimes it's fun to wish we could relive it
but that's because we romanticize the past
it wasn't that good, but in our minds it was
silly how it happens like that
outside earlier, i saw the epitome of nyc
and, subsequently, the epitome of my life
the beauty in the gutter
surrounded by vices
surrounded by trash
drenched in sewage water
but somehow,
when it all comes together,
the image is still beautiful
so fucking beautiful!
(and really, everything is)
just sometimes in a slightly "left of center" way